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DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES

WEIGHT NO MORE!!! LAUGH IT OFF WITH DIET HUMOR. Daniel Worona

Daniel Worona’s LAUGH IT OFF DIET: A compilation of over 90,000 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES and growing. Plus-plus thousand's of ORIGINAL diet humor sayings, diet puns, diet jokes, diet limericks, diet laughter and diet quotes by Daniel L. Worona (most of which has never been published).

You are about to enjoy Daniel Worona's "LAUGH IT OFF" DIET.
(It's a funny way to lose weight.)

COPYRIGHT 1949-2008 Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" (I made up my first diet / chocolate joke when I was only 5 years old.)

(Online since: June 7, 1999.)

The world's #1 DIET HUMOR nonesuch Web site: danworona.50megs.com.
It's a SITE to see!!!
WEIGHT LOSS TIP
(from DIET HUMOR guru: Daniel Worona)
100 laughs a day is equal to 10 minutes of exercise!
How can it can get any easier than that?
IF YOU CAN READ THIS… THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY!!!
This is the #1 DIET HUMOR Web site in the world according to all the major HONEST search engines.
WELCOME TO THE FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IN THE WORLD.

(Daniel Worona's DIET HUMOR Web site is totally nonfattening, contains all the essential ingredients for a healthy laugh and always leaves you hungry for more.)

CAUTION: Do not try to devour my entire DIET HUMOR Web site in one sitting. The Surgeon General has determined that it can cause FUNSTROKE.

THE HA-HA!, HO-HO! DIET by Daniel L. Worona
Just say NO-NO to YO-YO (dieting),
and say GO-GO to HO-HO (dieting).
So, get off your YA-YA.
It is time to HA-HA

1. I KEEP TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT BUT IT KEEPS FINDING ME.

2. Whether you want to be thick or thin IS A MATTER OF TASTE!!!
--Daniel Worona.

3. THOSE WHO GET TOO BIG FOR THEIR BRITCHES, WILL BE EXPOSED IN THE END.

4. Q: WHAT MAKES THE TOWER OF PISA LEAN?
A: IT NEVER EATS.

5. THERE ARE TWO THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER EAT BEFORE BREAKFAST: (LUNCH AND DINNER).

6. RELISH TODAY. CATCHUP TOMORROW.

7. HUMOR BUTTON: CAUTION: HUNGRY DIETER, MAY BITE IF PROVOKED.

8. IT'S NOT THE MINUTES SPENT AT THE TABLE THAT PUT ON WEIGHT, IT'S THE SECONDS.

9. A DIET IS WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO TO SOME LENGTH TO CHANGE YOUR WIDTH.

10. HOLLYWOOD'S FAVORITE DIET: STARVATION.

11. Diet slogan: TAKE CHARGE, DON'T BE LARGE.
--Daniel Worona

12. BY THE TIME I'M THIN, FAT WILL BE IN.

13. DIETING IS WISHFUL SHRINKING.

14. I WAS MEANT TO BE THIN... BUT GOD SEWED ME UP WRONG.

15. HOW CAN I GO ON A DIET? THE REFRIGERATOR IS STILL FULL.

16. SKINNY PEOPLE TICK ME OFF!!! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my car keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
--SIOUXSIE Q

17. COMPLAINING ABOUT DIETING AND EXERCISE BURNS OFF EXTRA CALORIES.
--Daniel L. Worona

18. Handy dandy dieting tip: CARROT CAKE COUNTS AS A SERVING OF VEGETABLES.

19. Weight-loss tip: SHAKE YOUR SALT HABIT.

20. Daniel Worona's hungry monster anti-diet:
I'VE GOT AN EATING PROBLEM!!!
(I can't get enough!)
--Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona

21. Q: What do you call an overweight monster?
A: OBEAST.

Woriginal DIET JOKES & DIET PUNS by Daniel Worona:

1. The SUBWAY SANDWICH DIET doesn't work!
I have not eaten anything but one Subway sandwich a day for a month and I've gained twenty-two pounds! Not only that, those six-foot-long Subway sandwiches are really expensive!!!
Woriginal diet joke by Daniel L. Worona

2. Q: What do you call a person on a diet who loses twenty-five pounds in just one month?
A: A liar. --Daniel Worona

3. Diet puns: AMAZING NEW WEIGHT LOSS DISCOVERY!!!
Daniel Worona's famous PIG EAR SOUP DIET.
It is EAR-RESISTIBLE!
(Yummy! It will take you BREADTH away!)

4. I saw a poster advertising a lecture to be given by a world-famous nutritionist on EATING PROBLEMS. I said to myself: HEY, I DON'T NEED THAT. I DON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEM EATING!!
(I do it all the time.)
--Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" (version)

5. Diet and Fitness pun:
Some people trade TIT-FOR-TAT;
healthy people trade FIT-FOR-FAT.
(If you sit, you ain't fit.)
Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"

6. I GAVE UP DESSERTS!!!
(It was the worst twenty minutes of my life.)
Woriginal by Daniel Worona

7. Diet Advice by Daniel L. Worona:
When I say: Instead of YO-YO DIETING, try HO-HO DIETING. I am not talking about a steady diet of "HO-HOs and Twinkies." I am talking about HO-HO's as in HA-HA!
--Daniel L. Worona
We all know that Santa invented the "HO-HO DIET", and you should know Daniel L. Worona is the founder of the "HA-HA DIET". Thank you very much.

8. Dieters are very "NARROW-MINDED."
--Diet pun by Daniel L. Worona

9. DIET DROPOUTS are "BROAD-MINDED."
--Diet pun by Daniel L. Worona

10. Q: Why did the MIDNIGHT SNACKER gain so much weight?
A: Because he couldn’t see how much he was eating.
Diet riddle by Daniel L. Worona “Rara Avis”

11. DIET & EXERCISE JOKE
Two overweight women were walking home from work, and they began talking about their schedule of activities for the evening. "I've got an idea" said one. "Let's flip a coin. If it lands on heads, we'll go get a cheeseburger. If it lands on tails, we'll go to get a pizza. And if it lands on its side, we'll go to the gym to work out.
WORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA
OBJECTIVE: I want to publish my inimitable collection so that everyone may enjoy it.
(That means Y-O-U!!!)

I am seeking a literary agent and a major publisher who will do justice to my DIET HUMOR, DIET LAUGHS and DIET JOKES collection.

To help a publisher-challenged writer, you may e-mail him at: dworona@yahoo.com.

PLEASE E-MAIL YOUR FAVORITE DIET JOKE: dworona@yahoo.com Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

(If this e-mail link does not work for you, please use your regular e-mail service to send it.)
DIET LAUGH WORKOUT TIME:
1. DIETING IS THE PENALTY FOR LIVING BEYOND YOUR SEAMS. --Daniel L. Worona

2. STUDIES SHOW THAT MOST PEOPLE GAIN WEIGHT IN CERTAIN PLACES: LIKE BAKERIES, PIZZA PARLORS, AND ICE CREAM SHOPS.

3. WHAT ARE THE FOUR MAJOR FOOD GROUPS?
For CHOCOHOLICS: DARK CHOCOLATE, WHITE CHOCOLATE, BROWNIES and FUDGE.
For HEAVIES: FAT,SALT, SUGAR, and CAFFEINE.
For BACHELORS: FAST, FROZEN, JUNK, and SPOILED.
For DRINKERS: MALT, BARLEY, HOPS, and YEAST.

4. NEVER EAT MORE THAN YOU CAN LIFT. --MISS PIGGY.
5. Sign on the Olympic stadium in China:
STADIUM HOLDS 120,000 CHINESE, OR 80,000 AMERICANS.
6. Another Daniel Worona diet tip: Do a reality check every once in a while to make sure your goals are realistic.
T-shirt: MY REALITY CHECK BOUNCED!
7. Definition: JUNK PHOOD is unhealthy food "fortified" with pharmaceuticals.
DISCLAIMER!!! All spelling errors and grammatical errors on this DIET HUMOR Web site are intentional; otherwise they are the fault of the hosting server.
--Mr. Perfect: Daniel "U KAN'T SPEL" Worona
Excuse me, while I go polish my halo.
VEGETARIANS VEGGIE DITTY (bumper sticker):
GO VEG / VEGAN
B4 IT'S 2L8
(Translation: GO VEGETARIAN BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.)
GOT DIET JOKES TO SHARE?
E-mail: dworona@yahoo.com

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

(If this e-mail link does not work for you, please use your regular e-mail service to send it.)

This is a 50-year plus collection of more than 90,000 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET LIMERICKS, DIET JOKES, CHOCOLATE HUMOR and related diet humor subjects (too numerous to mention). It includes "tons" of original material by Daniel Worona.

A LARGE PORTION OF THIS DIET HUMOR COLLECTION HAS NEVER BEEN PUBLISHED AND/OR IS ORIGINAL MATERIAL BY DANIEL WORONA. THIS NONESUCH DIET HUMOR COLLETION WILL EVENTUALLY BE SHARED WITH YOU IN BOOK FORM.

WHEN YOU OVERINDULGE, THERE IS A “HEAVY PRICE” TO PAY.--Woriginal by Daniel Worona “Rara Avis”

MORE “BUST YOUR GUT “ DIET HUMOR AHEAD. DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU.

1. STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backwards.
2.Diets are for people who are THICK and tired of it.
3. People go to Weight Watchers to learn their LESSENS.
4. I DRIVE WAY TOO FAST TO WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL.
5. THE FAST DIET: If you are thin, don't eat fast. If you are fat, don't eat-- FAST!!!
6. The best way to lose weight is by skipping... skip the desserts... skip the snacks... skip the beer... skip the SKIPPY. --Daniel Worona (version)
7. DIET JOKE: Try my wife's new recipe for diet meatloaf... Don't worry, you won't eat much..
8. GRAVITY BRINGS ME DOWN.
9. ONE SHOULD EAT TO LIVE NOT LIVE TO EAT.
10. THOU SHALT NOT WEIGH MORE THAN THY REFRIGERATOR.
11. GOD MUST LOVE CALORIES BECAUSE HE MADE SO MANY OF THEM!
12. LIFE IS FULL OF UPS AND POUNDS.
13. HAVING A PERFECT BODY ISN'T DIFFICULT... IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
14. THE HAIGHT DIET: TO LOSE WEIGHT JUST EAT THE STUFF YOU HATE. --DR. HAIGHT (D. WORONA)
15. DIETING IS THE PENALTY FOR EXCEEDING THE FEED LIMIT.

Q: WHO KEEPS TRACK OF THE COOKIES WE EAT?
A: THE KITCHEN COUNTER.

Experience: Dan Worona "RARA AVIS" has "searched the world" for more than 50-years for diet humor, diet ditties, diet limericks, weight-loss humor, fat humor and diet slang. Daniel Worona has thousand's of original and unpublished diet humor sayings, diet cartoons, and diet word plays.

NO ONE CAN EVEN COME CLOSE TO DULICATING THIS NONESUCH DIET HUMOR COLLECTION.
This is the FATTEST and best diet humor collection in the world!!!
WARNING: When viewing this DIET HUMOR Web site, the diet police are watching you!!!
FEED LIMIT 65
(calories per hour)
Copyright 1960-2008 Daniel Lee Worona
MORE LAUGH OUT LOUD, CHOKE ON YOUR COFFEE DIET HUMOR AHEAD.

I'VE GOT THE PROBLEM LICKED.

WINNING AND THINNING with Daniel Worona's world-famous LAUGH IT OFF DIET.
SKILLS AND EDUCATION: Daniel Worona is an ethnologist, having spent over 50-years studying various cultures. He is a retired school teacher and has several degrees in computer science. He is bilingual and has spent over forty-five years collecting MEXICAN FOLKLORE HUMOR (HUMOR FOLKLORICO DE MEXICO). Actually, he is multilingual, speaking more than ten languages, but that is a long, funny story.He has published two books on MEXICAN FOLKLORE HUMOR:

1. VERSITOS CHISTOSOS DE OAXACA
Compiled by Daniel Worona "Rara Avis"
ISBN: 0-915311-00-32. 2. FOLKLORE CHISTOSO DE MEXICO
Compiled by Daniel Worona "Rara Avis"
ISBN: 0-915311-01-1.

BOO HOO HOO!: I do not have a single friend (not even a married one) in the publishing industry or the media to help me get published. Can you help me, or offer a suggestion?

WORD OF MOUTH: Please tell your friends about my 50-year plus collection of DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES. Sooner or later there will be a publisher with enough brains to figure out I have a priceless collection of DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES.

CAN YOU HELP ME FIND A MAJOR PUBLISHER OR OFFER A SUGGESTION? If so, please e-mail me.

DIET ONE-LINERS:

1.CHOCOLATE. COFFEE. MEN.
SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.

2. IF YOU HAVE NO TASTE, A LOT OF FOOD GOES TO WASTE; BUT IF YOU HAVE TOO MUCH TASTE, A LOT OF IT WILL GO TO WAIST.
--Woriginal Daniel Worona

3. Sign in a gym: GET YOUR REAR IN GEAR!

4. T-shirt: INSTANT HUMAN (just add coffee).

5. DIET IS SOMETHING THAT TAKES THE STARCH OUT OF YOU.

6. I'M ON A GRAPEFRUIT DIET. I EAT EVERYTHING BUT GRAPEFRUIT.

7. LIFE WITHOUT PIZZA IS NO LIFE AT ALL.

8. BRAIN CELLS COME AND BRAIN CELLS GO, BUT FAT CELLS LAST FOREVER.

9. I DON'T HAVE AN EATING PROBLEM.
I EAT. I GET FAT. I BUY NEW CLOTHES.
NO PROBLEMO!

10. LORD, IF I CAN'T BE SKINNY, PLEASE MAKE ALL MY FRIENDS FAT!

11. THE NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF PEOPLE FALLING OFF THEIR DIETS IS FOOD.

12. A MOMENT ON THE LIPS, FOREVER ON THE HIPS.

13. DIETING IS MIND OVER PLATTER.

14. LIFE IS UNCERTAIN. EAT DESSERT FIRST.

15. No BODY is perfect.

16. Sigh on the side of a pizza delivery truck:
THE SLICE MAN COMETH.

THE FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IN THE WORLD!!!
(I want to share it with Y-O-U!!!)

CAN YOU HELP A PUBLISHER-CHALLENGED WRITER???

If you can help me find a publisher or offer a positive suggestion, please contact me at: dworona@yahoo.com

(NOTE: If this “HOT” active e-mail link does not work for you, please use your regular e-mail service.)

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

This is DIET HUMOR. Please do not take it personally. If you do... you need to LIGHTEN UP!! (Get it?) --Daniel Worona "Rara Avis"

DIET ONE LINERS:

1. THE WORLD IS DIVIDED INTO PEOPLE WHO LIVE TO EAT AND THOSE WHO EAT TO LIVE.

2. EAT THRIVO TO STAY ALIVE-O. (IT MELTS IN YOUR MOUTH, NOT ON YOUR THIGHS.)

3. EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU SURE THIS SCALE IS IN POUNDS AND NOT IN OUNCES?

4. STOP CONGRATULATING ME. I HAVEN'T PUT MY OTHER FOOT ON THE SCALE YET. (Weight Watchers ditty.)

5. YOU CAN'T LOSE WEIGHT BY TALKING ABOUT IT. YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

6. DIET TONGUE TWISTER: A GOOD COOK COULD COOK AS MUCH COOKIES AS A GOOD COOK WHO COULD COOK COOKIES.

7. FAT IS NOT A MORAL PROBLEM. IT IS AN ORAL PROBLEM.

HEALTH JOKE:
Q: HOW DO YOU KNOW CARROTS ARE GOOD FOR YOUR EYES?
A: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A RABBIT WEARING GLASSES?

Please check out the rest of this DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES website, and you will learn THE GREATEST WEIGHT-LOSS SECRET OF ALL TIME!!!!!

On MY FAVORITES LINKS page you will find the number one diet in the world. It is not perfect, but almost. (HINT: It was developed by Uncle Sam with your tax dollars.)

AMAZING DIET DISCOVERY:
FINALLY!!! NOT ONE, NOT TWO, NOT THREE BUT FOUR DIETS THAT REALLY WORK!!!!

You will find them on my DIET HUMOR SOS page on this Web site.

1. One is called THE ITALIAN PASTA DIET.

2.The second one is called Daniel Worona's CHICKEN DINNER DIET. (You can eat all you want and lose weight!!!)

3. The third one is called Daniel Worona's FAT-FREE DIET.

4. The sensational "NEW DIET." It is the "NEW" way to lose weight.
Eat to your heart's content. No problemo.

You will find all four of these diets on my DIET HUMOR SOS page on this Web site.

I GUARANTEE THAT THEY WORK!!!

Have I ever lied to you before? Daniel L. Worona

A KILLER DIET: You will thoroughly enjoy "THE ELVIS DIET"!!! , and THE NO DIET DIET.
Can you guess what webpage they are on?

DIET QUIPS, QUOTES AND JOKES

1. LABELS: THE GOVERNMENT WILL BE REQUIRING NEW FOOD LABELS THAT ARE MORE SPECIFIC. PRODUCTS WILL NOW BE LABELED: NO FAT; LOW FAT; REDUCED FAT; AND FAT, BUT GREAT PERSONALITY.

2. I'M ON A LOW-FAT, HIGH STRESS DIET .... COFFEE AND FINGERNAILS.

3. HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE GARLIC DIET?
YOU DON'T LOSE MUCH WEIGHT, BUT FROM A DISTANCE YOUR FRIENDS THINK YOU LOOK THINNER.

4. DON'T DIG YOUR GRAVE WITH YOUR OWN KNIFE AND FORK.
- English proverb

DANIEL WORONA'S "LAUGH IT OFF" DIET: DIET HUMOR, DIET JOKES, DIET PUNS, DIET QUOTES, DIET LAUGHS, DIET LIMERICKS, DIET DITTIES and so on compiled by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis."

This is a 50-year plus collection, a large portion of which has never been published.
IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!
DONE CHANGED MY MIND: As of February 29, 2008 I will continue to add DIET HUMOR to this Web site, however, I will not be posting the "PRIMO", or "THE BEST OF THE BEST" of my more than 50-year DIET HUMOR collection. I am saving the "CREME DE LA CREME" of my DIET HUMOR collection for when my DIET HUMOR collection is published in book form.
PLEASE HELP ME!!!
.........................................................................................
PLEASE HELP ME TO FIND A PUBLISHER.

WARNING: MORE HILARIOUS CLALORIE-BURNING LAUGHS AND FALL OUT OF YOUR CHAIR DIET HUMOR AHEAD.

AND DON'T FORGET: DIETING IS NO PIECE OF CAKE!!!

(This is a 50-year plus collection and compilation, a large portion of which has never been published.
IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!)

NOTICE OF COPYRIGHT:
If you borrow from this DIET HUMOR Web site, at least have the decency to give DANIEL L. WORONA his due credit.

You may borrow up to a maximum of fifteen (15) sayings from Daniel L. Worona’s DIET HUMOR Web site for your Web site PROVIDED you attach an active link back to this Web site: (danworona.50megs.com).

WARNING: If you steal Daniel Worona's DIET HUMOR material, you will be hexed with a FAT CURSE!!!

Yes, I will read your e-mail and diet jokes if you include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

E-mail: dworona@yahoo.com

If this active ¨HOT" link does not work for you, please use your regular e-mail service.

Image credit of overweight man on scale: Freedomyou.com