DIET JOKES GALORE AND MORE!!!

FUNNY DIET RIOT JOKES

A large portion of this inimitable DIET HUMOR / HUMOUR collection has never been published. It includes original material by Daniel Worona (His LAUGH IT OFF DIET, HA-HA DIET and TRY-ANGLE DIET are just a few of his many diet humor diets).

I want to share this lifelong collection of oodles and oodles of diet humor sayings and diet jokes with YOU.
(Please read on to find out how.)

DIET HUMOR AND WELLNESS EXPERT DANIEL L. WORONA 

Experience: Dan Worona "RARA AVIS" ("Rare Bird") is a diet guru and fitness expert. He is a retired physical education teacher. His parents were both "health nuts" and taught him well... wellness.

I will add DIET HUMOR, DIET JOKES, OBESITY HUMOUR, WEIGHT LOSS HUMOR, and FAT HUMOUR from time to time.

SO PLEASE VISIT OFTEN. 

THIS IS A HODGEPODGE PAGE. IT IS NOT ORGANIZED BY SUBJECT.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THE ALICE IN WONDERLAND DIET:

I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking everything she sees with the hope that it might magically solve all her problems.

WEIGHT GAIN JOKE:

I'm allergic to many foods. Soon after eating them, I break out in fat.

DIET DROPOUT JOKE:

DIET LAMENT: “THE DIET RULES”

I know all the rules, but the rules don’t know me.

ANIMAL RIDDLES:

CHICKEN SOUP JOKE:

Q: Is chicken soup good for your health?

A: Not if you're the CHICKEN.

A MISH MASH AND SPLISH SPLASH OF THIS AND THAT TO HELP YOU LAUGH OFF THE FAT.

1. EVERYTHING COMES TO HIM WHO ORDERS HASH.

2. THE BEST THING TO PUT IN AN APPLE PIE IS YOUR TEETH.

3. DARN RIGHT I'M GOOD IN THE KITCHEN. I CAN EAT FOR HOURS.

4. CHOCOLATE: A CANDY THAT GOES BETWEEN THE LIPS AND LANDS ON THE HIPS.

5.  DIET RIDDLE:Q: HOW DO YOU DIVIDE 7 POTATOES AMONG FOUR PEOPLE?
A: YOU MASH THEM.

6. THE FIRST THING DIETERS LOSE IS A SENSE OF HUMOR.

7. BOOST THE ECONOMY. QUIT DIETING AND BUY LARGER CLOTHES.

8. WAKE ME UP WHEN I AM A SIZE 6.  

9. IS RED MEAT BAD FOR YOU?

THAT'S A VERY MEATY QUESTION AND I WILL GIVE IT A VERY MEATY ANSWER: BALONEY! (GREEN MEAT IS BAD FOR YOU.)  --Daniel Worona

10. Weight loss advice by Daniel Worona:
WALKING IS A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

11.THE OLDER YOU GET, THE BETTER YOU GET.
(UNLESS YOUR ARE A BANANA.)

12. Joke song title: DOES YOUR PESTO LOSE ITS ZESTO IN THE COOLERATOR OVER NIGHT?

13. A FAT WISH: HEAVEN IS A PLACE WHERE YOU CAN EAT AND EAT AND NOT GET FAT.
--Daniel Worona's fat fantasy "Great Googly Moogly!"

I have compiled umpteen thousand DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES (much of it original material by yours truly). This is a 65-year plus collection compiled by Daniel Worona "Rara Avis." Please copy this Web site address down so you will remember it: DANWORONA.50MEGS.COM (All lower case, please.)

DIET HUMOR ONE-LINERS:
1. Here is a GRATE PUN by Daniel Worona: BARBECUING IS GRATE FUN!

2. YOU KNOW YOU ARE DIETING WHEN POSTAGE STAMPS TASTE GOOD.

3. Joke exercise book: I'LL WHIP YOU INTO SHAPE!By S&M

4. Sign in a toy store.
DON'T FEED THE ANIMALS.
THEY ARE ALREADY STUFFED.

5. IF EVERYTHING THAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN, WHEN AM I GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT?
--Daniel Worona

6. YOU'RE SO PLUMP THAT WHEN YOU WENT TO THE ZOO, THE HIPPOS GOT JEALOUS.

CLEAN JOKES FOR KIDS:

1. CANDY JOKE FOR KIDS:
Q: WHAT COUNTRY DID CANDY COME FROM?
A: SWEETEN.

2. CHOCOLATE JOKE FOR KIDS:
Q: WHY DID THE COW EAT A CHOCOLATE BAR?
A: BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO MAKE CHOCOLATE MILK.

DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET JOKES, DIET RIDDLES, DIET PUNS, SKINNY JOKES, EXERCISE AND FITNESS HUMOR and original DIET HUMOR: a 65-year plus collection compiled by Daniel Worona "Rara Avis."

MORE CHOKE ON YOUR TWINKIE DIET HUMOR AHEAD, PLEASE CONTINUE.

Please copy this Web site down so you will remember it: DANWORONA.50MEGS.COM (All lower case, please.)
(And please tell your friends about my DIET HUMOR Web site. Think of all the calories you will burn up by telling your friends.) 

OVERWEIGHT ONE LINER: 

SHE WILL NEVER TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY UNLESS SHE TAKES A LOT OF HER BREADTH AWAY.

WORIGINAL by DANIEL WORONA

NEW YORK NEWS FLASH: THE ITALIAN DELI WAS MOBBED.

ANOTHER RANDOM TUTTI FRUITY PUN:

FRUIT PUN:

What’s a fruit’s favorite pick up line?

This may sound bananas, but I find you appealing!

A RANDY DANDY PUN:

NUTTY PUN:

How do you make a walnut laugh?

Crack it up!

NEWBIE COFFEE PUN:

I've given up drinking coffee.

It was giving me a latte problems.

LIFE PUN:

If life throws you melons...

You might be dyslexic.

RANDOM POTATO PUN:

What do you call a lazy spud?

A couch potato.

Some "LITE"/LIGHT LAUGHTER: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. (Jest kidding.)

1. ANGELS CAN FLY BECAUSE THEY TAKE THEMSELVES LIGHTLY.

2. WORDPLAY by Daniel Worona:
THINKING... THIN KING.

3. WORDPLAY: VEGETARIANS TASTE BETTER. 

DIET PRAYER 

Lord, my soul is ripped with riot
incited by my wicked diet.

"We Are What We Eat," said a wise old man!
Lord, if that's true, I'm a garbage can.
To rise on Judgment Day, it's plain!
With my present weight, I'll need a crane.

So grant me strength, that I may not fall
into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,
that my soul may be poly unsaturated

And show me the light, that I may bear witness
to the President's Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleo margarine I'll never mutter,
for the road to Hell is spread with butter.

And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;
and Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone;
the Devil is in each slice of baloney,

Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
and Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice
Cut it thin and toast it twice.

I beg upon my dimpled knees,
deliver me from jujube's.
And when my days of trial are done,
and my war with malted milk is won,
Let me stand with Heavenly throng,
In a shining robe -- size 30 long.
I can do it Lord, if you'll show to me,
the virtues of lettuce and celery.

Teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
And of pasta a la Milanese
and crisp-fried chicken from the South.
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth.

Amen

SIZE-POSITIVE HUMOR SLOGANS:

1. SCALES ARE FOR FISH, NOT PEOPLE.

2. DO IT ANYWEIGH.

3. BORN TO BE WIDE.

HoW To KeEp A HeALthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOPLe iNsAnE:

Q: HoW dO yOu GeT a CoUch PotaTo tO dO SiT-uPs?
A: TapE tHe rEMotE cONtroL tO hIs aNkLeS.
--DaNieL L. WoROnA

INDD: INTERNATIONAL NO DIET DAY (MAY 6th)

SIZE-POSITIVE HUMOR SLOGANS:

1. SCALES ARE FOR FISH, NOT PEOPLE.

2. DO IT ANYWEIGH.

3. BORN TO BE WIDE.

GOLF JOKES:

A GOLFER'S DIET: Live on greens as much as possible.

FUNNY GOLF QUOTES:

"If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they’d starve to death."

- Sam Snead

GOLF EXERCISE HUMOR (An overweight golfer):

His doctor told him to play 36 holes a day, so he went out and bought a harmonica.

LAUGH IT OFF DIET, HA-HA DIET, and HA-HA!/HO-HO! DIET 
COPYRIGHT by Daniel L. Worona

We all know that Santa invented the "HO-HO DIET", and you should know Daniel L. Worona is the founder of the "HA-HA DIET". Thank you very much.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

MY GUARANTEE: NO ONE IN THE WORLD CAN COME EVEN CLOSE TO DUPLICATING MY DIET HUMOR COLLECTION!!!

IT CONTAINS OODLES AND OODLES OF DIET HUMOR SAYINGS AND DIET JOKES. NO ONE, MYSELF INCLUDED, CAN MATCH IT! IF I HAD TO START FROM SCRATCH TOMORROW, I COULD NOT DUPLICATE THIS INIMITABLE COLLETION. THIS COLLECTION INCLUDES THOUSAND'S OF ORIGINAL DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, FUNNY DIET WORD PLAYS,  AND  HILARIOUS DIET JOKES BY DANIEL WORONA. (Not to mention his humongous FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR collection.)

Daniel Worona’s LAUGH IT OFF DIET: A compilation of mucho many DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES and growing fatter every day. COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. 

PLEASE NOTE:

NINETY-NINE POINT FIVE PERCENT (99.5%) OF DANIEL L. WORONA’S DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IS NOT FOUND ON THE INTERNET!!!

No one can even come close to duplicating Daniel L. Worona’s 65-year plus DIET HUMOR collection. It is a ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!!!

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: If any of these diet humor sayings and/or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit.

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

WORST-CASE SCENARIO:

DIET HUMOR WEBSITE: danworona.50megs.com  

If for some reason my lifelong collection of  DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES is never published, it will probably end up in a trash can. 

Who loses?  Not me!   YOU DO!!! BIG-TIME!!!

Why?  Because I have had a ton of fun and a ton of laughs collecting it.

Would you like to enjoy my DIET HUMOR sayings collection?

You will when I am published!!!

[Gonna scat, kitty cat]

WORDPLAY JOKE:

Tom Swiftie: "Words fail me," Tom said as he flunked the spelling test.

THIS IS A HOBBY DIET HUMOR WEBSITE.

YOU ARE SAFE. I AM NOT SELLING ANYTHING.

My E-mail address is: dworona@yahoo.com        

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me.

PLEASE NOTE: My YAHOO E-MAIL ADDRESS is 100% SECURE.

The connection to the YAHOO server is encrypted.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

COPYRIGHT DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis"

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

ONLINE SINCE THE 1990s.

RE: E-MAILING DAN WORONA.

PLEASE BE ADVISED: My website E-mail link (50MEGS server) is broken.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

If you want to contact me, YOU WILL HAVE TO TYPE MY E-MAIL ADDRESS IN MANUALLY. (or do a COPY & PASTE)

My E-mail address is: “dworona@yahoo.com” without the quotes.