MISC. DIET HUMOR

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FUNNY MISC DIET HUMOR

MORE THAN 333,333.33 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES: a lifelong collection of 55-plus years compiled by DANIEL WORONA "Rara Avis". Plus-plus thousand's of ORIGINAL diet humor sayings, zingers, jokes and quotes by Daniel L. Worona "RARE BIRD" 

I want to share this lifelong collection of more than 333,333.33 diet humor sayings with YOU. (Please read on to find out how.)


This has been the NUMBER ONE (#1) DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKE website in the world for nearly twenty years (20 years).



HUMOROUS EXERCISE SAYINGS:

I'M IN NO SHAPE TO EXERCISE.
COMMIT TO BE FIT.

TOUCH YOUR TOES
AND TOUCH YOUR TOES
AND WISH YOU SKIPPED THOSE OREO'S.

MY GET UP AND GO GOT UP AND WENT.

PUSHING 40 IS ENOUGH EXERCISE.

Book: HOW TO LOSE TWENTY POUNDS FAST By X. R. CISE
--Dan Worona

Book: DIET & Exercise And Leave Your Fat Behind
Bye Phatt Buttz (Get it?)

Woriginal byDaniel Worona


(PLEASE NOTE: My name is not Author Anonymous.)

("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!! Don't be a FATHEAD!!!)


EXERCISE ONE-LINERS

I GET ENOUGH EXERCISE JUST PUSHING MY LUCK.


THE ONLY EXERCISE DEVICE I EVER USE IS THE CLAPPER.


MIDDLE AGE IS WHEN THE BEST EXERCISE IS ONE OF DISCRETION.


I READ SOMEWHERE THAT SWIMMING IS GOOD EXERCISE, BUT HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A SLIM WHALE?


DOES VACUUMING COUNT AS AEROBIC EXERCISE?



 


I GET MY EXERCISE RUNNING TO THE REFRIGERATOR.



RATIONALIZATION: I had a small slice of  apple  pie for breakfast the other day. I rationalized it contained fruit and grains and if I added a dab of ice cream, I'd have dairy. I went to the freezer.  --Jerrilyn Farmer

Send me an e-mail. I´d love to hear from you. 

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.






ONE EXERCISE TO AVOID: FORK LIFTS


REFRIGERATOR MAGNETS:

FATTY FATTY
2X4
KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF THIS DOOR

IF YOU CAN READ THIS, YOU'RE TOO CLOSE TO THE REFRIGERATOR.

IF YOU DON'T WATCH YOUR FIGURE...
NO ONE ELSE WILL.

NOTHING DENTURED, NOTHING GAINED.

MY EATING PREFERENCE IS OFTEN.



 


 

DEFINITIONS:

VEGETARIAN: Someone who is nice to meat.

MILK: The udder cola.

OVERWEIGHT: Someone who is going the wrong weigh.
--Dan Worona

Hungry for more diet humor? Please return to my DIET HUMOR website, because I will add DIET HUMOR from time to time.



1. I'M SLENDER, YOU'RE THIN, AND SHE'S SKINNY.

2. A FRIEND OF MINE IS ON A GARLIC DIET, SHE HASN'T LOST ANY WEIGHT BUT SHE HAS LOST ALL HER FRIENDS.

3. ONE SURE WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT IS TO PLACE THE BATHROOM SCALE IF FRONT OF THE REFRIGERATOR.

4. A LOT OF INDIGESTION IS CAUSED BY PEOPLE HAVING TO EAT THEIR OWN WORDS.

5. WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'I BURNT THE OATMEAL.' THAT'S COFFEE!

6. I FOUND THE PERFECT MAN: MR. COFFEE.

7. TIME TO DIET: if you WEIGHT, it will be too late!
--Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona

8. Accident victim: You have a broken jaw and casts on both of your broken arms. Look at the bright side, it's a perfect time to go on a diet.  --Daniel Worona

9. Q: Do you know why plants are not fat?
A: Because they are LIGHT EATERS. (photosynthesis)

10. Ewe's not fat, ewe's fluffy.

11. WHEN YOU'RE NOT GETTING ENOUGH NUTRITION FROM A DIET, ADD A SECOND DIET.

12. Q: What is the best way to get a youthful figure?
A: Ask a woman her age.


THE OBJECTIVE OF THIS HOBBY WEB SITE IS TO FIND A MAJOR PUBLISHER FOR MY 55-YEAR PLUS COLLECTIONOF MORE THAN 333,333.33 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET JOKES, DIET PUNS, DIET WORD PLAYS, AND MUNCH, MUNCH MORE.

PUBLISHERS, AGENTS, MAGAZINES AND NEWSPAPERS:  Please e-mail me for more info.  THANX.

Why do I need a literary agent and a publisher?: Because... I COULDN'T SELL A LIFEBOAT ON THE TITANIC, however, I am the foremost DIET HUMOR collector in the world. My area of expertise is collecting DIET HUMOR, not publishing.



COPYRIGHT by DANIEL  L. WORONA

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.



 T'WAS THE WEEK AFTER CHRISTMAS

 

T'was the week after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

 

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

 

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt---

 

I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

 

So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip

 

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
"Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

 

I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

 

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

 

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore---
But isn't that what January is for?

 

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot
I KNEW I couldn't stick to THAT kind of diet.

 

I decided right then to a change of lifestyle
So back to Weight Watchers I went with a smile.

 

And knew that 2000 was the year I would WIN
And NEVER go back on that cycle again.

 

This time it's to GOAL - watch that cake, watch that beer!
I'LL END BY WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!



MORE DIET HUMOUR, OBESITY HUMOUR, FAT HUMOUR and DIET AMUSEMENTS AHEAD: KEEP ON KEEPING ON.



 

I guarantee that this DIET HUMOR collection cannot be duplicated!!! (Have I ever lied to you before?)

Please contact me for more information if you are interested in publishing it:

E-mail me at: dworona(@ sign).yahoo.com

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.



I do not have a friend in the world to help me get published, EXCEPT YOU. Please tell your friends about this DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES Wenb site. Return often, because I am constanly adding DIET HUMOR.



1. Kitchen sign: BLESS ME LORD, FOR I HAVE THINNED!

2. Diet motto: CUTTING THE FAT IS WHERE IT'S AT.

3. Definition: GOURMET: A FOOD FETISHIST.

4. GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WATCH THEIR WEIGHT.

5. OH, I JUST LOVE TO EXERCISE!
(I AM ALSO DELUSIONAL FROM WATER LOSS.)



LEASE NOTE: My FAT JOKES and SKINNY JOKES are meant to be presented in good taste on this website. This is not a "mean" DIET HUMOR website.

TO BELITTLE IS TO BE LITTLE.



You will find some "mild" FAT HUMOR, FAT JOKES, FAT PUNS and FAT QUOTES with the purpose of encouraging you to live a healthy lifestyle.  This is a "FAT FREE" website, so to speak. But you will find tons of HIGH-CALORIE DIET HUMOR diversion.

My only objective is to give you a "bellyache" from all the bellylaughs you will find on Daniel Worona's world famous DIET HUMOR website. After all these years it is still #1  on GOOGLE, YAHOO, AOL and most of the other major honest search engines.... Thanks to nice people like you.

Thank you, Daniel Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird").



KID'S DIET and FOOD related jokes.

KID'S DIET & DIETING AND FOOD & DRINK HUMOR:

Q: Why did the donut go to the dentist?
A: It needed a chocolate filling! 
 
Q: What food do you put in the refrigerator but it still stays hot?
A: Salsa! 

 
Q: What did the grape say when someone stepped on it?

A: Nothing, it just let out a little whine! 
 
Q: Who invented that tasty slab of meat?
A: Sir Loin! 

 
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: Because he felt crummy!

 
I have a page of CLEAN JOKES FOR KIDS (see my FAVORITE LINKS PAGE for the active link to that page).



KITCHEN SIGNS:
 
Kitchen sign: MOM'S CAFE. OPEN 24 HOURS.

 
Kitchen sign: WELCOME TO THE FUNNY FARM!

 
Kitchen sign: SAVE WATER. DON'T DO DISHES. 



LAZY DIETERS EXERCISE PROGRAM

1. Beating around the bush.

2. Jumping to conclusions.
3. Climbing the walls.
4. Swallowing my pride.
5. Passing the buck.
6. Throwing my weight around.
7. Dragging my heels.
8. Pushing my luck.
9. Jumping on the bandwagon.
10. Running around in circles.



1. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we may diet.
2. Everything tastes good when you're on a diet.

3. Sad fact: SQUARE MEALS MAKE ROUND PEOPLE.

4. THINK SWEET THOUGHTS,
NOT THOUGHTS OF SWEETS. 



THE GOOD NEWS:  If you are looking for a DIET HUMOR SAYING, DIET JOKES, DIET QUOTE, DIET PUN, or DIET WORD PLAY.  (Many are originals by yours truly.) THIS IS THE PLACE!!!!
I have approximately 700 samples of diet humor on this DIET HUMOR website.

THE BAD NEWS: You will not be able to enjoy the other 99.5 % (percent) of DIET HUMOR until I am properly published in book form.



I do not have a friend in the world to help me get published, EXCEPT YOU.Why do I need a publisher and a literary agent?: Because... I COULDN'T SELL A LIFEBOAT ON THE TITANIC, however, I am the foremost DIET HUMOR collector in the world. My area of expertise is collecting DIET HUMOR, not publishing. 

Please tell your friends about my DIET HUMOR, DIETING JOKES, FUN DIETS, DIET QUOTES, AND FUNNY DIET WORDPLAYS.

COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis"



This is a HOBBY DIET HUMOR WEB SITE!!!

WELCOME FRIEND.
GLAD YOU CAME.
HOPE SO MUCH,
YOU WILL FEEL THE SAME.

My only goal is to publish my  55-year plus collection of more than 333,333.33 DIET HUMOR  and DIET JOKE ditties.

I want to share this collection with YOU!!! A large portion of my collection has never before been published.


Daniel Worona’s LAUGH IT OFF “E-MAIL DIET”

Please COPY AND PASTE the following e-mail and pass it on to all your friends.
                                                                
To: (All your friends)
From: (Your name)
Subject: E-MAIL DIET danworona.50megs.com
Dear Friend,
Daniel Worona's amazing, fast-acting, polyunsaturated DIET HUMOR E-MAIL DIET:
 
Read half of Daniel Worona’s DIET HUMOR Web site  (danworona.50megs.com) and you will laugh off *5 pounds.

 
If you take time to enjoy the entire DIET HUMOR Web site, you will laugh off *10 pounds.
Send this message to all your friends and you will lose *5 pounds.
If you delete this message, you will instantly gain 10 pounds.
*RESULTS MAY VARY ACCORDING TO YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.

Thank you,

Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"
 
The easiest way to find  my DIET HUMOR Web site is to YAHOO or GOOGLE: DANIEL WORONA and then click on the “HOT” active links.



Thank you.

Until we eat again,
Daniel Worona "RARE BIRD"


No one can even come close to duplicating Daniel L. Worona’s 55-year plus DIET HUMOR collection.

It is a ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!!!



COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: If any of these diet humor sayings and/or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit.


NOTICE OF COPYRIGHT:

If you borrow from this DIET HUMOR / HUMOUR Web site, at least have the decency to give DANIEL L. WORONA his due credit.


THANK YOU VERY MUCH: I thank all the kind people out there in cyberspace who have been giving me credit when when they use material from this DIET HUMOR Web site.

Daniel Worona



WORST-CASE SCENARIO:


DIET HUMOR WEBSITE: danworona.50megs.com  

If for some reason my lifelong collection of more than 333,333.33 DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES is never published, it will probably end up in a trash can.
 


Do you want to enjoy my more than 333,333.33 DIET HUMOR sayings collection?

You will when I am published!!!


SEEKING LITERARY AGENT AND PUBLISHER: Please e-mail me if you can help. 

MY E-MAIL ADDRESS:dworona@yahoo.com

Yes, I will read your e-mail and diet jokes if you include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.



LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

COPYRIGHT 1949-2017 by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis"

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

This is a 55-year plus collection and compilation of more than 333,333.33 DIET HUMOR sayings.

IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!