A short story by DANIEL L. WORONA
That's it folks! (A one word short story.)
That is the whole webpage.
You can stop reading.
Stop reading now!
DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER!
You're still there? Great!
Because from this point onward you are not allowed to blame me for anything.
I asked you nicely to quit reading and you just kept right on going.
You obviously don't care what I think or say.
C'est la vie.
PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.
You've been warned.
HA! HA! HA! You fell for it just like I did.
JOIN THE "BRAINY FOOLS CLUB!"
NONE OF YOU ARE AS SMART AS YOU THINK YOU ARE.
CONTRARY PROVERBS AND SAYINGS [ANYTHING CAN BE TWISTED: PRO or CON.]
Honesty is the best policy.
That's a lie.
HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY, BUT KEEPING YOUR MOUTH SHUT SOMETIMES IS EVEN BETTER.
DIET AND FAT HUMOR:
Q: What is the world's most popular wine?
A: I don't like brussels sprouts.
FAT MAN SAYS: My body is not a temple.
It's a garbage disposal with legs.
WORIGINAL DANIEL L. WORONA
Her catch phrase was: "Saving the world, one doughnut at a time!
COUCH POTATO JOKE:
Q: What kind of exercise is perfect for lazy people?
A: Diddly squats.
BRITISH JOKE about FAT AMERICANS:
AMERICA'S GOT TALENT.
An eating contest?
NEXT JOKE WILL BE POSTED TOMORROW.
OVERWIGHT WOMAN SAYS: "I always start my diet on the same day...
SONG BY CREEDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL: TOMORROW NEVER COMES.
TOMORROW: the greatest labor-saving devive.
RACE BEFOR MEALS PRAYER:
Our Heavenly Father, we thank you for this food, and we humbly request that You perform a miracle and remove the calories from the dessert.
SHAPELY GIRL JOKE:
She has an hourglass figure, and she certainly makes every second count.
LIVE LIFE TO ITS FULLEST:
MEANING: TO GET OFF YOUR BACKSIDE, be grateful for what you have, and LIVE!
HEALTH ALERT by DANIEL L. WORONA
WATCHOUT! The obesity epidemic is spreading.
DEAR FAT PEOPLE:
I am not insulting you!
I am describing you.
ZIP THE LIP!!!
A moment on the lips, forever on the hips!
Calories In = Calories Out!
The first three letters in the word diet is DIE so live carefully.
ALL TOGETHER NOW, REPEAT AFTER ME:
Touch your toes, and touch your toes, AND WISH YOU SKIPPED THOSE OREO’S.”
If you don’t watch your figure, no one else will either.
Remember who holds the fork.
OLD AGE JOKE:
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
Q: What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure?
A: A waist of time.
Know the real deal about your meal.
Good things come to those who wait… greater things come to those who get off their ass and do anything to make it happen.
“When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, ‘Four. I don’t think I can eat eight.'”
JEST FOR ALL YOU WACKOS:
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? And how do you get things into it?
Parsely, Is gharsely.
YOGA JOKE & CHOCOLATE CAKE HUMOR:
Q: What do Yoga meditation and a chocolate cake have in common?
A: They each bring you a piece or peace of heaven.
STAR WARS JOKE:
What is a Jedis favorite Italian dessert?
Obi wan Cannoli.
STAR WARS JOKE:
Luke: What’s for dinner tonight, Dad?
Anakin: Wookiee steak.
Luke: Is it any good?
Anakin: It’s a little chewy.
LADY FINGERS JOKE:
What’s a cannibal’s favorite dessert?
FAT DEMONS JOKE:
What do fat demons hate?
HISTORY QUOTES: [HEY! HOW DID THESE GET IT HERE?]
After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an auto accident, you begin to worry about history.
History does not repeat itself; historians merely repeat each other.
She is so thin it takes two of her to make a shadow..
MIDDLE AGE JOKE:
Maybe they call it middle age because that is where it shows first.
WEIGHT LOSS TIP:
When eating donuts...
Only eat the center part.
CHOCOLATE THERAPY HUMOR:
Chocolate is an antidepressant, which is especially useful as you start to gain weight.
THINK ABOUT IT!
Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
Of course I talk to myself... sometimes I need expert advice.
If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot.
Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.
Q: Why was the chubby woman angry after her yoga class?
A: She was bent out of shape.
LIFE IS A MERRY-GO-ROUND...
Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down, and sometimes you just go round and round.
LIFE IS SHORT...
You never know what you have until...
you clean your room.
KIDS FOOD RIDDLE:
Q: What does the Invisible Man drink at snack time?
A: Evaporated milk.
FAT KID JOKE:
FAT KID SAYS: I eat from the four major food groups: McDonald's, Dunkin' Donuts, Ihop, and Pizza Hut.
Woriginal original DANIEL L. WORONA
A CRYPTIC MESSAGE FROM DANIEL L. WORONA TO MY WEBSITE VISITORS:
YOU DON'T CARE, WHY SHOULD I?
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FAT WHEN...
You know you're fat when...
The scales don't go up to the weight you weigh.
You know the true meaning of the word plus-size.
You’re so fat that when vampires sucked your blood they got diabetes.
HEALTH HUMOR (ACTUALLY IT IS A HEALTH WARNING... BUT, WHATEVER!):
You know you're fat when...
You can't see your feet without sitting down.
If the person who named walkie talkies named everything:
Forks would be Stabby Grabby.
Knives would be Slicey Diceys.
Spoons would be Soupy Scoopies.
Microwaves would be Heatie eaties.