| DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES |
WEIGHT NO MORE!!! LAUGH IT OFF WITH DIET HUMOR. Daniel Worona
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Daniel Worona’s LAUGH IT OFF DIET: A compilation of over 125,000 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES and growing fatter every day. Plus-plus thousand's of ORIGINAL diet humor sayings, diet puns, diet jokes, diet limericks, diet laughter, diet quotes, obesity humor, obesity jokes, fat jokes and fat humour by Daniel L. Worona (most of which has never been published). You are about to enjoy Daniel Worona's "LAUGH IT OFF" DIET. (Online since: June 7, 1999.)
The world's #1 DIET HUMOR nonesuch Web site for nearly ten years: danworona.50megs.com. It's a SITE to see!!! WEIGHT LOSS TIP (from DIET HUMOR guru: Daniel Worona) 100 laughs a day is equal to 10 minutes of exercise! This is the #1 DIET HUMOR Web site in the world according to all the major HONEST search engines. WELCOME TO THE FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IN THE WORLD. CAUTION: Do not try to devour my entire DIET HUMOR Web site in one sitting. The Surgeon General has determined that it can cause FUNSTROKE. THE HA-HA!, HO-HO! DIET by Daniel L. Worona Just say NO-NO to YO-YO (dieting), So, get off your YA-YA. 1. I KEEP TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT BUT IT KEEPS FINDING ME.
2. Whether you want to be thick or thin IS A MATTER OF TASTE!!!
20. Daniel Worona's hungry monster anti-diet:
21. Q: What do you call an overweight monster? Woriginal DIET JOKES & DIET PUNS by Daniel Worona:
1. The SUBWAY SANDWICH DIET doesn't work!
2. Q: What do you call a person on a diet who loses twenty-five pounds in just one month?
3. Diet puns: AMAZING NEW WEIGHT LOSS DISCOVERY!!!
4. I saw a poster advertising a lecture to be given by a world-famous nutritionist on EATING PROBLEMS. I said to myself: HEY, I DON'T NEED THAT. I DON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEM EATING!!
5. Diet and Fitness pun:
6. I GAVE UP DESSERTS!!!
7. Diet Advice by Daniel L. Worona: When I say: Instead of YO-YO DIETING, try HO-HO DIETING. I am not talking about a steady diet of "HO-HOs and Twinkies." I am talking about HO-HO's as in HA-HA! We all know that Santa invented the "HO-HO DIET", and you should know Daniel L. Worona is the founder of the "HA-HA DIET". Thank you very much.
8. Dieters are very "NARROW-MINDED."
9. DIET DROPOUTS are "BROAD-MINDED."
10. Q: Why did the MIDNIGHT SNACKER gain so much weight? Diet riddle by Daniel L. Worona “Rara Avis” 11. DIET & EXERCISE JOKE Two overweight women were walking home from work, and they began talking about their schedule of activities for the evening. "I've got an idea" said one. "Let's flip a coin. If it lands on heads, we'll go get a cheeseburger. If it lands on tails, we'll go to get a pizza. And if it lands on its side, we'll go to the gym to work out. WORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA (That means Y-O-U!!!)
I am seeking a literary agent and a major publisher who will do justice to my DIET HUMOR, DIET LAUGHS and DIET JOKES collection. DIET HUMOR, DIET GURU AND WELLNESS EXPERT DANIEL L. WORONA Experience: Daniel Worona "RARA AVIS" ("Rare Bird") is a diet guru and fitness expert. He is a retired physical education teacher and personal trainer (They didn't call him DAN DAN THE MUSCLE MAN for nothing). His parents were both "health nuts" and taught him well... wellness. Needless to say, he is a published author, wordsmith, linguist and humorist (joke writer). He is looking for a literary agent and major publisher for his collection of more than 125,000 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES. E-MAIL: You may contact me at: dworona@yahoo.com If any of the active ("HOT") e-mail links do not work, please use your regular e-mail service.
To help a publisher-challenged writer, you may e-mail him at: dworona@yahoo.com.
PLEASE E-MAIL YOUR FAVORITE DIET JOKE: dworona@yahoo.com Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.
5. Sign on the Olympic stadium in China: 6. Another Daniel Worona diet tip: Do a reality check every once in a while to make sure your goals are realistic. T-shirt: MY REALITY CHECK BOUNCED! 7. Definition: JUNK PHOOD is unhealthy food "fortified" with pharmaceuticals. DISCLAIMER!!! All spelling errors and grammatical errors on this DIET HUMOR Web site are intentional; otherwise they are the fault of the hosting server. --Mr. Perfect: Daniel "U KAN'T SPEL" Worona Excuse me, while I go polish my halo. VEGETARIANS VEGGIE DITTY (bumper sticker): GO VEG / VEGAN (Translation: GO VEGETARIAN BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.) CAN YOU HELP ME FIND A LITERARY AGENT and PUBLISHER, OR OFFER A SUGGESTION? IF SO, PLEASE E-MAIL ME. Why do I need a publisher?: Because... I COULDN'T SELL A LIFEBOAT ON THE TITANIC, however, I am the foremost DIET HUMOR collector in the world. My area of expertise is collecting DIET HUMOR, not publishing. GOT DIET JOKES TO SHARE? Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread. This is a 50-year plus collection of more than 125,000 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET LIMERICKS, DIET JOKES, CHOCOLATE HUMOR and related diet humor subjects (too numerous to mention). It includes "tons" of original material by Daniel Worona. THIS NONESUCH DIET HUMOR COLLETION WILL EVENTUALLY BE SHARED WITH YOU IN BOOK FORM (as soon as I find a publisher). WHEN YOU OVERINDULGE, THERE IS A “HEAVY PRICE” TO PAY.--Woriginal by Daniel Worona “Rara Avis” MORE “BUST YOUR GUT “ DIET HUMOR AHEAD. DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU. |
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1. STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backwards. 2.Diets are for people who are THICK and tired of it. 3. People go to Weight Watchers to learn their LESSENS. 4. I DRIVE WAY TOO FAST TO WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL. 5. THE FAST DIET: If you are thin, don't eat fast. If you are fat, don't eat-- FAST!!! 6. The best way to lose weight is by skipping... skip the desserts... skip the snacks... skip the beer... skip the SKIPPY. --Daniel Worona (version) 7. DIET JOKE: Try my wife's new recipe for diet meatloaf... Don't worry, you won't eat much.. 8. GRAVITY BRINGS ME DOWN. 9. ONE SHOULD EAT TO LIVE NOT LIVE TO EAT. 10. THOU SHALT NOT WEIGH MORE THAN THY REFRIGERATOR. 11. GOD MUST LOVE CALORIES BECAUSE HE MADE SO MANY OF THEM! 12. LIFE IS FULL OF UPS AND POUNDS. 13. HAVING A PERFECT BODY ISN'T DIFFICULT... IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. 14. THE HAIGHT DIET: TO LOSE WEIGHT JUST EAT THE STUFF YOU HATE. --DR. HAIGHT (D. WORONA) 15. DIETING IS THE PENALTY FOR EXCEEDING THE FEED LIMIT. Q: WHO KEEPS TRACK OF THE COOKIES WE EAT?
He has "searched the world" for more than 50-years for diet humor, diet ditties, diet limericks, weight-loss humor, fat humor / humour and diet slang. Daniel Worona has thousand's of original and unpublished diet humor sayings, diet cartoons, and diet word plays. Experience: Daniel Worona "RARA AVIS" ("Rare Bird") is a diet guru and fitness expert. He is a retired physical education teacher and personal trainer (They didn't call him DAN DAN THE MUSCLE MAN for nothing). His parents were both "health nuts" and taught him well... wellness. Needless to say, he is a published author, wordsmith, linguist and humorist (joke writer). He is looking for a literary agent and major publisher for his collection of more than 125,000 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES. E-MAIL: You may contact me at: dworona@yahoo.com If any of the active ("HOT") e-mail links do not work, please use your regular e-mail service. WORIGINAL by DANIEL WORONA FEED LIMIT 65 (calories per hour) Copyright 1949-2010 by Daniel Lee Worona "RARE BIRD" MORE LAUGH OUT LOUD, CHOKE ON YOUR COFFEE DIET HUMOR AHEAD.
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I'VE GOT THE PROBLEM LICKED.
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WINNING AND THINNING with Daniel Worona's world-famous LAUGH IT OFF DIET. SKILLS AND EDUCATION: Besides being a diet guru and wellness expert, Daniel Worona is an ethnologist, having spent more than 50-years studying various cultures. He is a retired school teacher and has several degrees in computer science. He is bilingual and has spent more than fifty years collecting MEXICAN FOLKLORE HUMOR (HUMOR 1. VERSITOS CHISTOSOS DE OAXACA Compiled by Daniel Worona "Rara Avis" ISBN: 0-915311-00-3 2. FOLKLORE CHISTOSO Compiled by Daniel Worona "Rara Avis" ISBN: 0-915311-01-1.
HOORAY FOR ME!!! I now have compiled more than 125,000 DIET HUMOR sayings, DIET JOKES, OBESITY HUMOR sayings, OBESITY JOKES, FAT HUMOR and FAT JOKES. WORD OF MOUTH: Please tell your friends about my 50-year plus collection of DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES. Sooner or later there will be a publisher with enough brains to figure out I have a priceless collection of DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES. CAN YOU HELP ME FIND A MAJOR PUBLISHER OR OFFER A SUGGESTION? If so, please e-mail me. FUNNY DIET ONE-LINERS:
1.CHOCOLATE. COFFEE. MEN.
2. IF YOU HAVE NO TASTE, A LOT OF FOOD GOES TO WASTE; BUT IF YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TASTE, A LOT OF IT WILL GO TO WAIST.
3. Sign in a gym: GET YOUR REAR IN GEAR!
4. T-shirt: INSTANT HUMAN (just add coffee).
5. DIET IS SOMETHING THAT TAKES THE STARCH OUT OF YOU.
6. I'M ON A GRAPEFRUIT DIET. I EAT EVERYTHING BUT GRAPEFRUIT.
7. LIFE WITHOUT PIZZA IS NO LIFE AT ALL. 8. BRAIN CELLS COME AND BRAIN CELLS GO, BUT FAT CELLS LAST FOREVER. 9. I DON'T HAVE AN EATING PROBLEM.
11. THE NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF PEOPLE FALLING OFF THEIR DIETS IS FOOD.
12. A MOMENT ON THE LIPS, FOREVER ON THE HIPS.
13. DIETING IS MIND OVER PLATTER.
14. LIFE IS UNCERTAIN. EAT DESSERT FIRST. 15. No BODY is perfect. 16. Sigh on the side of a pizza delivery truck: THE FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IN THE WORLD!!! CAN YOU HELP A PUBLISHER-CHALLENGED WRITER???
If you can help me find a publisher or offer a positive suggestion, please contact me at: dworona@yahoo.com (NOTE: If this “HOT” active e-mail link does not work for you, please use your regular e-mail service.) Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread. This is DIET HUMOR. Please do not take it personally. If you do... you need to LIGHTEN UP!! (Get it?) --Daniel Worona "Rara Avis" DIET ONE LINERS:
1. THE WORLD IS DIVIDED INTO PEOPLE WHO LIVE TO EAT AND THOSE WHO EAT TO LIVE.
HEALTH JOKE: Please check out the rest of this DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES website, and you will learn THE GREATEST WEIGHT-LOSS SECRET OF ALL TIME!!!!!
On MY FAVORITES LINKS page you will find the number one diet in the world (in the upper left corner at the top of the page). It is not perfect, but almost. (HINT: It was developed by Uncle Sam with your tax dollars.) AMAZING DIET DISCOVERY: 1. One is called THE ITALIAN PASTA DIET.
4. The sensational "NEW DIET." It is the "NEW" way to lose weight.
You will find all four of these diets on my DIET HUMOR SOS page on this Web site. I GUARANTEE THAT THEY WORK!!!
Have I ever lied to you before? Daniel L. Worona A KILLER DIET: You will thoroughly enjoy "THE ELVIS DIET"!!! , and THE NO DIET DIET. FUNNY DIET QUIPS, QUOTES AND JOKES
1. LABELS: THE GOVERNMENT WILL BE REQUIRING NEW FOOD LABELS THAT ARE MORE SPECIFIC. PRODUCTS WILL NOW BE LABELED: NO FAT; LOW FAT; REDUCED FAT; AND FAT, BUT GREAT PERSONALITY. 2. I'M ON A LOW-FAT, HIGH STRESS DIET .... COFFEE AND FINGERNAILS. 3. HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE GARLIC DIET? 4. DON'T DIG YOUR GRAVE WITH YOUR OWN KNIFE AND FORK. DANIEL WORONA'S "LAUGH IT OFF" DIET: DIET HUMOR, DIET JOKES, DIET PUNS, DIET QUOTES, DIET LAUGHS, DIET LIMERICKS, OBESITY HUMOUR, WEIGHT LOSS HUMOR, FUNNY DIET RIDDLES, DIET DITTIES and so on compiled by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis." This is a 50-year plus collection, a large portion of which has never been published.IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION! (I am seeking a literary agent and a major publisher.) DONE CHANGED MY MIND: As of February 29, 2008 I will continue to add DIET HUMOR to this Web site, however, I will not be posting the "PRIMO", or "THE BEST OF THE BEST" of my more than 50-year DIET HUMOR collection. I am saving the "CREME DE LA CREME" of my DIET HUMOR, DIET JOKES, OBESITY HUMOR, OBESITY JOKES and FAT JOKES collection for when my entire DIET HUMOR collection is published in book form. P ......................................................................................... PLEASE HELP ME TO FIND A PUBLISHER. Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash tore open the icebox then threw up the sash. The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow sent thoughts of a binge to my body below. When what to my wandering eyes should appear: a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer! That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick. The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear; On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox. From the top of the scales to the top of the hall now dash away pounds now dash away all. Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress my clothes were all bulging from too much excess. My droll little mouth and my round little belly they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly. I spoke not a word but went straight to my work ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk. And laying a finger beside my heartburn I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned. I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry if temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by. And I mumbled again as I turned for the night in the morning I'll starve . . . 'til I take that first bite. COOKING HUMOR: I'M NOT A BAD COOK, I AM MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE. WARNING: MORE HILARIOUS CALORIE-BURNING LAUGHS AND FALL OUT OF YOUR CHAIR DIET HUMOR AHEAD. AND DON'T FORGET: DIETING IS NO PIECE OF CAKE!!! COPYRIGHT 1949-2010 by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis" (This is a 50-year plus collection and compilation of more than 125,000 DIET HUMOR sayings, a large portion of which has never been published. I am seeking a literary agent and major publisher.) IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION! NOTICE OF COPYRIGHT:
THANK YOU VERY MUCH: I thank all the kind people out there in cyberspace who have been giving me credit when when they use material from this DIET HUMOR Web site. Daniel Worona "RareBird" WARNING!!!: For those who continue to steal from this DIET HUMOR Web site without giving Daniel Worona proper credit, you will be bombarded with CALORIES and FAT BOMBS.
BAD KARMA WILL GET YA!!! (JUST YOU "WEIGHT"!!!) LEGAL NOTICE:
Thank you very much,
Daniel l. Worona E-mail: dworona@yahoo.com If this active ¨HOT" link does not work for you, please use your regular e-mail service. Image credit of overweight man on scale: Freedomyou.com |
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