I GET MY EXERCISE RUNNING TO THE REFRIGERATOR.

RATIONALIZATION: I had a small slice of  apple  pie for breakfast the other day. I rationalized it contained fruit and grains and if I added a dab of ice cream, I'd have dairy. I went to the freezer.  --Jerrilyn Farmer

A HEAVY MOVIE:

Have you seen the Spy thriller about fat people?

It's called "Tomorrow Never Diets"

SOUP JOKE:

If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.

HUNGRY FOR SOME LAUGHS?

GOOD NEWS FOR THIS YEAR!

I will continue to post new DIET HUMOR, DIET JOKES and DIET PUNS randomly throughout my 24 webpages.

HAVE FUN SEARCHING FOR THEM: You will burn tons of calories looking for these newbie jokes. 

If you read all 24 DIET HUMOR webpages, YOU WILL LIVE HAPPILLY EVER LAUGHTER.

DEFINITIONS:

VEGETARIAN: Someone who is nice to meat.

MILK: The udder cola.

OVERWEIGHT: Someone who is going the wrong weigh.
--Dan Worona

Hungry for more diet humor? Please return to my DIET HUMOR website, because I will add DIET HUMOR from time to time.

1. I'M SLENDER, YOU'RE THIN, AND SHE'S SKINNY.

2. A FRIEND OF MINE IS ON A GARLIC DIET, SHE HASN'T LOST ANY WEIGHT BUT SHE HAS LOST ALL HER FRIENDS.

3. ONE SURE WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT IS TO PLACE THE BATHROOM SCALE IF FRONT OF THE REFRIGERATOR.

4. A LOT OF INDIGESTION IS CAUSED BY PEOPLE HAVING TO EAT THEIR OWN WORDS.

5. WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'I BURNT THE OATMEAL.' THAT'S COFFEE!

6. I FOUND THE PERFECT MAN: MR. COFFEE.

7. TIME TO DIET: if you WEIGHT, it will be too late!
--Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona

8. Accident victim: You have a broken jaw and casts on both of your broken arms. Look at the bright side, it's a perfect time to go on a diet.  --Daniel Worona

9. Q: Do you know why plants are not fat?
A: Because they are LIGHT EATERS. (photosynthesis)

10. Ewe's not fat, ewe's fluffy.

11. WHEN YOU'RE NOT GETTING ENOUGH NUTRITION FROM A DIET, ADD A SECOND DIET.

12. Q: What is the best way to get a youthful figure?
A: Ask a woman her age.

THE OBJECTIVE OF THIS HOBBY WEB SITE IS TO FIND A MAJOR PUBLISHER FOR MY 65-YEAR PLUS COLLECTIONOF OF UMPTEEN THOUSAND DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET JOKES, DIET PUNS, DIET WORD PLAYS, AND MUNCH, MUNCH MORE.

PUBLISHERS, AGENTS, MAGAZINES AND NEWSPAPERS:  Please e-mail me for more info.  THANX.

Why do I need a literary agent and a publisher?:

Because... I COULDN'T SELL A LIFEBOAT ON THE TITANIC, however, I am the foremost DIET HUMOR collector in the world.

My area of expertise is collecting DIET HUMOR, not publishing.

COPYRIGHT by DANIEL  L. WORONA

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

 T'WAS THE WEEK AFTER CHRISTMAS

T'was the week after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt---

I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
"Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore---
But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot
I KNEW I couldn't stick to THAT kind of diet.

I decided right then to a change of lifestyle
So back to Weight Watchers I went with a smile.

And knew that 2000 was the year I would WIN
And NEVER go back on that cycle again.

This time it's to GOAL - watch that cake, watch that beer!
I'LL END BY WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

MORE DIET HUMOUR, OBESITY HUMOUR, FAT HUMOUR and DIET AMUSEMENTS AHEAD: KEEP ON KEEPING ON.

I guarantee that this DIET HUMOR collection cannot be duplicated!!! (Have I ever lied to you before?)

Please contact me for more information if you are interested in publishing it:

E-mail me at: dworona(@ sign).yahoo.com

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

I do not have a friend in the world to help me get published, EXCEPT YOU. Please tell your friends about this DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES Wenb site. Return often, because I am constanly adding DIET HUMOR.

1. Kitchen sign: BLESS ME LORD, FOR I HAVE THINNED!

2. Diet motto: CUTTING THE FAT IS WHERE IT'S AT.

3. Definition: GOURMET: A FOOD FETISHIST.

4. GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WATCH THEIR WEIGHT.

5. OH, I JUST LOVE TO EXERCISE!
(I AM ALSO DELUSIONAL FROM WATER LOSS.)

LEASE NOTE: My FAT JOKES and SKINNY JOKES are meant to be presented in good taste on this website. This is not a "mean" DIET HUMOR website.

TO BELITTLE IS TO BE LITTLE.

You will find some "mild" FAT HUMOR, FAT JOKES, FAT PUNS and FAT QUOTES with the purpose of encouraging you to live a healthy lifestyle.  This is a "FAT FREE" website, so to speak. But you will find tons of HIGH-CALORIE DIET HUMOR diversion.

My only objective is to give you a "bellyache" from all the bellylaughs you will find on Daniel Worona's world famous DIET HUMOR website. After all these years it is still #1  on GOOGLE, YAHOO, AOL and most of the other major honest search engines.... Thanks to nice people like you.

Thank you, Daniel Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird").

KID'S DIET & DIETING AND FOOD & DRINK HUMOR:

Q: Why did the donut go to the dentist?
A: It needed a chocolate filling! 
 
Q: What food do you put in the refrigerator but it still stays hot?
A: Salsa! 
 
Q: What did the grape say when someone stepped on it?
A: Nothing, it just let out a little whine! 
 
Q: Who invented that tasty slab of meat?
A: Sir Loin! 
 
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: Because he felt crummy!
 
I have a page of CLEAN JOKES FOR KIDS (see my FAVORITE LINKS PAGE for the active link to that page).

KITCHEN SIGNS:
 
Kitchen sign: MOM'S CAFE. OPEN 24 HOURS.
 
Kitchen sign: WELCOME TO THE FUNNY FARM!
 
Kitchen sign: SAVE WATER. DON'T DO DISHES. 

LAZY DIETERS EXERCISE PROGRAM

1. Beating around the bush.
2. Jumping to conclusions.
3. Climbing the walls.
4. Swallowing my pride.
5. Passing the buck.
6. Throwing my weight around.
7. Dragging my heels.
8. Pushing my luck.
9. Jumping on the bandwagon.
10. Running around in circles.

WITTY DIET DITTIES:

1. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we may diet.

2. Everything tastes good when you're on a diet.

3. Sad fact: SQUARE MEALS MAKE ROUND PEOPLE.

4. THINK SWEET THOUGHTS,

NOT THOUGHTS OF SWEETS.

LIFE INSPIRATIONAL HUMOR:

Don't chase anyone. Do you want to walk out of my life? There's the door. Hell, I'll even hold it for you.

EXERCISE JOKE:

The only exercise I've done this month is running out of money.

BODYBUILDER JOKE:

Did you realize that Dr. Frankenstein was actually the first bodybuilder?

RUNNER JOKE:

Q: Who was the fastest runner of all time?

A: Adam. He was the first in the human race.

VEGAN PUN:

Q: Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing?

A: Just for the halibut!

ZOMBIE JOKE:

Q. Where do zombies like to go swimming?

A: The Dead Sea.

SPORTS HUMOR:

Q. Where do basketball players get their coffee?

A: At Dunkin' Donuts! 

GYM PUN:

I'll tell you a bodybuilder pun, but you'll have to weight for it.

OVERWEIGHT MAN SWIMMING  JOKE:

Q: What is a fat man’s favorite swimming stroke?

A: The blubber-fly.

WORIGINAL ORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA

GYMNASIUM JOKE:

LAZY FAT MAN: What does this machine do?

TRAINER: It's a bench.

LAZY FAT MAN: Perfect!

FUNNY WORKOUT JOKE:

I recently added squats to my daily workout by moving the beer to the bottom shelf of the refrigerator.

LAZY MAN AT THE GYM PUN:

Q: What condition do you have if you're sick of going to your workout venue?

A: Gym Nausea-m.

THE LAZY MAN'S WORKOUT JOKE:

Workout Wisecrack: Remember, your brain needs exercise, too. So, spend lots of time thinking up excuses not to work out.

THE GOOD NEWS:  If you are looking for a DIET HUMOR SAYING, DIET JOKES, DIET QUOTE, DIET PUN, or DIET WORD PLAY.  (Many are originals by yours truly.) THIS IS THE PLACE!!!!

I do not have a friend in the world to help me get published, EXCEPT YOU.Why do I need a publisher and a literary agent?: Because... I COULDN'T SELL A LIFEBOAT ON THE TITANIC, however, I am the foremost DIET HUMOR collector in the world. My area of expertise is collecting DIET HUMOR, not publishing. 

Please tell your friends about my DIET HUMOR, DIETING JOKES, FUN DIETS, DIET QUOTES, AND FUNNY DIET WORDPLAYS.

COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis"

I want to share this collection with YOU!!! A large portion of my collection has never before been published.

Daniel Worona’s LAUGH IT OFF “E-MAIL DIET”

Please COPY AND PASTE the following e-mail and pass it on to all your friends.
                                                                
To: (All your friends)
From: (Your name)
Subject: E-MAIL DIET danworona.50megs.com
Dear Friend,
Daniel Worona's amazing, fast-acting, polyunsaturated DIET HUMOR E-MAIL DIET:
 
Read half of Daniel Worona’s DIET HUMOR Web site  (danworona.50megs.com) and you will laugh off *5 pounds.
 
If you take time to enjoy the entire DIET HUMOR Web site, you will laugh off *10 pounds.
Send this message to all your friends and you will lose *5 pounds.
If you delete this message, you will instantly gain 10 pounds.
*RESULTS MAY VARY ACCORDING TO YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.

Thank you,

Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"
 
The easiest way to find  my DIET HUMOR Web site is to YAHOO or GOOGLE: DANIEL WORONA and then click on the “HOT” active links.

Thank you.

Until we eat again,
Daniel Worona "RARE BIRD" [RARA AVIS]

No one can even come close to duplicating Daniel L. Worona’s 65-year plus DIET HUMOR collection.

It is a ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!!! 

THE FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IN THE UNIVERSE.

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: If any of these diet humor sayings and/or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit.

NOTICE OF COPYRIGHT:

If you borrow from this DIET HUMOR / HUMOUR Web site, at least have the decency to give DANIEL L. WORONA his due credit.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH: I thank all the kind people out there in cyberspace who have been giving me credit when when they use material from this DIET HUMOR Web site.

Daniel Worona

WORST-CASE SCENARIO:

DIET HUMOR WEBSITE: danworona.50megs.com  

If for some reason my lifelong collection of DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES is never published, it will probably end up in a trash can. 

Do you want to enjoy my DIET HUMOR sayings collection?

You will when I am published!!!

LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

COPYRIGHT DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis"

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

This is a 65-year plus collection and compilation of umteen thousand DIET HUMOR sayings.

IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!

[Fare-thee-well, ya big gazelle.]

DIET RIOT:

I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories.

PLEASE NOTE: My YAHOO E-MAIL ADDRESS is 100% SECURE. 

The connection to the server is encrypted. 

My E-mail address is: dworona@yahoo.com       

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

MY E-MAIL ADDRESS:

Yes, I will read your e-mail and diet jokes if you include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Do not include any attachments. That is a big NO-NO!

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

RE: E-MAILING DAN WORONA.

PLEASE BE ADVISED: My website E-mail link (50MEGS server) is broken.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

If you want to contact me, YOU WILL HAVE TO TYPE MY E-MAIL ADDRESS IN MANUALLY. (or, do a COPY & PASTE)
XXXXX

HOW YOU CAN HELP ME:

PLEASE ADD A HOT (ACTIVE) LINK TO MY DIET HUMOR WEBSITE ON YOUR BLOG, WEBSITE, or SOCIAL MEDIA.

THANK YOU!

DAN WORONA

XXX

LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

COPYRIGHT Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird"). 
(Online since: June 7, 1999.)

The world's #1 DIET HUMOR Website for a quarter of a century: danworona.50megs.com.