NEW DIET JOKES

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PLEASE NOTE: My popular HANK WILLIAMS SR HUMOR AND JOKES can be found down yonder, way down yonder.



FUNNY NEW DIET HUMOR AND FUNNY NEW DIET JOKES JEST FOR YOU:


 FUNNY NEW DIET JOKES:

THE SECRET TO A LONGER LIFE:

LIFE IS SHORT...

RUNNING MAKES IT SEEM LONGER.



THE NEWIEST "I'M NOT FAT" JOKE:

HEY GUYS, I’M NOT FAT! JOKE:

A PLUS-SIZE GIRLS SAYS: They say that the human body is made up of nearly 80% water.

So, I’m not fat, I’m just waterlogged!



“LIFE” PUN by DANIEL WORONA

LIFE IS A DEAD END.

You end up dead.

(They don’t call me “SUNSHINE DAN” for nothin’.)

Woriginal pun by Daniel L. Worona

PLEASE NOTE: My name is NOT author anonymous, nor AUTHOR UNKNOWN.

"Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your website, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!!

Don't be a FATHEAD!!!



OBESITY DAFFYNITION by DANIEL WORONA.

Obesity is a form of slow suicide where you fork yourself to death.

WORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA

PLEASE NOTE: My name is NOT Author Anonymous, nor AUTHOR UNKNOWN.



BEST NEW DIET JOKES:

THE SALAD DIET:

THE OVERWEIGHT GIRL SAYS: I had a salad for dinner.

…potato salad.



GYM SIGN: BIRTHDAY SUITS TAILORED HERE.

Sign up today.



DIET AND HEALTH PUN by DANIEL WORONA

ILL CHOICES = ILL CONSEQUENCES.
*****
I repeat:
ILL CHOICES EQUALS ILL CONSEQUENCES.
*****
I
wish you, one and all, A “WELL-THY” LIFE.

WORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA



OBESITY JOKE OF THE WEEK:

Obesity is a growing problem.

There is TONS OF EVIDENCE.

WORIGINAL DANIEL L. WORONA


WEIGHT LOSS JOKE OF THE WEEK:

There are many proven effective ways to lose weight.

Doing nothing is NOT one of them.

WORIGINAL DANIEL L. WORONA



DIET JOKE OF THE WEEK:

THE HOMELESS FAT MAN JOKE: (DANIEL WORONA "version")

I was walking down Beverly Hills Blvd. when I saw a 400 pound and plenty homeless man sitting on a milk crate, holding a cardboard sign that read: WILL WORK FOR FOOD.

I looked at his humongous stomach and I said to him, "Damn! You must be a really good worker!"

 

WORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA

PLEASE NOTE: My name is NOT Author Anonymous, nor AUTHOR UNKNOWN.



NEW DIET JOKES NOTICE:

I will continue to add DIET HUMOR to this webpage, however, I will not be posting the "PRIMO", or "THE BEST OF THE BEST" of my more than 55-year DIET HUMOR collection.

I am saving the "CREME DE LA CREME" of my diet humor collection for when the full 333,333.33 diet humor sayings and jokes are published in book form.



WANTED: DIET, WEIGHT LOSS, FAT and / or OBESITY JOKES, HUMOR / HUMOUR, PUNS, FUNNY DIET POEMS ETC. Please e-mail me and I will share.

Send me a FUNNY DIET or WEIGHT LOSS JOKE and you will lose weight instantly.

Don't believe me? Try it!!!

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

Please include the words "DIET HUMOR" or "WEIGHT LOSS JOKE" in the Subject line, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.



NEW DIET JOKES webpage started MARCH 8, 2013.



PLEASE NOTE: All future NEW DIET JOKES will be posted below.

Come back anytime you need to laugh off a few calories.



NEW DIET JOKE ZINGER HUMDINGER:

Show me a diet doctor and I'll show you someone who lives off the fat of the land.



FUNNY OVERWEIGHT ELVIS LAUGH:

FAT ELVIS SINGS: I WANT YOU. I NEED YOU. I LOVE YOU. MORE AND MORE.

(...FOOD.)



DIET LAUGHS GALORE AND MORE:

HILARIOUS ANOREXIC PUN:

Did you hear about the woman who was so thin and frail that when she bent over to pick up a sieve, she strained her self.



A SICKO HIPPO RIDDLE:

Q: What do you call a hippo who thinks she is sick?

A: A HIPPOCHONDRIAC.



DOUBLE OVER WITH LAUGHTER:

A DIET JOKESTER PALINDROME:
(Palindromes are funny little words that read the same both forwards and backwords.)

I prefer pi.



GOOFY GRAB BAG GAGS:

A QUIRKY JERKY TURKEY JOKE (To make you groan and moan):

Q: What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?

A: The turkey!



FUNNY NEW DIET QUOTE: 

DIET FORTUNE COOKIE:

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.



ANTI JOKE:

IT'S NO JOKE! JOKE: 

ANTI-DIET JOKE:

Yo mama’s so fat...
 
She has high blood pressure and high cholesterol, with a good chance of developing diabetes and arthritis which could result in her death within the next few years of her life unless she chooses to drastically change the way she eats.



PROCRASTINATION LAFF:

Want to hear a funny quote about procrastination?

I'll tell you tomorrow.



SKINNY JEANS JOKE:

All jeans are skinny jeans if you're fat.



A TEE HEE HEE TUMMY TICKLER:

Q: Where would I be without coffee?

A: In bed.



THIN-SPIRATIONAL RUNNERS MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE:

Running away from your problems is a race you'll never win.



OBESITY HINKY PINKY:

What do you call a strong and bulky southpaw?

A: HEFTY LEFTY.



Let's have some fun and share a pun.

OVEREATERS & OBESITY PUN:

Food addition is a big problem.



THE RAQUEL CHICKEN DIET:

Every time I start to go on a diet, I chicken out.



FUNNY QUOTES, OLD SAYINGS, NEW SAYINGS AND ANECDOTES: 

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity and the optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.


FUNNY DIET TIP:

The best reducing exercise is to shake the head violently from side to side when offered a second helping.



DIET SLOGAN:

Eat to live, not live to eat.



BODY BUILDER MOTTO: 

Live to lift, lift to live!



FUNNY FAT RUNNERS QUOTE:

"I go running when I have to. Like when the ice cream truck is doing forty."



 

FUNNY DIET MIRTH:

A MIRTHFUL DIET JOKE:

Why are the first three letters of diet DIE? No wonder this diet is killing me.



HEE HAW DIET CHUCKLES:
DIET CHUCKLE #1:

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.



DIET CHUCLKLE #2:

CHINESE PROVERB:

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.



DIET YUKS AND DIET YUK YUKS:

DIET YUK #1:

The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor.



DIET YUK #2:

I've decided to make money writing dieting books.

I'm told they appeal to a very wide audience.



Please return for more belly laughs and gut busters and side-splitters.



WELCOME TO DANIEL WORONA'S DIET LAUGHLAND / LAUGHLANDIA:

DIET PALINDROME:

Desserts, I stressed!



FUNNY FIT WIT (FITNESS HUMOR):

COUCH POTATO AND FITNESS SAYING:

No matter how slow you go, you are lapping everybody on the couch.



EXTRA-BIG LAUGH  (A PHAT FAT JOKEROO):

Yo mama is so fat that even Dora can't explore her!



FUNNY DIET GRIPE:

The biggest gripe about the (you-know-who) diet program is that its monthly membership will leave your wallet crying real tears.



A DIET HALF-JOKE:

 

OVERWEIGHT GIRL: Would you buy me a Diet-Coke?

DIET GURU DANNY BOY: How about we go halves?

OVERWEIGHT GIRL: Fine.

DIET GURU DANNY BOY: Okay then, I'll get you a diet.

(Think about it , amigos.)



NU DIET JOKES:

Please send me some: NEW SILLY DIET JOKES, DIET MUSINGS, DIET HA HA HA!'s, DIET JUNKYARD JOKES and KLUNKY FUNKY DIET JOKES:



A TON OF FUN KIDS RIDDLE:

Q: What kind of keys do chubby kids like to carry?

A: Cookies.



A FUNNY DIET BOOK NEVER WRITTEN:

 

99 WAYS TO LOSE WEIGHT

by I. M. HUNGRY



A KILLER-DILLER MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN JOKE:

We women still got it, it's just not in the same place any more.



JOSHING BIG GUT SLANG:

GUTS AND GARBAGE: a very fat man who lives on junk food and has more guts than brains.



GOOFY (BLEEP) FAT LAZY DOG RIDDLE:

Q: What does a lazy fat dog chase?

A: Parked cars.



TRUE DIET CONFESSIONS:

I'm a big piggy. I have an INSATIABLE APPETITE for DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES!!! 

"ENOUGH IS NEVER ENOUGH."  ...That's my motto.

I could REALLY use your help. Send me some diet humor and diet jokes
(Yes, I'm talking to YOU!!! "Share and care.")

See you at the diet humor trough! Let's munch and crunch a bunch of diet jokes.

Daniel Worona "RARE BIRD"


A TATTY FATTY DIET DROPOUT T-SHIRT:

Legend: BOTTOMLESS PIT OF
               WANTS AND NEEDS



BELLY LAUGH by DANIEL WORONA

BOOKS THAT WERE NEVER WRITTEN:

SHAKE OFF THAT EXTRA WEIGHT

by Belle E. Danzer



THIN AND GRIN, IT AIN'T NO SIN!

FUN RULES TO LIVE BY:

"Just keep laughin'."

-BOZO THE CLOWN



ZINGERS AND STINGERS:

FUNNY DESSERT QUOTE:

Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.



A GUT-BUSTING DAFFYNITION:

SEAMSTRESS: 240 pounds in a size 6.



DIET MIRTHQUAKE:

DIETING IS GIRTH CONTROL.



FUNNY FITNESS HUMOUR:

EXERCISE! The poor man's plastic surgery.


FITNESS HUMOR: HAVE A LAUGHING FIT!

A FITNESS AND EXERCISE CHORTLE:

If you don't exercise, and eat all you want; you will probably die before your time.

But if you choose a healthy lifestyle, exercise, jog and count calories, you will merely wish you were dead.



A TREASURY OF DIET HILARITY collected by DANIEL WORONA

PLEASE RETURN FOR MORE DIET MIRTHQUAKES AND OFF BEAT DIET GUFFAWS.



A DIET CONUNDRUM:

According to Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, the definition of conundrum is as follows: a riddle whose answer is or involves a pun; a question or problem having only a conjectural answer; an intricate and difficult problem.

Send me a good one and I will post it here, you hear!



DIET WORDS OF WISDOM:

LOOK IN THE MIRROR...

THAT IS YOUR COMPETITION!



A WINGY DINGY MOTIVATIONAL DIET WITTY DITTY:

SUCCESS depends on the second letter.



PUNNY HEART SURGERY BOOK:

IRISH HEART SURGERY

by ANGIE O'PLASTY



FAT GIRL SAYS:

MY FAVORITE TYPE OF MEN IS RAMEN!!!



ANTI-OBESITY PUN:

OBESITY IS A GRAVE MISTAKE.

WORIGINAL DANIEL L. WORONA



FUNNY MARATHON SPECTATOR SIGN:

HEY, YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!



 


WANTED: FUNNY VEGETABLE JOKES.

Got any vegetable jokes?

If so, lettuce know.

FUNNY POSTURE ADVICE:

Always walk with your head held high...

Unless you're doing the limbo.



NEW DIET JOKES (from my website visitors):

THIS SPACE IS RESERVED FOR DIET JOKES SENT TO ME BY GOOD HEARTED DIETERS.



WARNING TO ALL YOU FATTIES:

If you do not send me a diet joke, you will gain twenty pounds this year.

Don' believe me? "JUST YOU WEIGHT!!!"

Diet guru: DAN DAN THE DIET HUMOR MAN (Daniel Worona).



UNDER CONSTRUCTION.

PLEASE RETURN ANOTHER DAY.



HINT HINT: I am waiting for some of you to send me some diet laughs.

WELCOME TO DANIEL WORONA'S DIET LAUGHLANDIA. 

A WORLD OF DIET HEE HAWS AWAITS YOU AND YOURS.



BACON HUMOR BUTTON:

I'd be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.



THIN-SPIRATION by DAN WORONA

 


SWINE FLU AND OBESITY JOKE:

 

FAT MAN EATING A BACON SANDWICH SAYS: Let's stop worrying about suddingly dying from eating pigs and get back to slowly dying from eating pigs.



BREAKING NEWS: Avian and swine flu mutate.

Flying pigs shot down over the White House.



TO PEE OR NOT TO PEE, THAT IS THE QUESTION.

Do you ever have to pee really bad but you don't want to get up so you just kind of torture yourself by sitting there.



FUN PUN:

When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.



A PUNNY FUNNY: DIET, EXERCISE, FITNESS, NUTRITION, and FOOD HUMOR / HUMOUR.

PUNNINESS:

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.



SILLY KIDS FOOD RIDDLES:

 

Q: What did the hungry computer eat?

A: Chips, one byte at a time.


Q: What did the cannibal order for take-out?

 

A: Pizza with everyone on it.


 Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

A: Footprints in the cheesecake.


Q: Why did the man eat at the bank?

 

A: He wanted to eat rich food.



Diet guru Daniel Worona says: I am terribly sorry if you misinterpreded my brilliant diet and food humor as not tasteful.

Go eat a chocolate covered Alka-Seltzer, with a cherry on top.




NEW DIET JOKES

FUNNY WEIGHT LOSS TEAMS:

DUMP-YOUR-RUMP.

CHOOSE TO LOSE.

DIE LARD.

SHED THE LED.



FLEXING YOUR FUNNY BONE 

LET'S ALL HAVE A LAUGHING FIT!

DANIEL WORONA'S DIET HUMOR IS PAINFULLY FUNNY

It must be the PUNCHLINES!!!



FUNNY HEALTH SLOGAN:

 STAY STRONG, LIVE LONG.


FUNNY DIET AND NUTRITION SLOGAN: Eat right and the pants won't be tight.


TICKLE YOU FUNNY BONE WITH A FEW BELLY LAUGHS:

Get rid of your ABOMINAL ABDOMINALS with Daniel Worona's World Famous DIET YUK YUKS and RAFF OF LAFF GAFFS and LAUGH IT OFF DIET.



DAY AFTER VALENTINE'S DAY JOKEROO:

FEB. 15, 2014:

FAT GIRL SAYS: Happy National Half-Price Chocolate day!


 OLD AGE JOKE:

You know you're getting older when you look in the mirror and say, "Dad?



DONUT DAFFYNITION:

DONUTS: DELICIOUS DEEP FRIED BREAKFAST CIRCLES.


FAT MAN SAYS: YOU CAN BEAT YOUR WIFE.

 

YOU CAN BEAT YOUR KIDS.

BUT YOU CAN'T BEAT A GOOD CHEESE BURGER.



MY BODY IS A TEMPLE JOKE:

FIVE DAYS A WEEK MY BODY IS A TEMPLE.

THE OTHER TWO IT'S AN AMUSEMENT PARK.



DANIEL WORONA’S LAUGH IT OFF DIET:

HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT FAST TIP:

IF
YOU MUSE, YOU LOSE.  


Woriginal Daniel L. Worona



A laugh a day, keeps the pounds away. Woriginal Daniel L. WoronaDaniel "WOR" Worona, diet humorist, diet guru, anti-obesity activist, obesity and fitness expert, wishes you a HEALTHIER and WELL-THIER you!!!



FUNNY EXERCISE JOKE:

If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise.



MIRTH TO LOSE YOUR GIRTH:

AN OKEY JOKEY OUT OF SHAPE JOKE:

You know that you’re out of shape when you can’t pull supermarket shopping carts apart.



EXERCISE YOUR BRAIN JOKE:

Don’t forget, your brain needs exercise, too. So, spend lots of time thinking up excuses for not working out.A FUNNY HA HA



PLASTIC SURGERY JOKE:


Exercise... the poor person's plastic surgery.



 THE PERFECT FITNESS JOKE FOR THE COUCH POTATO:

I prefer sit-ups to jumping jacks. At least I get to lie down after each one.



GYM JOKE:

The Gym has no confidence in me. The first machine the health club put me on was the respirator.

 



HILARIOUS OUT OF SHAPE JOKE:

You know that you’re out of shape when you can’t pull supermarket shopping carts apart.



KIDS FOOD RIDDLES:

Q: What's the best thing to put into a pie?

A: Your teeth!



Q: Waiter, this food tastes kind of funny?

A: Then why aren't you laughing!



THE WORLD'S FIRST INVISIBLE DIET JOKE

by DANIEL L. WORONA:

(If you're smart, you can probably see right through it.)



CHILDHOOD OBESITY QUIZ for MICHELLE OBAMA:

Q: If you can't get the Swine Flu from eating bacon, what can you get?

1. Obesity.

2. Heart disease.

3. Hardening of the arteries.

4. All of the above.



 

THE TWENTY-THIRD PASTRAMI

My appetite is my shepherd; I always want.
It maketh me to sit down and stuff myself.
It leadeth me to my refrigerator repeatedly.
It leadeth me in the path of Burger King for a Whopper.
It destroyeth my shape.
Yea, though I walk through the Valley Mall Food Court, I shall fear no liver, for they serveth pizza and ice cream and gyros and hotdogs and cinnamon rolls.
Though I knoweth I gaineth, I shall not stop eating, for the food tasteth so good.
The ice cream and the cookies, they comfort me.
When the table is spread before me, it exciteth me,
For I knoweth that I sooneth shall dig in.
As I filleth my plate continuously, my gut runneth over and my clothes runneth smaller.
Surely bulges and pudgies shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I shall be "pleasingly plump" forever.

Amen.

--Author Unknown



DIETER'S PSALM

My weight is my shepherd;
I shall not want low-calorie foods.
It maketh me to munch on potato chips and bean dip;
It leadeth me into 31 flavors;
It restoreth my soul food;
It leadeth me in the paths of cream puffs in bakeries.
Yea, though I waddle through the valley of weight watchers,
I will fear no skimmed milk;
For my appetite is with me;
My Hostess "Twinkies" and "Ding Dongs," they comfort me;
They anointeth my body with calories;
My scale tippeth over!
Surely chubbiness and contentment shall follow me
All the days of my life.
And I shall dwell in the house of Marie Callender pies...Forever!



DIETER'S PSALM

Strict is my diet. I must not want.
It maketh me to lie down at night hungry.
It leadeth me past the confectioners.
It trieth my willpower.
It leadeth me in the paths of alteration
for my figure's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the aisles
of the pastry department, I will buy
no sweetrolls for they are fattening.
The cakes and the pies, they tempt me.
Before me is a table set with
green beans and lettuce.
I filleth my stomach with liquids,
My day's quota runneth over.
Surely calorie and weight charts will
follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the fear of scales forever.



DIETER’S PSALM

My diet is my shepherd, I shall be in want,
It makes me jog quielty round and round green pastures,
It lead me to quietly drink water,
And jump on and off the scales,
It guides me to reist all pleasurable food
For my figure's shape.

Even though I walk through the aisels of Sainbury's
I will buy no Bovril
For you are with me:
Your measuring tape and your calorie counter
They confuse me.

You prepare a table before me
In the presence of the TellyTubbies.
You cover my lettuce with low-fat mayonnaise,
My diet coke overflows.
Surely a rumbling stomach and a feeling of irritability will be with me
All the days of my slimming plan
And I will worry about my weight forever.



THE TWENTY-THIRD CUPCAKE PSALM

The Doctor is my shepherd; I shall not weigh more.
He maketh me to lie down in green sweatpants; 
He ordereth me to do sit-ups.
He specify-eth my goal.
He sendeth me down jogging trails of endless length for my heart's sake.
Yea, though I stroll by the door of the bakeshop,
I will not enter; my sweetrolls and crumbcake I secretly buy elswhere.
I eatest my cupcakes in the presence of no one. I feast on rich Twinkies and Ding-Dongs. My cup's full of ice cream.

Surely huge hips and thunder thighs will haunt me all the days of my life,
and I will live in a body of cellulite forever.

By Ann Luna



MY BELLY HANGETH OVER  SWAN PSALM

My appetite is my Sheperd, I shall always want.
It maketh me to sit down and stuffeth myself.
It leadeth me to my coolerator.
It leadeth me to the Oven Grinder for a 2 pounder.
It destroyeth my shape.
Yeah though I knoweth I gaineth weight,
I will not stop eating for the food tastes so goodeth.
The ice cream and the cookies will comfort me.
When the table is spreadeth before me,
I ge excited for I know I shall begin.
As I fillest my plate continuously, my clothes runner smaller.
Surely bulges, rolls and excess fat shall follow me all the days of my life.
And I shall be fat forever and ever.

Amen.

-Author Unknown



THE DIETER'S 23rd PSALM

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want;
He maketh me to lie down on vinyl-covered gym mats.
He leadeth me to flavored calorie-free waters;
He restoreth my goals.
He diverteth me from the path of midnight snacking for my health's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the alley of the Vendors of Pastry, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me;
My diet and exercises, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me
Spread with veggies and low-fat protein;
Thou steameth my fish in foil,
My resolve runneth over.
Surely, if I follow this living plan all the days of my life,
My hips will be slim forever.

Amen.



THE DIETER'S 23rd PSALM

 

The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want.
He maketh me lie down and do push-ups.
He giveth me sodium free bread.
He restoreth my waistline.
He leadeth me past the refrigerator for mine own sake.
He maketh me to partake of green beans instead of potatoes.
He leadeth me past the pizzeria and doughnut shoppe.
Yea, though I walk through the bakery,
I shall not falter, for thou art with me.
Thy diet colas they comfort me.
Thou preparest a diet for me in the presence of mine enemies.
Thou anointest my lettuce with local oil.
My cup will not overflow.
Surely Ry Krisp and D-Zerta shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I will live with pains of hunger forever.

Amen.

-Author Unknown




HANK WILLIAMS

NEW DIET JOKES:

BEST OF THE WORST JOKES CATEGORY:

THE WORST DIET JOKES EVER CATEGORY:

THE WORST DIET JOKE EVER:
Gandhi used to walk everywhere barefoot, so he had massive calluses on his feet, and because of his sparse diet he was kind of frail and had very bad breath. This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.

NEW DIET JOKES

THE WORST DIET JOKES EVER CATEGORY:Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: Does this clown taste funny to you?



BONUS JOKE (JUST FOR YOU):
An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.



THE WORST FAT JOKE EVER:

(Send me your choice. Don't be a FREELOADER.)



THE WORST OVERWEIGHT JOKE EVER:

(Send me one of your choice.)



THE MIRACLE DIET:  

I eat whatever I want and pray for a miracle that I won’t gain weight.

by DANIEL WORONA


THE WORLD'S FIRST INVISIBLE DIET JOKE

by DANIEL L. WORONA:

(If you're smart, you can probably see right through it.)



FUNNY HANK WILLIAMS SR HUMOR AND FUNNY HANK WILLIAMS SR JOKES:

HANK WILLIAMS HUMOR, JOKES, WISDOM AND DOWN-HOME SAYINGS:

Besides being one of the greatest Country & Western singers and songwriters, he was quite a comedian and down-home philosopher. If you don't believe me, listen to his recitations as LUKE THE DRIFTER.



HANK WILLIAMS WORDPLAY:

DJ Cottonseed Clark asked Hank Williams why the lyrics to his songs were so sad.

Hank Williams answered, “Well, Cottonseed, I guess I always have been a sadist.”



WAS HANK WILLIAMS THE FIRST ROCK STAR?

Not many people know this but the first rocker was probably Hank Williams. He recorded the song 'Rockin’ Money' in 1949, long before we heard of Elvis.

Listen to the song and hear Hank Williams sing, “I love to rock, yeah, rock.

Baby, rock, let's rock.”

You’re welcome.



HANK WILLIAMS SR. WIT:

A HANK WILLIAMS WITTY DITTY:

WSM radio announcer: Whatcha got for us tonight, Hank?

Hank Williams: I've got a brand new song that ain't never been aired.

WSM radio announcer: It ain't never been aired?

HANK WILLAMS jokes: It might need air.



HANK WILLIAMS JOKES ABOUT HIS SONGWRITING:

Hank Williams was a lot smarter than people give him credit for. Even though he was a serious and adept song writer, that didn’t stop him from poking fun at his songwriting.

As he introduced his “NOBODY’S LONESOME FOR ME” song on one on his Mother’s Best (flour) radio shows he joked, “I had a brain concussion and I wrote this one.”



HANK WILLIAMS SR. doesn't just sing sad "heart" songs, check out his "funny-bone" and novelty songs.

HANK WILLIAMS LYRICS:

"I'll Never Get Out Of This World Alive"

Now you're lookin' at a man that's gettin' kinda mad

I had lot's of luck but it's all been bad

No matter how I struggle and strive

I'll never get out of this world alive.



“LIFE” PUN by DANIEL WORONA

LIFE IS A DEAD END.

You end up dead.

(They don’t call me “SUNSHINE DAN” for nothin’.)

Woriginal pun by Daniel L. Worona

PLEASE NOTE: My name is NOT author anonymous, nor AUTHOR UNKNOWN.

"Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your website, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!!

Don't be a FATHEAD!!!



GOOD-HEARTED HANK WILLIAMS:

At the close of one of his radio shows, Hank told his listeners, “BE GOOD TO YOURSELF.”



AN OLD PROSPECTOR’S WISDOM

An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, can you dance?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No son, I don't dance -- Never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector, not wanting to get a toe blown off, started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody standing around was laughing.

When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled 12 gauge shotgun and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air. The crowd stopped laughing immediately.

The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin 12 gauge shotgun barrels.

 The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said; "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"

 The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir -- But I've always wanted to."

 There are a few lessons for all of us here:

*Don't be arrogant.

*Don't waste ammunition.

*Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.

*Always make sure you know who is in control.

*And finally, Don't screw around with old folks -- They didn't get old by being stupid!




 


WISE WORDS OF HANK WILLIAMS:

At the end of his radio show he would say:

Remember one thing, will ya.

Don't ever worry about nothing, 'cause ain't nothing gonna be alright nohow.




JEST FOR LAUGHS:

YOU ARE NOT AS SMART AS YOU THINK!
I bet I can make a monkey out of you!

As Hank Williams use to say: Now when you get to thinking you’re really smart, there's always somebody smarter then you.

Or as my father use to say:

EVERYBODY KNOWS MORE THAN SOMEBODY,
BUT NOBODY KNOWS MORE THAN EVERYBODY.

Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?

It’s true! When was the last time you ate a monkey?

WORIGINAL ORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA “RARA AVIS”

I’m jest monkeying around.



PLEASE NOTE: My name is not Author Anonymous.

"Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your website, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!!

Don't be a FAT HEAD FATHEAD!!!



 

LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

COPYRIGHT 1949-2017 Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird").
(Online since: June 7, 1999.)

The world's #1 DIET HUMOR Web site for nearly twenty (20) years: danworona.50megs.com.