FUNNY DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES

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The WEIGHT is over! LAUGH IT OFF DIET by DAN WORONA

LAUGHT IT OFF DIET

by DAN WORONA

WHY DIET?! WHEN YOU CAN JUST LAUGH THE POUNDS AWAY!




If you read all 24 DIET HUMOR webpages, YOU WILL LIVE HAPPILLY EVER LAUGHTER.




FUNNY DIET JOKES GALORE AND MORE!!!:

WELCOME TO THE WORLD’S FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION!!!

It is a lifelong collection of more than 65 years. I have collected thousands and thousands of diet jokes and other humor related to dieting, weight loss, food and fitness. I am a former physical education teacher and I know whereof what I speak.



A PEERLESS DIET HUMOR COLLECTION compiled by DANIEL L. WORONA

(PEERLESS: without equal; unrivaled.)



NUMBER ONE, SECOND TO NONE!

Celebrating 21 consecutive years as the #1 DIET HUMOR website. [1999-2020]

Thank you,

Diet coach and diet humorist: Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"



Daniel Worona’s LAUGH IT OFF DIET: A lifelong compilation of thousands DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES and growing fatter every day. Plus-plus oodles of Woriginal original diet humor sayings, diet puns, diet jokes, diet limericks, diet laughter, diet quotes, diet riddles, obesity humor, obesity jokes, fat jokes and fat humor / humour, and weight loss puns. by Daniel L. Worona.

My collection includes a third of a joke. Have you ever heard a third of a joke? You are in for a treat! Read on (I posted my 1/3 of a joke on another webpage).



Daniel L. Worona's LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.



I want to share this lifelong collection diet humor sayings with YOU.

(Please read on to find out how.)



You are about to enjoy Daniel Worona's "LAUGH IT OFF" DIET.

(It's a funny way to lose weight.)



WEIGHT LOSS TIP:

(from DIET HUMOR guru: Daniel Worona)

100 laughs a day is equal to 10 minutes of exercise!

How can it get any easier than that?



FUNNY DIET & WEIGHT-LOSS FACTS:

LAUGHING IS HEALTHY.

LAUGHING PROLONGS YOUR LIFE.

(So if you follow my DIET HUMOR Web site, you will live forever.)



DANIEL WORONA'S LAUGH IT OFF DIET:

If you read my entire DIET HUMOR website...

YOU WILL LIVE HAPPILY EVER LAUGHTER.

PLEASE NOTE: All humor on this website is NON-FATTENING and has ZERO CALORIES.




HUNGRY FOR SOME LAUGHS?

GOOD NEWS FOR THE YEAR 2020!

I have posted new DIET HUMOR, DIET JOKES and DIET PUNS randomly throughout my 24 webpages.

HAVE FUN SEARCHING FOR THEM: You will burn tons of calories looking for these newbie jokes. 

If you read all 24 DIET HUMOR webpages, YOU WILL LIVE HAPPILLY EVER LAUGHTER.




TESTIMONIAL FROM A SMART BRITISH LADY:

“If I ever need a laugh, it’s always your DIET HUMOR website I see. You’re better than a psychiatrist.”



IF YOU CAN READ THIS… THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY!!!

This has been the #1 DIET HUMOR Web site in the world for twenty-one (21) years.



WELCOME TO THE FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IN THE WORLD.



CAUTION: Do not try to devour my entire DIET HUMOR Web site in one sitting.

The Surgeon General has determined that it can cause FUNSTROKE.



PLEASE NOTE: My DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES are meant to encourage you to live a healthy lifestyle. This is not a "mean" DIET HUMOR website.



PLEASE NOTE: It is NOT my intention to hurt anyone's feelings, rather, my goal is to encourage everyone to live a HEALTHY & "WELL-THY" LIFESTYLE!!!

TO BELITTLE IS TO BE LITTLE.



To all my “calorie challenged” friends:

I apologize beforehand if I offend you in any weigh, shape, or form.

Woriginal pun by Daniel L. Worona

(This "APOLOGY" is copyright of Daniel L. Worona)



I wish you, one and all, A “WELL-THY” LIFE.

WORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA

PLEASE NOTE: My name is NOT Author Anonymous, nor AUTHOR UNKNOWN.



OBESITY HUMOR:

CHILDHOOD OBESITY EPIDEMIC:

In her fight against childhood obesity, the first lady is urging communities to make fresh produce more available to young people, even in liquor stores.

If your kid is hanging out at the liquor store, obesity is the least of your problems.



FUNNY DIET ONE-LINERS:

1. I KEEP TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT BUT IT KEEPS FINDING ME.

2. Whether you want to be thick or thin IS A MATTER OF TASTE!!!

--Daniel Worona.

3. THOSE WHO GET TOO BIG FOR THEIR BRITCHES, WILL BE EXPOSED IN THE END.

4. Q: WHAT MAKES THE TOWER OF PISA LEAN?

A: IT NEVER EATS.

5. THERE ARE TWO THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER EAT BEFORE BREAKFAST:

(LUNCH AND DINNER).

6. RELISH TODAY. CATCHUP TOMORROW.

7. HUMOR BUTTON: CAUTION: HUNGRY DIETER, MAY BITE IF PROVOKED.

8. IT'S NOT THE MINUTES SPENT AT THE TABLE THAT PUT ON WEIGHT, IT'S THE SECONDS.

9. A DIET IS WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO TO SOME LENGTH TO CHANGE YOUR WIDTH.

10. HOLLYWOOD'S FAVORITE DIET: STARVATION.

11. Diet slogan: TAKE CHARGE, DON'T BE LARGE.

--Daniel Worona

12. BY THE TIME I'M THIN, FAT WILL BE IN.

13. DIETING IS WISHFUL SHRINKING.

14. I WAS MEANT TO BE THIN... BUT GOD SEWED ME UP WRONG.

15. HOW CAN I GO ON A DIET? THE REFRIGERATOR IS STILL FULL.

16. SKINNY PEOPLE TICK ME OFF!!! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my car keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

 --SIOUXSIE Q

17. COMPLAINING ABOUT DIETING AND EXERCISE BURNS OFF EXTRA CALORIES.

--Daniel L. Worona

18. Handy dandy dieting tip: CARROT CAKE COUNTS AS A SERVING OF VEGETABLES.

19. Weight-loss tip: SHAKE YOUR SALT HABIT.

20. Daniel Worona's hungry monster anti-diet:

I'VE GOT AN EATING PROBLEM!!!

(I can't get enough!)

 --Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona

21. Q: What do you call an overweight monster?

 A: OBEAST.

22. WEIGHT LOSS SLOGAN:

 "Are you going the wrong weigh?"

 Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"

 LATIN: Rara Avis (“Rare Bird”).

 (PLEASE NOTE: My name is not Author Anonymous.)

"Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!!




Woriginal original DIET JOKES & DIET PUNS by Daniel Worona:

The SUBWAY SANDWICH DIET doesn't work!

 I have not eaten anything but one Subway sandwich a day for a month and I've gained twenty-two pounds! Not only that, those six-foot-long Subway sandwiches are really expensive!!!

WORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA




2. Q: What do you call a person on a diet who loses twenty-five pounds in just one month?

A: A liar.   

WORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA



3. Diet puns: AMAZING NEW WEIGHT LOSS DISCOVERY!!!

Daniel Worona's famous PIG EAR SOUP DIET.

It is EAR-RESISTIBLE!

(Yummy! It will take you BREADTH away!)



4. I saw a poster advertising a lecture to be given by a world-famous nutritionist on EATING PROBLEMS. I said to myself: HEY, I DON'T NEED THAT. I DON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEM EATING!!

(I do it all the time.)

--Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" (version)

WORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA



5. Diet and Fitness pun:

Some people trade TIT-FOR-TAT;

healthy people trade FIT-FOR-FAT.

(If you sit, you ain't fit.)

Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"



6. I GAVE UP DESSERTS!!!

(It was the worst twenty minutes of my life.)

Woriginal by Daniel Worona



7. Diet Advice by Daniel L. Worona:

When I say: Instead of YO-YO DIETING, try HO-HO DIETING. I am not talking about a steady diet of "HO-HOs and Twinkies." I am talking about HO-HO's as in HA-HA!

--Daniel L. Worona

We all know that Santa invented the "HO-HO DIET", and you should know Daniel L. Worona is the founder of the "HA-HA DIET". Thank you very much.



8. Dieters are very "NARROW-MINDED."

--Diet pun by Daniel L. Worona



9. DIET DROPOUTS are "BROAD-MINDED."

--Diet pun by Daniel L. Worona



10. Q: Why did the MIDNIGHT SNACKER gain so much weight?

A: Because he couldn’t see how much he was eating.

Diet riddle by Daniel L. Worona “Rara Avis”



11. DIET & EXERCISE JOKE:

Two overweight women were walking home from work, and they began talking about their schedule of activities for the evening. "I've got an idea" said one. "Let's flip a coin. If it lands on heads, we'll go get a cheeseburger. If it lands on tails, we'll go to get a pizza. And if it lands on its side, we'll go to the gym to work out.

WORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA




MY MAIN DIET HUMOR OBJECTIVE: I want to publish my inimitable collection so that everyone may enjoy it.

(That means Y-O-U!!!)

I am seeking a literary agent and a major publisher who will do justice to my DIET HUMOR, DIET LAUGHS and DIET JOKES collection.



DIET HUMOR, DIET GURU AND WELLNESS EXPERT DANIEL L. WORONA

EXPERIENCE: Daniel Worona "RARA AVIS" ("Rare Bird") is a diet guru, obesity expert, wellness expert and fitness expert. He is a retired physical education teacher and personal trainer (They didn't call him DAN DAN THE MUSCLE MAN for nothing).  He has been "well taught." His parents were both "health nuts" and taught him well... wellness. Needless to say, he is a published author, wordsmith, linguist and diet humorist.



Dear Copycats:

The phrase “LAUGH IT OFF” existed long before I was born, over 75 years ago, however, I (Daniel L. Worona) was the first one to use the phrase LAUGH IT OFF as a “DIET PUN” and a "DIET SLOGAN."



LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

COPYRIGHT by Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird"). 

(Online since: June 7, 1999.)

The world's #1 DIET HUMOR Web site for twenty (21) consecutive years: danworona.50megs.com.

It's a SITE to see!!!



NO BALONEY, MAHONEY!

HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT DIETING!!!

GUARANTEED!!!

by Coach Daniel L. Worona

When you follow Daniel Worona's healthy eating lifestyle, weight loss is an automatic side effect.

SIDE EFFECTS:

1. ADIOS LOVE-HANDLES!

2. WHITTLE YOUR MIDDLE!

3. REDUCE YOUR PROFUSE CABOOSE!

You're welcome!

NUTRITION AND FITNESS COACH: DANIEL L. WORONA



CHEAT DAY DIET NO BRAINER;

Look, if one cheat day doesn't make you fat, then working out and eating healthy one day a week won't make you skinny either.




FUNNY DIET ADVICE:

THE WORST DIET ADVICE IN THE WORLD:

NO-BRAIN LORAINE SAYS: I decided I need to eat better, so now I'm having this pizza on some fine china.

WORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA



WEIGHT GAIN HUMOR and OLD AGE HUMOR:

Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips.



THINGS CHANGE:

JEST HORSING AROUND:

100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.

Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.



HEALTH PUN:

PEOPLE WHO SPREAD THEIR GERMS AROUND MAKE ME SICK.



WOMEN AND MEN JOKES:

WORDPLAY:

For every woman with a curve, there are men with angles.



HALLOWEEN JOKE AND PUN AND RIDDLE:

Q: Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?

 A: Because everyone was a goblin.

[FOR THOSE WHO DON'T GET IT: It is a wordplay on gobblin'.]


TELEPATHY DIET HUMOR:

I will be posting telepathically today...

So if you think of a funny diet joke today, that was me.

You're welcome.

DANNY BOY, OH BOY!

Dan Worona



FUNNY DIET TIPS:

Don't have any free time in which to eat food.

TRANSLATION: KEEP BUSY. KEEP ACTIVE.

WHEN YOU ARE BORED, YOU GO OUT OF YOUR GOURD.

WORIGINAL DIET SAYING by DIET COACH: Daniel L. Worona



NUMBER ONE, SECOND TO NONE!

Celebrating 21 consecutive years as the #1 DIET HUMOR website. [1999-2020]

Thank you,

Diet coach and diet humorist: Daniel L. Worona

PLEASE NOTE: This is the #1 DIET HUMOR website on all the HONEST search engines.

[BEWARE: Dishonest search engines give their advertisers higher ratings THAT THEY DO NOT DESERVE.]



WISHING:

A MAN MUST KEEP HIS MOUTH OPEN FOR A LONG TIME BEFORE A ROASTED CHICKEN WILL FLY INTO IT.

[TRANSLATION: SET REALISTIC GOALS.]



BE SMART!

JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE SAYS (or WRITES) SOMETHING, IT DOESN'T MAKE IT TRUE!

BE WELL-READ AND BE SKEPTICAL.

WORIGINAL WORDS OF WISDOM by DANIEL L. WORONA




DIET LAUGH WORKOUT TIME

1. DIETING IS THE PENALTY FOR LIVING BEYOND YOUR SEAMS.

--Woriginal original by Daniel L. Worona


2. STUDIES SHOW THAT MOST PEOPLE GAIN WEIGHT IN CERTAIN PLACES: LIKE BAKERIES, PIZZA PARLORS, AND ICE CREAM SHOPS.


 3. WHAT ARE THE FOUR MAJOR FOOD GROUPS?

For CHOCOHOLICS: DARK CHOCOLATE, WHITE CHOCOLATE, BROWNIES and FUDGE.

For HEAVIES: FAT, SALT, SUGAR, and CAFFEINE.

For BACHELORS: FAST, FROZEN, JUNK, and SPOILED.

For DRINKERS: MALT, BARLEY, HOPS, and YEAST.


4. NEVER EAT MORE THAN YOU CAN LIFT.

--MISS PIGGY.


5. Sign on the Olympic stadium in China:

STADIUM HOLDS 120,000 CHINESE, OR 80,000 AMERICANS.


6. Another Daniel Worona diet tip: Do a reality check every once in a while to make sure your goals are realistic.

 T-shirt: MY REALITY CHECK BOUNCED!


7. Definition: JUNK PHOOD is unhealthy food "fortified" with pharmaceuticals.




DISCLAIMER!!!  All spelling errors and grammatical errors on this DIET HUMOR Web site are intentional; otherwise they are the fault of the hosting server.

--Mr. Perfect: Daniel "U KAN'T SPEL" Worona

Excuse me, while I go polish my halo. REMEMBER!!! In this day and age... SPELLING IS BECOMING A LOSSED ART.



A SILLY VEGETARIANS VEGGIE DITTY (bumper sticker):

 GO VEG / VEGAN

B4 IT'S 2L8

(Translation: GO VEGETARIAN BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.)




CAN YOU HELP ME FIND A LITERARY AGENT and PUBLISHER, OR OFFER A SUGGESTION? IF SO, PLEASE E-MAIL ME.

Why do I need a publisher?

Because... I COULDN'T SELL A LIFEBOAT ON THE TITANIC, however, I am the foremost DIET HUMOR collector in the world. My area of expertise is collecting DIET HUMOR, not publishing.



GOT DIET JOKES TO SHARE?

MY E-MAIL ADDRESS CAN BE FOUND AT THE BOTTOM OF EACH WEBPAGE.




This is a 65-year plus collection of thousands and thousands DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET LIMERICKS, DIET JOKES, CHOCOLATE HUMOR and related diet humor subjects (too numerous to mention). It includes "tons" of Woriginal original material by diet humorist and diet guru Daniel L. Worona.

 A LARGE PORTION OF THIS DIET HUMOR COLLECTION HAS NEVER BEEN PUBLISHED AND/OR IS WORIGINAL ORIGINAL MATERIAL BY DANIEL WORONA.

 THIS DIET HUMOR COLLETION WILL EVENTUALLY BE SHARED WITH YOU IN BOOK FORM (as soon as I find a publisher).




HEAVY HUMOR:

WHEN YOU OVERINDULGE, THERE IS A “HEAVY PRICE” TO PAY.

 THIS IS A: "Woriginal original." 

 by Daniel "WOR" Worona “Rara Avis”




MORE “BUST YOUR GUT “DIET HUMOR AHEAD. DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU.




DIET JOKES GALORE AND MORE FROM THE "WOR"!!!



FUNNY DIET ONE-LINERS:

STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backwards.


Diets are for people who are THICK and tired of it.


People go to Weight Watchers to learn their LESSENS.


I DRIVE WAY TOO FAST TO WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL.


THE FAST DIET: If you are thin, don't eat fast. If you are fat, don't eat-- FAST!!!


The best way to lose weight is by skipping... skip the desserts... skip the snacks... skip the beer... skip the SKIPPY.

--Daniel Worona (version)


DIET JOKE: Try my wife's new recipe for diet meatloaf...

Don't worry, you won't eat much.


GRAVITY BRINGS ME DOWN.


ONE SHOULD EAT TO LIVE NOT LIVE TO EAT.


THOU SHALT NOT WEIGH MORE THAN THY REFRIGERATOR.


GOD MUST LOVE CALORIES BECAUSE HE MADE SO MANY OF THEM!


LIFE IS FULL OF UPS AND POUNDS.


HAVING A PERFECT BODY ISN'T DIFFICULT... IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.


THE HAIGHT DIET: TO LOSE WEIGHT JUST EAT THE STUFF YOU HATE.

--DR. HAIGHT (D. WORONA)


THE NEED FOR FEED:

DIETING IS THE PENALTY FOR EXCEEDING THE FEED LIMIT.




DIET AND FOOD RIDDLE:

Q: WHO KEEPS TRACK OF THE COOKIES WE EAT?

A: THE KITCHEN COUNTER.



BEST OBESITY IS A DISEASE JOKE EVER:

NEWS FLASH: The AMA declares: Obesity is a disease.

SKINNY DUDES WARNING!!!

Don't kiss any fat girls, you might catch obesity!



OBESITY IS A DISEASE WORDPLAY:

 Obesity is very easy to catch.

 --They can't run very fast.

WORIGINAL PUN by DANIEL L. WORONA




DIET HUMOR AND WELLNESS EXPERT DANIEL L. WORONA

 He has "searched the world" for more than 65-years for diet humor, diet ditties, diet limericks, weight-loss humor, fat humor / humour and diet slang. Daniel Worona has thousands of original and unpublished diet humor sayings, diet cartoons, and diet word plays.

DAN THE MAN:

 Experience: Daniel Worona "RARA AVIS" ("Rare Bird") is a diet guru and fitness expert. He is a retired physical education teacher and personal trainer (They didn't call him DAN DAN THE MUSCLE MAN for nothing). His parents were both "health nuts" and taught him well... wellness. Needless to say, he is a published author, wordsmith, linguist and diet humorist.

 NO ONE CAN EVEN COME CLOSE TO DULICATING THIS DIET HUMOR / HUMOUR COLLECTION.

 This is the FATTEST and best diet humor collection in the world!!!




DANIEL WORONA "HONEST DAN" is also a bit of a philosopher. His more than 75 years of wisdom can be boiled down to one sentence: Boys and girls, always.... (Sorry, it's a secret. But for you truth seekers, I will reveal the secret later on in this DIET HUMOR website.)

Woriginal original by DANIEL WORONA

 ("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!!)



WARNING:  When viewing this DIET HUMOR Web site, the diet police are watching you!!!


FEED LIMIT 65

(calories per hour)




MORE LAUGH OUT LOUD, CHOKE ON YOUR COFFEE DIET HUMOR AHEAD. 

WINNING AND THINNING with Daniel Worona's world-famous LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

This has been THE NUMBER ONE (#1) DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKE website in the world for over twenty-one (21) years.




A PEERLESS DIET HUMOR COLLECTION compiled by DANIEL L. WORONA

 (PEERLESS: without equal; unrivaled.)



DANIEL WORONA'S SKILLS AND EDUCATION: Besides being a diet guru, and a wellness expert; Daniel Worona is an ethnologist, having spent more than 65-years studying various cultures. He is a retired physical education school teacher and has several degrees in computer science. He is bilingual and has spent more than fifty-five years collecting MEXICAN FOLKLORE HUMOR (HUMOR FOLKLORICO DE MEXICO). Actually, he is multilingual, speaking more than ten languages, but that is a long, funny story. He has published two books on MEXICAN FOLKLORE HUMOR:

1. VERSITOS CHISTOSOS DE OAXACA

Compiled by Daniel Worona "Rara Avis"

ISBN: 0-915311-00-32.



2.FOLKLORE CHISTOSO DE MEXICO

Compiled by Daniel Worona "Rara Avis"

ISBN: 0-915311-01-1.




The Problem with Speaking English:

Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

 CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.



HOORAY FOR ME!!! I now have compiled thosands and thousands of DIET HUMOR / HUMOUR sayings, DIET JOKES, OBESITY HUMOR sayings, OBESITY JOKES, FAT HUMOR and FAT JOKES.

 PLEASE NOTE: It is NOT my intention to hurt anyone's feelings, rather, my goal is to encourage everyone to live a healthy lifestyle.

Daniel L. Worona, diet humorist, diet guru, obesity and fitness expert, wishes you a HEALTHIER and WELL-THIER you!!!



BOO HOO HOO!

I do not have a single friend (not even a married one) in the publishing industry or the media to help me get published. Can you help me, or offer a suggestion?

 WORD OF MOUTH: Please tell your friends about my 65-year plus collection of DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES. Sooner or later there will be a publisher with enough brains to figure out I have a priceless collection of DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES.

 CAN YOU HELP ME FIND A MAJOR PUBLISHER OR OFFER A SUGGESTION? If so, please e-mail me.

 My E-mail address is at the bottom of each webpage.            

 Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

 Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me.

 PLEASE NOTE: My YAHOO E-MAIL ADDRESS is 100% SECURE.

 The connection to the server is encrypted.

 YOU ARE SAFE, MY FRIEND:

 I am not selling anything. This is a hobby website.

Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"

 LATIN: Rara Avis (“Rare Bird”).



FUNNY DIET ONE-LINERS:

1. CHOCOLATE. COFFEE. MEN.

 SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.


2. IF YOU HAVE NO TASTE, A LOT OF FOOD GOES TO WASTE; BUT IF YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TASTE, A LOT OF IT WILL GO TO WAIST.

 --Woriginal original by Daniel Worona


3. Sign in a gym: GET YOUR REAR IN GEAR!


4.T-shirt: INSTANT HUMAN (just add coffee).


5. DIET IS SOMETHING THAT TAKES THE STARCH OUT OF YOU.


6. I'M ON A GRAPEFRUIT DIET. I EAT EVERYTHING BUT GRAPEFRUIT.


7. LIFE WITHOUT PIZZA IS NO LIFE AT ALL.


8. BRAIN CELLS COME AND BRAIN CELLS GO, BUT FAT CELLS LAST FOREVER.


9. I DON'T HAVE AN EATING PROBLEM.

 I EAT. I GET FAT. I BUY NEW CLOTHES.

 NO PROBLEMO!


10. LORD, IF I CAN'T BE SKINNY, PLEASE MAKE ALL MY FRIENDS FAT!


11. THE NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF PEOPLE FALLING OFF THEIR DIETS IS FOOD.


12. A MOMENT ON THE LIPS, FOREVER ON THE HIPS.


13. DIETING IS MIND OVER PLATTER.


14. LIFE IS UNCERTAIN.

 EAT DESSERT FIRST.


15. No BODY is perfect.


16. Sign on the side of a pizza delivery truck:

THE SLICE MAN COMETH.




THE WORLD'S FUNNIEST BIG FAT WOLF JOKE:

As the Big Bad Fat Wolf said: Not by the hair on my chinny chin chins.




THE FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IN THE WORLD!!!

 (I want to share it with Y-O-U!!!)

 CAN YOU HELP A PUBLISHER-CHALLENGED WRITER???

 If you can help me find a publisher or offer a positive suggestion, please contact me at: dworona@yahoo.com

 Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

 Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.




"WOR" IS COMING!!!

Experience: Daniel "WOR" Worona is a diet guru, obesity and fitness expert. He is a retired physical education teacher and personal trainer (They didn't call him DAN DAN THE MUSCLE MAN for nothing). He has been "well taught." His parents were both "health nuts" and taught him well... wellness. Needless to say, he is a published author, wordsmith, linguist and diet humorist.

This is DIET HUMOR. Please do not take it personally. If you do... you need to LIGHTEN UP!!

 (Get it?) --Daniel Worona "Rara Avis"

 People who get offended by FAT JOKES really need to lighten up!




SILLY DIET ONE LINERS:

1.] THE WORLD IS DIVIDED INTO PEOPLE WHO LIVE TO EAT AND THOSE WHO EAT TO LIVE.


2.] EAT THRIVO TO STAY ALIVE-O. (IT MELTS IN YOUR MOUTH, NOT ON YOUR THIGHS.)


3.] EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU SURE THIS SCALE IS IN POUNDS AND NOT IN OUNCES?


4.] STOP CONGRATULATING ME. I HAVEN'T PUT MY OTHER FOOT ON THE SCALE YET. (Weight Watchers ditty.)


5.] YOU CAN'T LOSE WEIGHT BY TALKING ABOUT IT. YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.


6.] DIET TONGUE TWISTER: A GOOD COOK COULD COOK AS MUCH COOKIES AS A GOOD COOK WHO COULD COOK COOKIES.


7.] FAT IS NOT A MORAL PROBLEM. IT IS AN ORAL PROBLEM.




HEALTH JOKE:

 Q: HOW DO YOU KNOW CARROTS ARE GOOD FOR YOUR EYES?

 A: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A RABBIT WEARING GLASSES?



Please check out the rest of this DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES website, and you will learn THE GREATEST WEIGHT-LOSS SECRET OF ALL TIME!!!!!

On MY FAVORITES LINKS page you will find the number one diet in the world (in the upper left corner at the top of the page).

It is not perfect, but almost. (HINT: It was developed by Uncle Sam with your tax dollars.)




AMAZING DIET DISCOVERY:

 FINALLY!!! NOT ONE, NOT TWO, NOT THREE BUT FOUR DIETS THAT REALLY WORK!!!!

You will find them on my DIET HUMOR SOS page on this Web site.

1. One is called THE ITALIAN PASTA DIET.

2. The second one is called Daniel Worona's CHICKEN DINNER DIET. (You can eat all you want and lose weight!!!)

3. The third one is called Daniel Worona's FAT-FREE DIET.

4. The sensational "NEW DIET." It is the "NEW" way to lose weight.

 Eat to your heart's content. No problemo.

 You will find all four of these diets on my DIET HUMOR SOS page on this Web site.

 I GUARANTEE THAT THEY WORK!!!

 Have I ever lied to you before? Daniel L. Worona




A KILLER DILLER DIET: You will thoroughly enjoy "THE ELVIS DIET"!!! , and THE NO DIET DIET.

 Check out my popular ELVIS webpage: ELVIS HUMOR.




FUNNY DIET QUIPS, QUOTES AND JOKES

1. LABELS: THE GOVERNMENT WILL BE REQUIRING NEW FOOD LABELS THAT ARE MORE SPECIFIC. PRODUCTS WILL NOW BE LABELED: NO FAT; LOW-FAT; REDUCED FAT; AND FAT, BUT GREAT PERSONALITY.



2. I'M ON A LOW-FAT, HIGH STRESS DIET...

 COFFEE AND FINGERNAILS.



3. HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE GARLIC DIET?

 YOU DON'T LOSE MUCH WEIGHT, BUT FROM A DISTANCE YOUR FRIENDS THINK YOU LOOK THINNER.



4. DON'T DIG YOUR GRAVE WITH YOUR OWN KNIFE AND FORK.

--English proverb




DANIEL WORONA'S "LAUGH IT OFF" DIET: DIET HUMOR, DIET JOKES, DIET PUNS, DIET QUOTES, DIET LAUGHS, DIET LIMERICKS, OBESITY HUMOUR, WEIGHT LOSS HUMOR, FUNNY DIET RIDDLES, DIET DITTIES and so on compiled by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis."

 This is a 65-year plus collection, a large portion of which has never been published.

IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!



CHRISTMAS HUMOR

THE CHRISTMAS DIET SONG:

'Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.
When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

 Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash tore open the icebox then threw up the sash. The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.

When what to my wandering eyes should appear: a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer! That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.

The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear; On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.

From the top of the scales to the top of the hall now dash away pounds now dash away all. Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress my clothes were all bulging from too much excess.

My droll little mouth and my round little belly they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly. I spoke not a word but went straight to my work ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.

And laying a finger beside my heartburn I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned. I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry if temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by.

And I mumbled again as I turned for the night in the morning I'll starve . . . 'til I take that first bite.




COOKING HUMOR:

I'M NOT A BAD COOK, I AM MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.



Diet guru Daniel Worona says:

SKINNIER THIGHS

WHEN YOU EXERCISE.



Q: Does Honest Dan Worona lie?

 A: Only when I'm sleeping.



AND DON'T FORGET: DIETING IS NO PIECE OF CAKE!!!

 Woriginal original by Daniel L. Worona

[It's about time you rip-off artists give me credit for this one. My name is not author unknown!!!]



Send me a FUNNY WEIGHT LOSS JOKE and you will lose weight instantly.

 Don't believe me? Try it!!!

 Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

 Please include the words "DIET HUMOR"or "WEIGHT LOSS JOKE" in the Subject line, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.




NOTICE OF COPYRIGHT:

 ("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!!

 PLEASE NOTE: My name is not Author Anonymous.

 THANK YOU VERY MUCH: I thank all the kind people out there in cyberspace who have been giving me credit when they use material from this DIET HUMOR Web site.

 Daniel Worona "Rare Bird"




LEGAL NOTICE:

NOTE: Any material and/or DIET HUMOR you borrow from this Web site (danworona.50megs.com) may only be used for "NON-COMMERCIAL" purposes.

 Thank you very much,

 Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"



Image credit of overweight man on scale: Freedomyou.com



Many DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET JOKES and MOTIVATIONAL DIET SAYINGS are "hidden" throughout this Web site.

MAKE SURE YOU READ THE WHOLE PAGE!!!




MOTIVATIONAL & INSPIRATIONAL DIET SAYINGS:

 With your diet, don't dawdle, if you don't want to waddle!

 It's better to laugh or to giggle, than to eat more and jiggle!




NON-DIET SAYING:

 CHOCOLATE: VALIUM WITH CALORIES.

 WARNING: MORE HILARIOUS CALORIE-BURNING LAUGHS, DIET JOKES AND FALL OUT OF YOUR CHAIR DIET HUMOR AHEAD. AND MUNCH MORE

 Daniel L. Worona, diet humorist, diet guru, anti-obesity activist, and fitness expert, wishes you a HEALTHIER and WELL-THIER you!!!

 Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

Please e-mail me if you have a question or suggestion.) Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"



LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

 IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

 COPYRIGHT 1949-2020 by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis"

 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.




This is a 65-year plus collection and compilation of thousands and thousands of DIET HUMOR sayings.

IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION! And that ain't no joke!



DID YOU KNOW THAT DAN WORONA HAS A WORLD-CLASS COLLECTION OF WOMEN'S HUMOR?

WOMAN'S T-SHIRT:

PMS: It really stands for: "PURCHASE MORE SHOES."



THIS IS A HOBBY DIET HUMOR WEBSITE.

 YOU ARE SAFE. I AM NOT SELLING ANYTHING.

My E-mail address is: dworona@yahoo.com       

 Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

 Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me.

 PLEASE NOTE: My YAHOO E-MAIL ADDRESS is 100% SECURE.

 The connection to the YAHOO server is encrypted.

 Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.



FUNNY CELLULITE T-SHIRT SAYING ON A CUTE FATTIE:

 It’s not cellulite, it’s my body’s way of saying:

“I’M SEXY!” in braille.



THE DR. DOLITTLE DIET:

 Did you hear about the Dr. Dolittle Diet?

 You talk to food instead of eating it.



D.I.E.T. = Did I Eat That?

 D.I.E.T. = Do I Eat Today?

 D.I.E.T. = Don't Indulge Every Time.



THE MAYBE BABY DIET

 MAYBE BABY SAYS: "I'm gonna lose weight!

 I'm gonna exercise every day!

 I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it."

 "Is that cake?"




DIET DROPOUT JOKE:

 Stop telling me about your diet.

 Just shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.



THAT DOGGONE DIET:

 If your dog is too fat, then you are not getting enough exercise.


THE LOW-FAT DIET JOKE:

 Q: How do you know your low-fat diet is working?

 A: The fat hangs lower every day.



THE NAKE TRUTH:

 You are fat and you need to go on a diet.

 I'm not going to sugarcoat it because you'll eat that too.




DIET RIDDLE:

 Q: What should you never put in an ice cream sundae?

 A: A spoon.




BOO HOO HOO!      BOO HOO HOO!     BOO HOO HOO!

 Singing the blues:

LONE RANGER AND TONTO WERE RIDING DOWN THE LINE.

FIXING EVERYBODY'S TROUBLES, EVERYBODY'S BUT MINE.

************************************************************
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ANYONE WHO CARES ABOUT SEEING MY ENTIRE DIET HUMOR COLLECTION PUBLISHED IN A HARDBACK BOOK:

If you are smart enough to read up to this point, maybe you are smart enough to figure out that I am saving my primo diet humor for a hardback diet humor book.

 I have worked long and hard for years and years and years and years and decades and decades collecting DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES and FUNNY DIET VERSES. I am NOT complaining. I am merely stating a fact! I want recognition of my unique collection.

 I am saving THE BEST OF THE BEST OF MY DIET HUMOR COLLECTION to be published in a hardback diet humor book.

 I have no desire to hoard my collection, I want to share it with everyone.

 I think I deserve some recognition. Don't you agree?

 I have spent over a half-century collecting DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES, not to mention thousands of original diet humor by moi, Daniel L. Worona

 I have no contacts in the publishing field. CAN YOU HELP ME?

 The least you can do to help me is spread the word about my DIET HUMOR WEBSITE to your friends.

 IF YOU DON'T CARE... WELL, C'est la vie. [WHATEVER!]

 As you wish, jellyfish.

 What can I do do do? There is nothing I can do do do.

 CAPICHE???

 TOODLE LOO, kangaroo!

 Take care, polar bear.

 Gotta run, honey bun.

 Thank you for your time.




Please enjoy the rest of the world's #1 DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES website.

DANIEL L. WORONA

MY E-MAIL ADDRESS:

 Yes, I will read your e-mail and diet jokes if you include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

 Do not include any attachments. That is a big NO-NO!

 Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.


DIET JOKES compiled by DAN WORONA.

I APOLOGIZE IF THESE JOKES MADE YOU HUNGRY.

 DANIEL L. WORONA "RARA AVIS" (RARE BIRD)



DIET PUN:

Diet guru Daniel l. Worona says:

STOP WEIGHTING, START LIVING.



HEALTH WARNING:

 OBESITY has GRAVE CONSEQUENCES.

 WORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA




DANIEL L. WORONA’S

 

DIET JOKES

 

(will)

 

WEAR

 

(you)

 

THIN.




WHY DID THE CHICKEN STOP CROSSING THE ROAD?

 Q: Why did the chicken stop crossing the road?

 A: It got tired of everyone making so many lame jokes.




COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA

"Rara Avis" / "Rare Bird" (a.k.a. DaWor)

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.



This is a 65-year plus collection, a large portion of which has never been published.

IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!

 NOTICE OF COPYRIGHT:

 If you borrow from this DIET HUMOR Web site, at least have the decency to give DANIEL L. WORONA his due credit.




LEGAL NOTICE:

 NOTE: Any material and/or DIET HUMOR / HUMOUR by Daniel L. Worona that you borrow from this website (danworona.50megs.com) may only be used for "NON-COMMERCIAL" purposes.

Thank you very much,

Daniel L. Worona




Daniel "WOR" Worona, diet humorist, diet guru, anti-obesity activist, obesity and fitness expert, wishes you a HEALTHIER and WELL-THIER you!!!

Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"




FUNNY BUMPER STICKER:

Getting on your feet means getting off your butt.



FUNNY LIFE JOKE:

When life hands you gators, make Gatorade.



LIFE QUOTE by DANNY BOY, OH BOY! [That's me! Daniel l. Worona "Rare Bird"]

 TAKE LIFE DAY-BY-DAY.

 NOTE: MORE DIET HUMOR AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS HOME WEBPAGE.



LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

 IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

 COPYRIGHT 1949-2020 Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird"). 

(Online since: June 7, 1999.)

The world's #1 DIET HUMOR Website for over twenty-one (21) consecutive years: danworona.50megs.com.




THIS IS A HOBBY DIET HUMOR WEBSITE.

YOU ARE SAFE. I AM NOT SELLING ANYTHING.

My E-mail address is: dworona@yahoo.com       

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me.

PLEASE NOTE: My YAHOO E-MAIL ADDRESS is 100% SECURE.

The connection to the YAHOO server is encrypted.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.



HOW YOU CAN HELP ME:

 PLEASE ADD A HOT (ACTIVE) LINK TO MY DIET HUMOR WEBSITE ON YOUR BLOG, WEBSITE, or SOCIAL MEDIA.

 THANK YOU!

 DAN WORONA




RE: E-MAILING DAN WORONA.

PLEASE BE ADVISED: My website E-mail link (50MEGS server) is broken.

 Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

 If you want to contact me, YOU WILL HAVE TO TYPE MY E-MAIL ADDRESS IN MANUALLY. (or do a COPY & PASTE)

 My E-mail address is: “dworona@yahoo.com” without the quotes.




BIG FAT MAMA HUMOR:

 I would say the world's in terrible shape, but I'm afraid the world would say, 'Look who's talking!'

 Cass Elliot [She was a plus-size woman.]

 

(1943 – 1974) American singer (Mamas & Papas)




FAT CHEF HUMOR:

If you can’t tell the difference between a spoon and a ladle, then you’re fat.



EATING HUMOR:

DIET GURU DANIEL L. WORONA SAYS: Square meals often make round people.



OVEREATER'S ANONYMOUS JOKE:

He is so fat… when he joined Overeater's Anonymous and they made him a chapter.

Anonymous.



DIETING AND OVEREATING JOKE:

 When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less.

 Richard Armour

 (1906 – 1989) American poet & author.



FAT DAFFYNITION:

 Fat: Energy gone to waist.

 Anonymous.



CALORIE JOKE

Food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.

Dieter's Law.



A GOOD TASTE JOKE:

 A FASHIONABLE WOMAN WITH GOOD TASTE JOKE by DANIEL L. WORONA

 [If you do not give me credit, do not post it!]

 A FASHIONABLY DRESSED PLUS-SIZE WOMAN SAYS: "I have good taste...

 Everything tastes good!"

*************************

Copyright by Daniel L. Worona

 For those of you who are "slow" [POLITICALLY CORRECT TERM], it is a pun.




DIET TIP BY DAN WORONA (a. k. a. DAN DAN THE MUSCLE MAN):

 [If you do not give me credit, do not post it!]


DIET AND FITNESS EXPERT DAN WORONA SAYS: Dieting, weight loss, and exercise requires a lot of water...

....most of it in the form of perspiration.

WORIGINAL ORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA



If my DIET HUMOR website made you smile and laugh today, then I accomplished one of my goals for today.

 Thank you,

 DANNY BOY, OH BOY! DAN WORONA

CHA CHA CHA!




HERE IS SOME NEWBIE DIET HUMOR 4 U:


FUNNY DIET ON-LINERS AND DIET HUMOR TW0-LINERS: 

Doctor, I think I'm Bipolar! (Why's That?) Because I hate to get fat but I love to eat.


 I try to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.


How do most people curb their appetite? At the drive thru window.


Q: Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?

A: He'll dessert you.


Did you hear about the hungry clock? He went back four seconds.


Q: When should you go on a cheese diet?

A: If you need to cheddar a few pounds.


My figure does nothing for me, so why should I do anything for it?


Diet is 'die' with a -T.


Why are most horses in shape? Because they are on a stable diet.


 Have you seen the Spy thriller about fat people?

It's called "Tomorrow Never Diets"


 Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.


Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their

diets.


Q: What do you call someone who can't stick with a diet?

A: A desserter.


Why do people on a diet eat TV dinners?

So they could watch what they eat!


You’re fat and you need to go on a diet. I'm not going to sugarcoat it because you'll eat that too.


My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light she starts to eat.


You can't lose weight by talking about it. You need to keep your mouth shut.


Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.


I heard Bruce Willis is trying to lose weight. Apparently, he's trying to "Diet Hard".


BEING OVERWEIGHT: It'll keep you warmer in the winter and shaded in the summer.


Have you heard of the garlic diet?

You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!


THE LOW-FAT DIET:

Q: How do you know your low-fat diet is working?

A:The fat hangs lower every day.


Mama taught me to clean my plate; she didn't teach me not to pile it high.


You’re fat and you need to go on a diet. I'm not going to sugarcoat it because you'll eat that too.


Have you seen the movie about the Atkins diet? Dude, Where's My Carbs?


My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light she starts to eat.


Did you hear about the Dr. DoLittle Diet? You talk to food instead of eating it.


You can't lose weight by talking about it. You need to keep your mouth shut.


If your dog is too fat, then you are not getting enough exercise.


Dieting is not a piece of cake.

WORIGINAL by DANIEL WORONA


I thought about taking up jogging, but why punish my legs for something my

mouth did?


Q: What do vegan zombies eat?

A: GgggggggRrrrrrAaaaIiiiNNnnnSSsssss!


What is a man's idea of a balanced diet? A beer in each hand.


Q: What do you call someone who can't stick with a diet?

A: A desserter.


FATTY FAT FAT ADVICE:

Why shouldn't you worry about gaining a few extra pounds?

Fat people are harder to kidnap.


Did you hear about the seafood diet? You see food and you eat it.




HERE IS MY FIRST RANDOM JOKE [JANUARY 2020]: YOU WILL FIND MORE ON EACH DIET HUMOR WEBPAGE.



[What's the word, Hummingbird?]


GOLF JOKE:

FAT GOLFERS VERUS SKINNY GOLFERS STUDY:

A recent study had some interesting conclusions on the weight of golfers in a particular summer amateur golf league.

This study indicated that the single golfers who play in these leagues are 'skinnier' than the married ones.

The study's explanation for this result was interesting. It seems that the single golfer goes out and plays his round of golf, has a 'refreshment' at the 19th hole, goes home and goes to his refrigerator, finds nothing decent there and goes to bed.

The married golfer goes out and plays his round of golf, has a 'refreshment' at the 19th hole, goes home and goes to bed, finds nothing decent there, so he goes to his refrigerator.




 


HUMOROUS DIET QUOTES AND DIET TIPS AND GOOD THOUGHTS:

This is only a sample:

WHEN YOU'RE OUT OF WILLPOWER, YOU CALL ON STUBBORNESS.



WHILE THE GRASS GROWS THE HORSE STARVES.

This proverb warns us that our plans or hopes for the future may sometimes take too long to bring to fruit.



NO MATTER WHAT KIND OF A DIET YOU ARE ON, YOU CAN USUALLY EAT AS MUCH AS YOU WANT OF ANYTHING YOU DON'T LIKE.



OVERWEIGHT GIRL: I COULD BE SO SKINNY IF I DIDNT HAVE TASTEBUDS.



KEEP CALM AND DIET ON.



FUNNY FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATE:

Thanks for sharing what you eat. Guess what! I eat too.



IF YOU SPEAK THE TRUTH, HAVE A FOOT IN THE STIRRUP.

--TURKISH PROVERB.



IF YOU SPEAK THE TRUTH, HAVE A FAST HORSE SADDLED UP AND READY TO RIDE.

--SPANNISH PROVERB.




SPEAK THE TRUTH, AND THEN RUN LIKE HELL!

--DANIEL L. WORONA



DIET AND HEALTH SECRET:

DIET, HEALTH AND GOOD POSTURE:

SIT UP STRAIGHT.

WHY OH WHY?

Oh, gosh! My vital organs are being squashed!

DON’T SLOUCH ON THE COUCH!

Never slouch, as doing so compresses the lungs, and your other vital organs are being squashed.

WORIGINAL ORIGINAL DANIEL L. WORONA



CORNY DIET JOKES

Q: Why are teddy bears never hungry?

A: Because they’re always stuffed.



CORNY DIET JOKES:

A woman noticed her beer-belly overweight husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.

“That’s not going to help,” she mocked him.

“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”



WORDS OF DAFFY WISDOM:

DIET, FOOD, BODY AND CANDY DAFFYNITONS:

DIET DAFFYNITION:

DIETING: Mind over platter.



FUNNY ABDOMINAL  DAFFYNITION:

ABDICATE: To give up all hope of having a flat stomach.



MOUSE POTATO DAFFYNITION:


MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.



WRINKLES DAFFYNITION:

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.



SUGAR DAFFYNITION:

SUGAR CANE: An edible walking stick.



CANDY DAFFYNITION:

RETREAT: To get another piece of candy.






 

 



FUNNY WORDS OF WISDOM CAN BE FOUND THROUGHOUT MY DIET HUMOR WEBSITE:

MOST PEOPLE WANT THE FRONT OF THE BUS, THE BACK OF THE CHURCH, AND THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.



THERE ARE THREE WAYS IN LIFE TO BECOME POPULAR: BE RICH, BE BEAUTIFUL, OR BE FUNNY.



EVERYTHING IS FUNNY, AS LONG AS IT'S HAPPENING TO SOMEBODY ELSE.

--Will Rogers



I WAS GONNA TAKE OVER THE WORLD TODAY BUT I OVERSLEPT.

POSTPONED, AGAIN!

--Anonymous





 


FUNNY EXERCISE & SPORTS QUOTES:

KARATE: the ancient art of getting people to buy belts.



HOW TO GET RICH QUICK:

Dig where the gold is, unless you need the exercise.



 


LIFE JOKES:

Yesterday evening I had to change a lightbulb, a bit later on I crossed the road, then I walked into a bar.

I began to realize my life was a joke.



 


I'VE GOT THIS OBESITY PROBLEM LICKED!

DIET PUN:

MORE DIET ADVICE from DANIEL WORONA:

IF ALL ELSE FAILS, STOP USING ALL ELSE.




 


DIET MOTIVATIONAL QUOTES:

DIET TIP:

Small changes can make a big difference.




DIET MOTIVATIONAL TIP:

DO IT NOW!

TODAY WILL BE YESTERDAY TOMORROW.




FUNNY FORTUNE COOKIE:

You will marry a professional athlete...

If competitive eating can be considered a sport.



  



DIET RULES FOR CHEATERS:

If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.

Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

Cookie pieces contain no fat — the process of breaking causes fat leakage.

Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife while making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon while making a sundae.

Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate.

NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and popsicles.




BIG FUN HUMOR:

It's all fun and games until your jeans don't fit.




MY SALAD DIET IS ON HOLD:

FATTY PATTY SAYS: I was going to diet, but the lettuce keeps getting contaminated.




GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS JOKE:

RIGHT NOW CHOCOLATE IS GOOD FOR YOU AND ROMAINE LETTUCE CAN KILL YOU:

I've been training my whole life for this moment!




EATING HUMOR:

Why don't men eat between meals.

There *IS* no "between" meals.




DIET DROPOUT HUMOR:

Whenever I feel sad, I just go to my happy place.

The refrigerator.




DIET DAFFYNITION:

Diet (noun): An odd process where, instead of watching what we eat, we watch what other people eat.




DIET JOKE:

Do you call a person who has abandoned their diet a desserter?




FUNNY REFRIGERATOR MAGNETS:

You are overweight if you are living beyond your seams.

I am not fat, I am calorically gifted.

Diet and exercise to fight hazardous waists.

Life is unsure, so always eat your dessert first.




A CULINARY PUN:

What do you call friends you meet at culinary school?

Taste buds!




CALORIE HUMOR:

Calories (noun): Tiny devious creatures that live in our closets, and make our clothes smaller and smaller every night.




THE FAST DIETER JOKE: "THE FAST FAST FASTER DISASTER"

Everyone asks me how, despite all the diets I’ve tried, I still cannot seem to lose any weight. Between you and me, I don’t want to brag, but I guess I’m just that good!

This week I managed to finish my 2-week diet in four hours and 18 minutes!




ADELE JOKE:

What’s Adele’s favorite dessert?

Jello from the other side!




A FOODIE JOKE:

What’s a foodie’s favorite TV show?

Breaking Bread!




THIS IS A HOBBY DIET HUMOR WEBSITE.

YOU ARE SAFE. I AM NOT SELLING ANYTHING.

My E-mail address is: dworona@yahoo.com       

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me.

PLEASE NOTE: My YAHOO E-MAIL ADDRESS is 100% SECURE.

The connection to the YAHOO server is encrypted.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.




HOW YOU CAN HELP ME?

PLEASE ADD A HOT (ACTIVE) LINK TO MY DIET HUMOR WEBSITE ON YOUR BLOG, WEBSITE, or SOCIAL MEDIA.

THANK YOU!

DAN WORONA