YOU'RE #1! JOKES, YOU'RE #1! HUMOR, and YOU'R #1! PUNS

YOU’RE #1! By Daniel Worona

YOU’RE #1!

WHOOPS! I'm sorry, I forgot to include the two most important words of my favorite motto:

"after me, YOU’RE #1!"

Daniel L. Worona wisecrack.

I KNOW! I KNOW! I read your mind: “This dummy college graduate forgot to capitalize the first letter of his motto.”

WRONG! I am a RULE BREAKER! (I know what I’m doing.)

I am a really smart guy. If you don’t believe me, just ask me.

I am a well-read person.

(I don’t have time to make all the mistakes myself, so I try to learn from others.)

Did you know that I have a PhD in philosophy and psychiatry?*

[*From the University of Life]

According to most studies, the favorite subject for most people is… (drum roll & trumpets) TA DA!: THEMSELVES.

There Are Three Important People In This World:

ME, MYSELF AND I.

YOU INC.

You are the central character in the story of your life.

THIS IS YOUR LIFE.

(Remember that.)

I comes before U.

QUIZ TIME:

Q: Who is the most important person in the world?

A: "after me, YOU’RE #1!"

Copyright: Daniel l. Worona

If you claim copyright, you better be over 70 years old, because I have been using this wisecrack since I was a kid.

I want to share all my DIET HUMOR collection, my diet secrets, and a whole lot of humorous wisdom.

I am like the LITTLE DEUCE COUPE…

YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’VE GOT.  

(Song by the BEACH BOYS)

I have spent a lifetime collecting THE WORLD'S FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION.

I was raised by two mean and old-fashioned parents. They spanked my butt when I misbehaved. They believed in DISCIPLINE. 

They taught me well. They were both “health-nuts”, so they taught me well… well-ness.

They were loving parents.

I am in my mid-seventies and I am ALIVE AND KICKIN’.

I am a retired physical education teacher. I was a good athlete, but not a great athlete.

I am a unique person.

I played little league baseball for two years. We won the championship both years. We kicked butt.

Betcha never heard of a person hitting a home run and making an out? THAT’S ME!
I hit a home run, ran the bases, and as I headed to the dugout, I was called OUT!

The umpire claimed I did not touch the home plate.
(BIG FAT LIAR! I suspect he was the father of one of the boys on the opposing team.)

In high school I was a good shot putter, but not a great one.
The top ten went to the county championships. I was number ten.

I played football in high school. I was a good player, but not a great player. In my senior year, we won the county championship in the large school division.

In college I worked at a gym as a fitnness instructor and personal trainer.

They didn't call me DAN DAN THE MUSCLE MAN for nothing.

TWO DAYS IN THE VALLEY (A great movie!)

I relate to DOSMO, who did okay, but he was a powerless nobody.

Near the end of the movie, the psycho killer shoots Dosmo in the back. Dosmo was lying on the ground, pretending to be dead. When the psycho killer approached, Dosmo rolled over and shot his 38-revolver six times at point blank range at the killer. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. Unfortunately, his gun was empty.

The psycho killer while standing over Dosmo with a gun, rips open Dosmo's shirt and see's that Dosmo is wearing a bullet-proof vest. The psycho killer lets out a maniacal laugh and he says, "Dosmo, that was clever. It ALMOST worked; but Dosmo, that’s the story of your life, almost, but not quite.”

Well, that’s the story of my life: ALMOST, BUT NOT QUITE.

I have had the number one DIET HUMOR WEBSITE for nearly twenty years. For twenty years I have been trying to find a publisher.
(*violins playing softy in the background.) I've have had zero luck.

C'est la vie!

No one seems to care. (YOU lose, not me.)

WHATEVER!

WOULDA, COULDA, SHOULDA.

I'm The Little Deuce Coupe:

YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’VE GOT!!!

(HINT, HINT: I have the largest and best DIET HUMOR collection in the world. THAT AIN'T NO JOKE!)

PUBLISHER WANTED:

I want to share my 65-year plus DIET HUMOR collection with YOU!

You can contact me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

YOU SAY.. I SAY...       [JOKE FORMAT]

YOU SAY: You call the above story whining and begging.

I SAY: I call it MARKETING!

I FOOLED YOU! I FOOLED YOU!

I tricked you into reading my RESUME. HA! HA! HA!

You would not have read it if I called it a RESUME.

CREATED: February 14, 2018 with a whole lotta love.

I would like to hear from you.

PLEASE NOTE: MY YAHOO E-MAIL ADDRESS is 100% SECURE.

The connection to the server is encrypted.

YOU ARE SAFE, MY FRIEND:

I am not selling anything. This is a hobby website.

Daniel L. Worona “Rara Avis” (Rare Bird”)

YOU MAY CONTACT ME AT:

E-MAIL: You may contact me at: dworona@yahoo.com

Yahoo e-mail is a 100% secure website.

This is a hobby website. I am not selling anything.

ALL QUESTIONS ANSWERED.

ALL ANSWERS QUESTIONED.

THIS WEBPAGE WAS CREATED WITH A WHOLE LOTTA LOVE: VALENTINES DAY FEBRUARY 14, 2018.

"after me, YOU'RE #1!"

PLEASE NOTE: "after me, YOU'RE #1!" is the Copyright of Daniel L. Worona.

If you use it, give Daniel L. Worona credit.

If you claim copyright, you better be over 70 years old, because I have been using this wisecrack since I was a kid.