FUNNY DIET JOKES

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FUNNY DIET JOKES: A 65-YEAR PLUS COLLECTION BY DANIEL L. WORONA.

WELCOME TO THE WORLD’S FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION

It is a lifelong collection of more than 65 years. I have collected thousands and thousands of diet jokes and other humor related to dieting, weight loss, food and fitness. I am a former physical education teacher and I know whereof what I speak.

A PEERLESS DIET HUMOR COLLECTION compiled by DANIEL L. WORONA

(PEERLESS: without equal; unrivaled.)



NUMBER ONE, SECOND TO NONE!

Celebrating 20 consecutive years as the #1 DIET HUMOR website.

Thank you,

Diet coach and diet humorist: Daniel L. Worona



Daniel Worona’s LAUGH IT OFF DIET: IT WORKS!

PLEASE BE ADVISED: Only smart, good-looking people will enjoy this DIET HUMOR, DIET JOKES and CHOCOLATE HUMOR website.

YOU ARE HERE! So that means YOU ARE SMART!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

MORE GOOD NEWS: After you have laughed off thousands and thousands of calories and laughed off 10 or 20 pounds reading my 23 webpages of DIET HUMOR and CHOCOLATE HUMOR, you’ll be GOOD-LOOKING, too.




I want to share this lifelong collection of diet humor sayings with YOU. 

(Please read on to find out how.)



REMEMBER: Before beginning any diet or exercise program, check with your doctor -- to make sure your heart can take the shock of the price of exercise equipment.



FUNNY WEIGHT WATCHERS MAGIC:

HOW TO BE 20% LIGHTER (INSTANTLY): 

Introducing: L I T E!
The new, LIGHT "weigh" to spell "light!" With 20% fewer letters!

DIET JOKES
I don't exercise at all. If God had wanted me to touch my toes,
He would have put them up higher on my body.
The Garlic Diet:
You don't lose weight, you just look thinner from a distance.
DIET EXCUSES:
1. The donut was calling my name.

2. It was my birthday, so I had to eat the whole cake.

3. I had to get the bitter taste out of my mouth from eating the so-called diet food, so I ate a candy bar.

GOOD NEWS / BAD NEWS JOKES:GOOD NEWS: BACON IS FOUND TO BE GOOD FOR YOU.

BAD NEWS: ONLY IF IT IS BOILED.

1. DIET PILLS"I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient, who tipped the scales at about three hundred pounds. "I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time...."

2. YOU KNOW IT’S TIME TO DIET AND EXERCISE WHEN......

You try to do a few push ups and discover that certain body parts refuse to leave the floor.
...

You get winded just saying the words "ten-kilometer run."

You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.

Your driver's license says, "Picture continued."

DIET AND WEIGHT LOSS JOKES

1. DIET JOKE:

Q: Are you an optomist or a pessimist?

A: Neither. I am a GASTRONIMIST! I see life as a really great source of things to eat.  
--Ann Chovy: THE GASTRONOMIC COMIC.

2. DIET LAUGH: THE GREATEST WEIGHT-LOSS SECRET OF ALL-TIME: THERE IS A NEW DIET THAT WILL FINALLY HELP MILLIONS OF AMERICANS TO LOSE WEIGHT: THE HIGH PRICE OF FOOD.
3. DIET JOKEROO: DOCTORS SAY THAT IF YOU EAT SLOWLY YOU EAT LESS. (You certainly will if you are a member of a large family.)

4. HUMOROUS JOKE Q: WHY ARE YOU EATING SO FAST?
A: I WANT TO EAT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE BEFORE I LOSE MY APPETITE. 

5. GRAVITY BRINGS ME DOWN.

6. DIET RIDDLE: Q: WHAT DO YOU CALL A MAN WHO ABANDONED HIS STRICT DIET?

A: DESSERTER!

7. DIET JOKE: My favorite diet is the ZONE DELIVERY. This is where people get three special ZONE meals delivered a day. It actually works. And I'll tell you why: It's expensive! After a couple of weeks, you're so poor that you can't afford to eat anything. --Cedric

8. DIET RIDDLE: Q: What is the difference betwee a hungry man and a glutton?
A: One longs to eat and the other eats too long.

9. DIET POLICE: How's your new diet coming along?
Hoss: Not so good. I'm sneaking too many snacks between meals.
DIET POLICE: Have you gained weight?
Hoss: No, but I spent so much time last night poking my head in the refrigerator, my nose got frostbite.

10. WHAT'S GNU? Did you hear about the herd of fat gnus who started a diet club newspaper called: THE DIET GNUS? (You're suppose to laugh.)*This DIET JOKE is even worse if you read it out loud.--Original DIET JOKE by Daniel Worona "Rare Bird"

11. DIET JOKE: THE LIGHT EATER DIET GURU: Did you say you're a light eater? You must weigh over 300 pounds!
OVERWEIGHT MAN: That's right. As soon as it's light, I start eating.

12. Wife to her overweight husband: Last night there were two pieces of cake in this pantry and now ther is only one. How do you explain that?
Husband: I guess it was so dark that I didn't see the other piece.

13. DIETING JOKE: Did you hear about the gourmet who avoids unfashionable restaurants because he doesn't want to gain weight in the wrong places?

14. Q: What do you call a fake noodle?A: AN IMPASTA.

15. Some JOKER from JOKESVILLE sent this:

THE BAD NEWS: Most kid's breakfast cereals have over fifty percent of their calories as sugar.

THE GOOD NEWS: The box is high in fiber.

Eat the box and throw away the cereal.
 
--D. Worona  jokingly suggestion.

16. MY LOW-FAT DIET MUST BE WORKING. THE FAT HANGS LOWER EVERYDAY!

17. Two Ton Charlie has very little success with his dieting efforts. The only time his weight goes down is when he goes down in an elevator.
(Just funning, folks!)
 
Woriginal dieting joke
by Daniel Worona "Rara Avis"

18. Q: WHAT IS WORST THAN A TONGUE TWISTER?
A: A TONGUE TWISTER WHILE CHEWING BUBBLE GUM.TRY THIS ONE: DOUBLE BUBBLE GUM, BUBBLES DOUBLE.

19. The name of a mayonaise brand in Guatemala: ANA BELLY.

20. OBESITY: THE PROBLEM ISN'T PEOPLE EATING TOO MUCH, BUT RATHER PEOPLE NOT BURNING OFF ENOUGH CALORIES.
--Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona

21. Wordplay: OBESITY IS AN EVER-EXPANDING PROBLEM.
 
-Woriginal by Daniel Worona

22. Q: HOW CAN I BURN CALORIES FASTER?
 
A: BICYCLE 20 MPH INSTEAD OF 10 MPH. HA HA!
--Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"
 
("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!!)

YOU KNOW IT'S TIME TO DIET WHEN...

You are diagnosed with the flesh-eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.

You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.

Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."

You could sell shade.


FUNNY DIET SAYINGS:

Don't go out of your weigh to please anyone but yourself.


If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner.
My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like - just don't swallow it.

Dieting is not a piece of cake.

--WORIGINAL DANIEL L. WORONA

("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!!)



DIET MUSING:

To lengthen your life, shorten your meals.


You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut.

NEWS FLASH!!!: The next miracle diet is MINERARIANISM. (Remember you heard it here first from Daniel L. Worona.)

MINERARIANS: PEOPLE WHO DO NOT EAT ANY LIVING THINGS, ANIMAL OR VEGETABLE. THEY EAT ROCKS. ONLY ROCKS. THEY WASH THEM DOWN WITH WATER.Some people have “ROCKS IN THEIR HEAD”, minerarians have them in their stomach.MINERARIANS slogans: ROCK ON!!!... ROCK YOUR BODY!!!... ROCK OUT!!!... LET'S ROCK!!!MINERARIANS ROCK!!!

--Woriginal by "NO-STONE-UNTURNED" DANIEL L. WORONA



"Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Website, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!!
 
THANK YOU!
***************************************************************************

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

PLEASE NOTE: My YAHOO E-MAIL ADDRESS is 100% SECURE.

The connection to the server is encrypted.
***********************************
YOU ARE SAFE, MY FRIEND:

I am not selling anything. This is a hobby website.

Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"






 

LITERARY AGENT & PUBLISHER WANTED: Please e-mail me for further information.

DIET RIDDLE: WHAT DO YOU CALL AN OVERWEIGHT PREACHER WHO PLAYS SOCCER? A: THE ROLY-POLY-HOLY-GOALIE



DIETING JOKES: IT IS TIME FOR ANOTHER LAUGH WORKOUT...



1. DIETING PUN: A calorie here, a calorie there... It all adds up to WAISTED TIME.

--Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona

2. Paying a pound for macadamians is NUTS!!!  --Daniel L. Worona

3. TEE TIME (T-shirt saying): SUGAR IS KIDDIE COCAINE.

(This is the SWEET TRUTH. --Daniel Worona)

4. JEST FEST: Sign in a British bakery:

VICKIE'S BAKERY (POSITIVELY NO LOAFING)

5. FUN FARE "DIET TIP": EAT WHAT YOU WANT, BUT JUST ONE. IF YOU CAN'T STOP AFTER ONE, CALL ME, AND I'LL COME OVER AND PULL ALL YOUR TEETH OUT.

6. FETTUCCINE ALFREDO IS A HEART ATTACK ON A PLATE.

7. FOOD HUMOR JOKE: When you are lost in the woods, the most basic rule of  survival  is: NEVER LOOK LIKE FOOD.  --Yosemite park ranger.

8. LITE LAUGHTER: WHAT DO SEVEN DAYS OF DIETING DO? THEY MAKE ONE WEAK (WEEK).

9. OBESITY IS TOO BROAD OF A SUBJECT FOR ME.

--Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona 
10. IF YOU DON'T EAT HEALTHY, YOU WILL HAVE A SLIM CHANCE OF LOSING WEIGHT.



I am waiting for YOU to send me some FUNNY DIET ANECDOTES, OBESITY HUMOR, OBESITY JOKES, FAT JOKES, FAT HUMOR and LIGHT  JOKES & LAUGHS.

I CARE: I share, you share, we all share. We all LAUGH IT OFF!!! 



E-mail me (please): dworona@yahoo.com  


(Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.)

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail Daniel Worona.





 

DIET JOKE: She does weight lifting with the wrong equipment: A KNIFE AND A FORK.

DIETED LATELY? BY THE TIME I'M THIN... FAT WILL BE IN.



DIET JOKE:

DIET COACH: What’s your favorite exercise?

SUPER OVERWEIGHT MAN: Chewing.


DIET JOKE:

I wish mosquitoes sucked fat, not blood.



CALORIE JOKE:

Calories (noun)

Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.



DIET JOKE:

FAST FOOD WORKER: “Your order please.”

FAT MAN: “4  double-cheeseburgers, 18 chicken nuggets, XXL fries.

Hmmmm… And a diet coke.”



WEIGHT LOSS JOKE:

I heard Bruce Willis is trying to lose weight. Apparently, he's trying to "Diet Hard".



Have a comment or a DIET JOKE or WEIGHT LOSS JOKE to share?

Send me an Email I'd love to hear from you! Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.  Thank you.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.



WEIGHT LOSS JOKE:

Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all Bruno and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset I've lost 20 pounds in weight."

"Why don't you just leave him then ?" asked her friend.

"Oh ! Not yet." the first replied, "I like to lose at least another ten to fifteen pounds first."

FUNNY WEIGHT LOSS ONE LINER: I'M NOT OVERWEIGHT, I'M UNDERTALL.

WANTED (Please e-mail me.): FUNNY DIETS (Is there such a thing as a FUN DIET?), KID DIET JOKES , SKINNY JOKES, BIG DIET JOKES, LITTLE DIET JOKES, OBESITY JOKES and DIET LIMERICKS .



HUNGRY FOR MORE FUNNY DIET JOKES?

Please come back another day for more DIETING JOKES.


DIET JOKE:

I'M NOT OVERWEIGHT, I'M UNDERTALL.



MORE HILARIOUS DIET JOKES AHEAD. PLEASE CONTINUE.


SURPRISE BONUS: EXERCISE, FITNESS HUMOR, RUNNING JOKES, and AEROBICS JOKES AND LAUGHS.



TIME FOR ANOTHER LAUGH WORKOUT. 

EXERCISE AND FITNESS HUMOR:

1. I HAVE TO EXERCISE EARLY IN THE MORNING BEFORE MY BRAIN FIGURES OUT WHAT I AM DOING.

2. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

3. THE ONLY EXERCISE I GET IS JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS.

A RUNNING JOKE: 
 
Two guys are out in the woods hiking.

All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.

The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.

The second guy says, "What are you doing? He says, "I figure when the bear gets too close, we'll have to jump down and make a run for it." The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear..."

The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you!


YOU MIGHT BE A CROSS COUNTRY RUNNER IF YOUR TEAM NICKNAME IS: RUN FOR FUN.

YOU MIGHT BE A CROSS COUNTRY RUNNER IF YOUR DESSERT IS BRUSSEL SPROUTS.

RUNNING ADVICE FOR THE OVERWEIGHT: START SLOW, THEN TAPER OFF.

RUNNING IS A FOUR WEATHER SPORT.


AEROBICS HUMOR & JOKES:

Q. Why did the aerobics instructor cross the road?
A. Someone on the other side could still walk.

Q. What do aerobics instructors and people who make bacon have in common?
A. They both tear hams into shreds.

Q. How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four!...Three!...Two!...One!

Q. An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics instructor all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground first?
A. It doesn't matter - none of them exist.

Q. What do you call an aerobics instructor who doesn't cause pain and agony?
A. Unemployed.

Q. What's the difference between an aerobics instructor and a dentist?
A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.

1. DIRTY DAN'S GREASY SPOON serving from the following FOOD GROUPS: GREASE, FAT, SUGAR, and CAFFEINE.

2. YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN OKLAHOMA WHEN:
A: THE LOCALS THINK HEINZ KETCHUP IS SPICY. B: YOU REQUIRE KNEE SURGERY FROM ALL THE "HEALTHY" ACTIVITIES YOU'VE BEEN DOING.

3. OVERWEIGHT IS A HEAVY BURDEN. OBESITY IS A HEAVIER BURDEN.  --Daniel Worona
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK:

4. THE GOOD NEWS: HAVING A BAD CASE OF TRAVELERS DIARRHEA IN A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY IS A GOOD WAY TO LOSE FIVE POUNDS.
THE BAD NEWS: ...WELL, YOU KNOW THE BAD NEWS.

--Woriginal Daniel Worona

5. WORDPLAY: VEGETARIANS TASTE BETTER.

This DIET HUMOR & JOKES WEB SITE is a HOBBY Web site. My only goal is to share my DIET HUMOR SAYINGS AND DIET JOKES COLLECTION with YOU!

If you like my DIET HUMOR, DIET ONE LINERS and DIET JOKES website, I commend your good taste.
 
PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS . SPREAD THE WORD.

MORE HILARIOUS DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES AHEAD.
 
PLEASE CONTINUE.

DIET JOKES & DIET HUMOR:

1. A
KEWL DIET JOKE:
Q: HOW CAN YOU KEEP FROM GETTING A SHARP PAIN IN YOUR EYE WHEN YOU DRINK YOUR DIET DRINK?
A: TAKE THE SPOON OUT OF THE GLASS.


2. HEAVY DIET LAUGH:

PLUMP OPERA SINGER: She has a golden voice, an ear for music, and a nose for food.  --Woriginal DANIEL WORONA


3. Name of an Asian restaurant: WOK 'N ROLL.


4. BIG DAN'S BIGO BURGER slogan:


LOTS-OF-BUN.

LOTS-OF-FUN.       

--Woriginal original DANIEL WORONA


5. ONE LINER: I'M NOT FAT. I'M PLUMPISH.


6. TEE TIME (T-shirt saying): THE FOUR FOOD GROUPS: FAST, FROZEN, INSTANT, AND CHOCOLATE.


7. LEARN TO SPEAK CHINESE:

I thought you were on a diet-
Wai Yu Mun Ching?


8. A
DOG QUOTE JUST FUR YOU: IF YOUR DOG IS TOO FAT, YOU ARE NOT GETTING ENOUGH EXERCISE.

9. CHEF: ANY COOK WHO SWEARS IN FRENCH.


10. KITCHEN SIGN: MARTHA STEWART DOESN'T LIVE HERE.  (Neither does ATKINS)


11. KITCHEN SIGN: GARDENING FOREVER...HOUSEWORK NEVER. 


12: KITCHEN SIGN: GARDEN OF EATING.


YOU MIGHT BE A BAD COOK IF...
 
1. Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.
 
2. When you BBQ two of your kids hold water guns and the third has the phone with 911 on speed-dial.
 
3. Pest control companies keep pestering you, wanting to buy and patent your recipe for candy Christmas cookies.
 
4. The smoke alarm beeps if you even walk near the stove.
 
5. Your family buys Rolaids, Pepto Bismal, and Tums in bulk.


SKIDDLE DADLE DO, I GOTTA G0. 


COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: IF ANY OF THE ABOVE JOKES AND/OR IMAGES ARE IN BREACH OF COPYRIGHT, I WILL WILLINGLY REMOVE THEM AND/OR GIVE PROPER CREDIT.

A BIG THANKY,
DANIEL L. WORONA 
 
Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.
 
STICK A FORK IN ME, I'M DONE.





Q: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH A PASTRY CHEF?
A: HE DESSERTS YOU.
(Boy, doesn't that joke take the cake?)



T-shirt: VENDING MACHINE ENTHUSIAST.

FREQUENTLY UNASKED QUESTIONS (FUQ)
 
Q: What is Daniel Worona's favorite saying when asked if anyone wants seconds on dessert?

A: GET THEE BEHIND ME!

NOTE: This small collection of SKINNY HUMOR, SKINNY JOKES, UNFATTY HUMOR, BULIMIA / BULIMIC and ANOREXIC JOKES (all presented in good taste) on this DIET JOKES page.

These jokes are NOT meant to be “mean.”

1. Q: What was the centerpiece of the annual Anorexia and Bulimia Sufferers Convention?
A: A cake jumping out of a girl.

2. Q: Does Daniel Worona eat like a pig?
A. No. He suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.

3. BULIMICS: You can't have your cake and throw-it-up, too.--Daniel L. Worona

4. Q: WHAT DOES A BULIMIC HAVE FOR DESSERT?
A: TWO FINGERS.
(I only put this bulimia joke to draw attention to EATING DISORDERS, not to make fun of bulimics. If you have an EATING DISORDER, there are internet sites that will offer you help and guidance. I wish you the best of health. Daniel Worona... Still alive in 2005.)
 
4. Q: WHERE IS DANIEL WORONA'S DIET HUMOR MOTHER LODE?
A: The CORE of my DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES collection (99.5%) is NOT on the internet (World Wide Web). It will remain "buried" until it is properly published in book form.

Can YOU help me to get published, or offer a suggestion?
A BIG THANKY! Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"

E-mail:

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

Please include the words "DIET HUMOR" in the Subject line.



FAMOUS FUNNY QUOTES:
1. I THINK THEREFORE I AM.
--Famous French philosopher Rene Descartes
 
2. I EAT THEREFORE I AM (fat). 
--Famous philosopher and big eater (GOURMET, excuuuse me!) Daniel L. Worona
 
3. OBESITY IS A GROWING PROBLEM.
--Daniel L. Worona
 
4. DIETING IS A SHRINKING PROBLEM.
--Daniel L. Worona
 
5. QUOTE: IF YOUR DOG IS FAT, YOU ARE NOT GETTING ENOUGH EXERCISE.
--UNKNOWN 



INFAMOUS SNAKE OILS: "TRIED AND TRUE"

1. FAT-GO: a diet concoction to take the pounds off, of course.
 
2. WATE-ON: to put them back on again.
(Like we really need help! Dan Worona)


JOKE BOOK TITLE:

THE FRENCH CHEF by SUE FLAY


Daniel "WOR" Worona is a FINE WHINE before his TIME. (He has been collecting DIET HUMOR for more than sixty-five years:)

How can you help me get published in book form?

First: By visiting this DIET HUMOR Web site often.

Secondly... WORD OF MOUTH:

Please tell your friends about my  DIET HUMOR Web site.

KEY WORD any major search engine: "DANIEL WORONA" to get the "HOT"/active links to my humor Web sites.



DONE CHANGED MY MIND: I will continue to add DIET HUMOR to this Web site, however, I will not be posting the "PRIMO",  or "THE BEST OF THE BEST" of my more than 65-year DIET HUMOR collection.

I am saving the "CREME DE LA CREME" of my DIET HUMOR collection for when my DIET HUMOR collection is published in book form.

PLEASE HELP ME TO FIND A PUBLISHER.



DIET JOKES:

1. I'M ON A 90 DAY WONDER DIET.   THUS FAR, I'VE LOST 45 DAYS.

2. A
HAPPY DIETER

After going on a diet, a woman felt really good about herself, especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown a long time ago.
"Look! Look!" she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband. "I can wear my old jeans again!"
Her husband looked at her for a long time, then  he said, "Honey, I love you, but those are my jeans."

3. Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
AN ADIPOSE JOKE:
It is not unusual to call people after what they eat. You call the Germans Krauts and the Americans Fats.
(Have you ever heard of Fats Domino or Fats Waller?)
 

4. MT. EVEREST: The scenery will take your breath away...
AND CLIMBING MT. EVEREST WILL TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY AND YOUR BREADTH, TOO.
--Daniel L. Worona

5. WALKING ECONOMY
A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy."
His friend replies, "How's that?"
"It's like this: my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression."

 
DIET PALINDROMES: (Palindrome: A word, phrase, verse, or sentence that reads the same backward or forward.)
 
1. DOC, NOTE I DISSENT A FATNESS. I DIET ON COD.
 
2. DOC, NOTE I DISSENT. A FAST NEVER PREVENTS A FATNESS. I DIET ON COD.


WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE?

Diet guru and diet humorist Daniel L. Worona not only makes you laugh, he also makes you think!!!

1.
Daniel L. Worona advises: DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ... and only half of what you see.

2. "The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that you can never know if they are genuine."

--Abraham Lincoln

3. IF YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ, YOU BETTER NOT READ.

4. YES, INDEED! TAKE HEED WHEN YOU READ!!!

Woriginal original by Daniel L. Worona



You are enjoying Daniel Worona's LAUGH IT OFF DIET and TRY-ANGLE DIET.
COPYRIGHT by DANIEL "WOR" WORONA
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

This is a 65-year plus collection, a large portion of which has never been published.

IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!
Daniel Worona’s LAUGH IT OFF DIET: A compilation of thousands and thousands DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES and growing fatter every day.

I could have been a chef but I cooked my goose. (Wow, that's punderful!)



AN OPTIMIST LAUGHS TO FORGET.

A PESSIMIST FORGETS TO LAUGH.



NOTICE OF COPYRIGHT:
If you borrow from this DIET HUMOR Web site, at least have the decency to give DANIEL L. WORONA his due credit. You may borrow up to a maximum of fifthteen (15) sayings from Daniel L. Worona’s DIET HUMOR Web site for your Web site PROVIDED you attach an active link back to this Web site (danworona.50megs.com).

If you do not attach an active link back to Daniel Worona’s DIET HUMOR Web site, you will be considered "IN VIOLATION OF COPYRIGHT." I didn't spend 65-plus years collecting this material so you can rip me off.
 
Amen.

No one can even come close to duplicating Daniel L. Worona’s 65-year plus DIET HUMOR collection. 


My DIET HUMOR COLLECTION is growing fatter every day!!!

It is a ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!!!

COPYRIGHT Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" 
 
(Online since: June 7, 1999.)

 


COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: If any of these diet humor sayings and/or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit. 

WARNING: If you steal Daniel Worona's DIET HUMOR material, you will be hexed with a BIG FAT CURSE!!!


LEGAL NOTICE:


NOTE: Any material and/or DIET HUMOR / HUMOUR you borrow from this Web site (danworona.50megs.com) may only be used for "NON-COMMERCIAL" purposes.

 

Thank you very much,

 

Daniel l. Worona 


WORST-CASE SCENARIO:

 
DIET HUMOR WEBSITE: danworona.50megs.com
  

If for some reason my lifelong collection of DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES is never published, it will probably end up in a trash can.
 

Who loses?!  Not me! YOU DO!!! BIG-TIME!!!

Why? Because I have had a ton of fun and a ton of laughs collecting it.

Do you want to enjoy my HEAVY-DUTY DIET HUMOR COLLECTION??

You will when I am published!!!



I apoligize for the poor alignment of this page. The fault lies with the 50 MEGS server, not me.
Daniel L. Worona
 
Daniel "WOR" Worona, diet humorist, diet guru, anti-obesity activist, obesity and fitness expert, wishes you a HEALTHIER and WELL-THIER you!!!


Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

COPYRIGHT 1949-2019 by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis"

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

This is a 65-year plus collection and compilation of thousand and thousands of DIET HUMOR sayings, DIET JOKES and WEIGHT-LOSS HUMOR.  

IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!



DIET HUMOR WEBSITE:

NOTICE OF COPYRIGHT:

If you borrow from this DIET HUMOR Web site, at least have the decency to give DANIEL L. WORONA his due credit.



LEGAL NOTICE:

NOTE: Any material and/or DIET HUMOR / HUMOUR you borrow from this Web site (danworona.50megs.com) may only be used for "NON-COMMERCIAL" purposes.

Thank you very much,

Daniel L. Worona

WORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA

PLEASE NOTE: My name is NOT Author Anonymous, nor AUTHOR UNKNOWN.



Many DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET JOKES and MOTIVATIONAL DIET SAYINGS are "hidden" throughout this Web site.

MAKE SURE YOU READ THE WHOLE PAGE!!!



THE ROTATION DIET JOKE:

I'm on the rotation diet. Every time I turn around, I eat.



DIET JOKE:

CHUBBY WUBBY: I know it's 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?



THE DIET HARD DIET DIET:

I heard Bruce Willis is trying to lose weight.

Apparently, he's trying to "Diet Hard".



DIET RIDDLE:

Q: What should you never put in an ice cream sundae?

A: A Spoon.



DIET DROPOUT JOKE:

Stop telling me about your diet.

Just shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.



THE HORSE DIET:

Q: Why are most horses in good shape?

A: Because they are on a stable diet.




 

THIS IS A HOBBY DIET HUMOR WEBSITE.

YOU ARE SAFE. I AM NOT SELLING ANYTHING.

My E-mail address is: dworona@yahoo.com        

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me.

PLEASE NOTE: My YAHOO E-MAIL ADDRESS is 100% SECURE.

The connection to the YAHOO server is encrypted.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.





DID YOU KNOW?

Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people are so dumb they don't even notice when you replace a word with a musical instrument.




FREEBIE DIET JOKES FROM ALL OVER THE INTERNET:

IF IT'S FREE, IT'S FOR ME.



FREEBIE OBESITY JOKE:


[Overweight person sipping cake batter from a mug]

I’m experimenting with a raw food diet.



FREE DIET JOKE:

I wish mosquitoes sucked fat, not blood.



BEERGUT GUS DIET:

Q: What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?

A. A beer in each hand.



THE LOSER DIET:

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.



THE GARLIC DIET:

Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don’t lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!



THE FUNYUNS DIET:

My diet is going great! Are Funyuns considered a vegetable?



FREE DIET JOKE:

Wouldn’t it be so great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?



GRATIS DIET JOKE:

D.I.E.T. = Don’t Indulge Every Time



OVERWEIGHT DIETER JOKE:

I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 9 cookies.



JUNK FOOD DIET JOKE:

How do most people curb their appetite?

At the drive thru window.



DIET DROPOUT JOKE:


It took a lot of will power. But I finally gave up dieting.



NATIVE AMERICAN DIET:

Q: How did Native Americans say vegetarian?

A: “Bad hunter!”



HEY FATTIE!!!

You are fat and you need to go on a diet. I’m not going to sugarcoat it because you’ll eat that too.



 THE CHEESE DIET JOKE:

When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds.



FATTIE DIET JOKE:


Have you seen the Spy thriller about fat people? It’s called “Tomorrow Never Diets”.


THE REPETITION DIET JOKE:

Welcome to the Weight-Loss Forum. To lose one pound, double-click the mouse five million times.



THE ACCIDENTAL DIET JOKE:


They accidentally put lettuce on my IN-N-OUT burger, so I guess my diet just started.



AN OLD OLD OLDIE DIET JOKE:

I keep trying to lose weight but it keeps finding me.



FREEBIE DIET JOKE:

D.I.E.T. = Do I Eat Today?



LOW-FAT DIET JOKE:

How do you know your low fat diet is working? The fat hangs lower every day.



CALORIES DIET JOKE:

I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories.



DIET JOKE:

What do you get when you put the right amount of meat and vegetables on a scale? A balanced meal.



DIET PUN:

Did you hear about the hungry clock?

He went back four seconds.



FAT DOG JOKE:


If your dog is too fat, then you’re not getting enough exercise.



MACHO NACHO JOKE:

The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying “I ate nachos” I say “I accidentally ate nachos.”



THE SEAFOOD DIET JOKE:

Did you hear about the seafood diet? You see food and you eat it.



DIET DROPOUT AT McDONALD’S:

WORKER: “Your order please.”

DIET DROPOUT: “4 double-cheese-burgers, one dozen chicken nuggets and the XXL fries. And a diet coke.”



FREEBIE DIET JOKE:

Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to seitan!



MIDGE AT THE FRIDGE JOKE:

I have fillings in my teeth. My refrigerator magnets keep pulling me to the kitchen. That’s why I can’t lose weight.



FREEBIE DIET JOKES FROM ALL OVER THE INTERNET:

 



FREEBIE DIET JOKE:

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat.  It’s watching what other people eat.



 

DESSERT JOKE:

Q: What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?

A. A desserter.



BLUBBER MOUTH DIET JOKE:

STOP telling me about your diet. Just shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.



FREE DIET JOKE:

I tell people I’m on a low-carb diet. But in reality, I just eat pasta while lying on the floor.



OLDIE DIET JOKE:

A funny thing with a diet, the second day of a diet is always easier than the first.  By the second day you’re off it.



GOURMET JOKE:

Did you hear about the gourmet who avoids unfashionable restaurants because he doesn’t want to gain weight in the wrong places?



YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT DIET JOKE:

Don’t forget. You are what you eat….

CHUBBY LADY JOKES: I need to eat a skinny person.



CARB JOKE:

Apparently, my daily diet is known in athletic circles as “carb loading”.



DIET DROPOUT JOKE:

It is important when dieting to reward yourself and take a break. Then, when you return to your diet a decade later you’re all set to go.



BULIMIC JOKE:

Q: What does a bulimic have for dessert?

A: Two fingers.



THE BUFFET DIET:

BIG BERTHA BUFFET TIP:

Never go back for seconds… get it all the first time.



THE ATKINS DIET JOKE:

Have you seen the movie about the Atkins diet?

Dude, Where’s My Carbs?



DIET JOKE

My fitness goal is to get down to what I told the DMV I weigh.



DUMBER THAN DIRT AND PROUD OF IT DIET:

OVERWEIGHT WOMAN: Doctor, I think I’m Bipolar!

DOCTOR: Why’s That?

OVERWEIGHT WOMAN: Because I hate to get fat but I love to eat.



CAN'T WAIT TO LOSE THE WEIGHT JOKE:

My diet is taking all afternoon to work.



DIET DROPOUT JOKE:

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.



DIET DROPOUT JOKE:

It took a lot of willpower, but I finally gave up dieting.



DIET JOKE:


Hey, Lady! Want to drop 5 pounds? Let go of the purse.



THE SMOOTIE DIET JOKE:

I’m on a diet where I only eat stuff I make with my smoothie maker. Today I’ve had one banana, mango smoothie and 4 chocolate milk shakes.



DR. DoLittle DIET JOKE:

Did you hear about the Dr. DoLittle Diet? You talk to food instead of eating it.



FREE DIET JOKES FROM ALL OVER THE INTERNET:



 THE SUCKER'S DIET JOKE:

I wish mosquitoes sucked fat, not blood.



 FAT IS WHERE IT'S AT!

Why shouldn’t you worry about gaining a few extra pounds? Fat people are harder to kidnap.



HIPPIE JOKE:

JOE HIPPIE SAYS:

I just added fruit to my diet.

(IMAGE of JOE HIPPIE smoking weed out of an apple)



 THE DIET HARD JOKE:

I heard Bruce Willis is trying to lose weight. Apparently, he’s trying to “Diet Hard”.



FUNNY DIET TIP:

The most fattening thing that you can put in an ice cream sundae is the spoon.



THE THINNER DIET JOKE:

Q: Why go to the paint store when you’re on a diet?

A: You can get thinner there.






FREEBIE DIET JOKES FROM ALL OVER THE INTERNET:

FREE SHORT FUNNY DIET JOKES.

FREE FUNNY SHORT DIET JOKES.




GEE, I DID’T KNOW THAT!

Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two…alone.



FAT LADY DIET JOKE:

My snack got lost in my purse, so I guess I’m on a diet now…



MUCHO MACHO MAN DIET JOKE:

What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet?

A beer in each hand.



DUMMER THAN DUMB DIET JOKE:

Why did the diet coach send his clients to the paint store?

She heard you could get thinner there.



DIET DROPOUT JOKE:

I’ve got no problems with fresh vegetables, steamed rice, steamed broccoli, whole grain, and low-fat yogurts. Just keep them away while I’m eating.

I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 11 cookies.



CALORIES JOKE:

Definition of Calories: Tiny creatures colonizing your closet. They sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night.



FREEBIE DIET JOKE:

My wife left a note on the fridge door saying: “This isn’t working, I’m leaving.” I opened the door and the darn thing was working just fine!



SNACKS JOKE:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?



THE PASTRY DIET JOKE:

Q: Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef?

A: He’ll dessert you.



VEGETARIAN JOKE:

“Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.”




FREE DIET JOKES FROM ALL OVER THE INTERNET:



A HEEBIE JEEBIE FREEBIE DIET JOKE:

You can’t lose weight by talking about it. You need to keep your mouth shut.



INTELLIGENCE QUIZ:

Q: WHO HAS THE FATTEST AND BESTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IN THE WORLD?

A: DANIEL L. WORONA





BOO HOO HOO!      BOO HOO HOO!     BOO HOO HOO!

Singing the blues:

LONE RANGER AND TONTO WERE RIDING DOWN THE LINE.

FIXING EVERYBODY'S TROUBLES, EVERYBODY'S BUT MINE.
************************************************************

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ANYONE WHO CARES ABOUT SEEING MY ENTIRE DIET HUMOR COLLECTION PUBLISHED IN A HARDBACK BOOK:

If you are smart enough to read up to this point, maybe you are smart enough to figure out that I am saving my primo diet humor for a hardback diet humor book.

I have worked long and hard for years and years and years and years and decades and decades collecting DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES and FUNNY DIET VERSES. I am NOT complaining. I am merely stating a fact! I want recognition of my unique collection.

I am saving THE BEST OF THE BEST OF MY DIET HUMOR COLLECTION to be published in a hardback diet humor book.

I have no desire to hoard my collection, I want to share it with everyone. 

I think I deserve some recognition. Don't you agree?

I have spent over a half-century collecting DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES, not to mention thousands of original diet humor by moi, Daniel L. Worona

I have no contacts in the publishing field. CAN YOU HELP ME?

The least you can do to help me is spread the word about my DIET HUMOR WEBSITE to your friends.

IF YOU DON'T CARE... WELL, C'est la vie. [WHATEVER!]

As you wish, jellyfish.

What can I do do do? There is nothing I can do do do.

CAPICHE???

TOODLE LOO, kangaroo!

Take care, polar bear.

Gotta run, honey bun.

Thank you for your time.

Please enjoy the rest of the world's #1 DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES website.

DANIEL L. WORONA





MY E-MAIL ADDRESS:


Yes, I will read your e-mail and diet jokes if you include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread. 

Do not include any attachments. That is a big NO-NO!

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.




 DIET JOKES compiled by DAN WORONA.

I APOLOGIZE IF THESE JOKES MADE YOU HUNGRY.

DANIEL L. WORONA "RARA AVIS" (RARE BIRD)



 DANIEL L. WORONA’S DIET JOKES (will) WEAR (you) THIN.



 COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA

"Rara Avis" / "Rare Bird" (a.k.a. DaWor)

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

This is a 65-year plus collection, a large portion of which has never been published. 

IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!




A LONG DIET AND HEALTH JOKE:


HOW TO EXTEND YOUR LIFE:

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live a long life. What should I do?"

"I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?"

FAT MAN: "Oh, Half a pack a day."

DOCTOR: "Starting NOW, no more smoking." The fat man agrees.

The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?"

FAT MAN: "Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while."

DOCTOR: "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions." The man is a bit upset, but also agrees.

The doctor asks, "How do you eat?"

FAT MAN: "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff."

DOCTOR: "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese."

The fat man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?"

DOCTOR: "Do you want to live long?"

FAT MAN: "Yes."

DOCTOR: "Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet." The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do you have romantic relations?"

FAT MAN: "Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly.

DOCTOR: "As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more boogie-woogie for you. None."

The fat man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?"

The doctor replies "I have no idea, but however long you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!"




WEIGHT LOSS JOKE:

Acceptable weight: what you weigh now if you were six inches taller.


 


UNHEALTHY DAFFYNITION JOKE:

Unhealthy: what thin people call you when you are fat and fat people call you when you are thin.



DIET JOKE:

I'd have no objection to people who eat like a bird if they'd only stop that everlasting chirping about it.




IDIOM: TO EAT LIKE A BIRD.

Meaning: To eat like a bird means to eat very little or to eat very small portions only big enough for a bird; to have a very small appetite.



DIET JOKE:

"Wow, that Lean Cuisine really filled me up," said no one ever.



DIET DROPOUT PUN by DANNY BOY, OH BOY! Daniel l. Worona

The fat lady PUNTIFICATED, "I diet religiously... I PREY on SUNDAES."

 -Woriginal original by Daniel "WOR" Worona

("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!!)