Umpteen thousand DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET QUOTES and DIET JOKES, a 65-year plus collection compiled by Dan Worona "RARA AVIS" Much of this collection has never been published. All rights reserved.
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1. WHAT IS THE BEST DIET EXERCISE FOR LOSING WEIGHT?
EXERCISE A LITTLE SELF-CONTROL.
-Woriginal by Dan Worona
("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!! Don't be a FATHEAD!!!)
2. Daniel Worona diet advice: DON'T EAT EVERYTHING YOU LIKE, BUT LIKE EVERYTHING YOU EAT. --A Dan Woriginal
3. Diet tip: Drinking four glasses of water before every meal will help you lose weight, because you'll burn up a lot of calories running to the bathroom.
4. DIETING IS THE PENALTY FOR EXCEEDING THE FEED LIMIT.
5. DIET JOKE: WHAT WOMEN WANT: DINNER OUT.
WHAT WOMEN GET: DINNER OUT OF A BOX.
6. SCHIZOPHRENIA BEATS DINING ALONE.
7. REDUCING IS WISHFUL SHRINKING.
8. FAT IS ENERGY GONE TO WAIST.
9. CELERY IS A FORM OF EXERCISE.
10. NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS BEING THIN FEELS.
11. LET YOUR CONTOUR BE YOUR GUIDE.
12. DIETING: IT'S HARD BY THE YARD, BUT BY THE INCH IT'S A CINCH.
13. DON'T TAKE FAT CHANCES, ONLY SLIM ONES.
14. TO DIET IS TO "NO" THYSELF.
15. YOU'RE NOT OVERWEIGHT,
I have ZERO influence in the news media. I have even LESS influence with the publishing industry. I do not have a friend in the entire world to help me get published, EXCEPT YOU. Later on in this Web site you will find my famous DIET HUMOR E-MAIL DIET. Please send it to all your friends.
Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis." (a.k.a. PAUNCHO GORDO)
PAUNCHO GORDO is my Mexican alias.
My DIET HUMOR Web site is still currently #1 on Google, Yahoo, and AOL, among others, thanks to nice peole like you.
(The sooner there is a demand for my DIET HUMOR to be published, the sooner you will enjoy all of my thousands and thousands of DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES.)
OBJECTIVE: I want to publish my inimitable collection so that everyone may enjoy it.
(That means Y-O-U!!!)
I am seeking a literary agent and a major publisher who will do justice to my DIET HUMOR, DIET LAUGHS and DIET JOKES collection.
I thank you,
DIET HUMORIST, DIET GURU, FITNESS, OBESITY AND WELLNESS EXPERT DANIEL L. WORONA
Experience: Daniel Worona "RARA AVIS" ("Rare Bird") is a diet guru, obesity and fitness expert. He is a retired physical education teacher and personal trainer (They didn't call him DAN DAN THE MUSCLE MAN for nothing). He has been "well taught." His parents were both "health nuts" and taught him well... wellness. Needless to say, he is a published author, wordsmith, linguist and diet humorist.
Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" (danworona.50megs.com)
a.k.a. Dock Daniel L. Worona M.D. (MASTER OF DISASTER)
a.k.a. Pauncho Gordo (Mexico), a.k.a. Pauncho Panzoni (Italy)
1. If you can take a diet to some length, it will change your width.
2. I HAVE BEEN ON A DIET FOR TWO WEEKS.
SO FAR I HAVE LOST FOURTEEN DAYS.
3. I'M NOT FAT! I'M FLUFFY.
4. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
5. THOSE WHO FUDGE, PUDGE. --Dan Worona
6. After noticing how slim and trim my husband had become, a friend asked me how I had persuaded him to diet. It was then I shared my secret: “I put our teenage son’s shorts in his underwear drawer.
DIET PRAYER by diet specialist Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"
So far, so good. I've done very well today, and have been on my best behavior. I haven't eaten any junk food, haven't eaten any candy or sweets, haven't raided the refrigerator, and haven't sat around munching and watching TV. I'm really thrilled about that!
But in a few moments, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help with my diet.
Thank you. In Jesus' name, Amen.
--Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona “Rara Avis”
I remember one time when I was home visiting my folks. My mom asked me to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a cheesecake picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantily-clad young woman.
"Mom, what's this?" I asked.
"Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat," she answered.
"Is it working?" I asked.
"Yes and no," she explained. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!"
A DIET PRAYER
Lord, my soul is ripped with riot
incited by my wicked diet.
"We Are What We Eat," said a wise old man!
Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
To rise on Judgment Day, it's plain!
With my present weight, I'll need a crane.
So grant me strength, that I may not fall
into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,
that my soul may be poly unsaturated.
And show me the light, that I may bear witness
to the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleo margarine I'll never mutter,
for the road to Hell is spread with butter.
And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;
and Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone;
the Devil is in each slice of baloney.
Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
and Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice
Cut it thin and toast it twice.
I beg upon my dimpled knees,
deliver me from jujube's.
And when my days of trial are done,
and my war with malted milk is won.
Let me stand with Heavenly throng,
In a shining robe -- size 30 long.
I can do it Lord, if you'll show to me,
the virtues of lettuce and celery.
Teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
and of pasta a la Milanese...
and crisp-fried chicken from the South.
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth.
Q: WHY DOES A CHICKEN COOP ONLY HAVE TWO DOORS?
A: BECAUSE IF IT HAD FOUR IT WOULD BE A SEDAN.
(Okay, so it isn't exactly a diet joke, but you just laughed off a calorie or two.)
FUNNY BOOK TITLES:
1. EATING DISORDERS by ANNA REXIA
2. HOW TO GAIN WEIGHT by ELLIE FUNT
3. ITALIAN FOOD by PEPE RONI
4. MEAT EATERS by CARNEY VORE
5. LOW-FAT HOG RECIPES by LENA BACON
6. CONTINENTAL BREAKFASTS by ROLAND BUTTER
HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT
by X. R. Sizemore
LOSE WEIGHT NOW
by Y. B. Phatt
LOSE WEIGHT NOW (WHY WEIGHT?)
by Daniel L. Worona
DIET QUIPS AND QUOTES
You can't lose weight without exercise. But I've got a philosophy about exercise. I don't think you should punish your legs for something your mouth did. Drag your lips around the block once or twice.
A DIET LIMERICK
Failing diets, the youth was obese
But his mother was chief of police.
She put him in jail,
Saying, "Here is a scale.
Losing fifty will win your release."
Mary E. Moore
OBESITY JOKE: Obesity has now been linked to the number of hours you watch TV. And all this time I thought it had something to do with food.
COPYRIGHT Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"
(Online since: June 7, 1999.)
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
(This is a sixty-year plus collection, a large portion of which has never been published. IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!)
No one can even come close to duplicating Daniel L. Worona’s 65-year plus PEERLESS DIET HUMOR collection.
The world's fattest collection of DIET HUMOR sayings and growing fatter every day.
It is a ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!!!
NOTICE OF COPYRIGHT:
If you borrow from this DIET HUMOR Web site, at least have the decency to give DANIEL L. WORONA his due credit.
NOTE: Any material and/or DIET HUMOR / HUMOUR you borrow from this Web site (danworona.50megs.com) may only be used for "NON-COMMERCIAL" purposes.
Thank you very much,
Daniel L. Worona
Daniel "WOR" Worona, diet humorist, diet guru, anti-obesity activist, obesity and fitness expert, wishes you a HEALTHIER and WELL-THIER you!!!
Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"
LAUGH IT OFF DIET.
IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.
COPYRIGHT 1949-2018 Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird").
(Online since: June 7, 1999.)
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