OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND.
My box of chocolates is OUT OF SIGHT, and I'm OUT OF MY MIND.
-Woriginal by Daniel Worona
("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!! Don't be a FATHEAD!!!)
Gifts: Flowers are always appropriate, though I prefer CHOCOLATES myself.
Please do not take any of the DIET HUMOR personally. If you do, then you need to LIGHTEN UP! (Get it?) --Daniel Worona
SMART PUBLISHER WANTED: Please e-mail me if interested.
Why do I need a publisher? Because I couldn't sell a lifeboat on the Titanic. Besides, if I knew what I was doing, I'D BE DANGEROUS!
Daniel Worona M.D. (Master of Disaster)
FUNNY ONE LINERS:
1. NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS BEING THIN FEELS.
2. NEWS FLASH: Worldwide obesity epidemic.
OBESITY IS A WIDENING PROBLEM.
3. Bad diet advice: DO WHAT YOU ARE GOOD AT.
LET'S SEE, I'M GOOD AT COOKING. I'M GOOD AT EATING.
4. Where do you go to get anorexia?
5. Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake. –Mrs. Anon.
6. I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.
7. More die in the United States of too much food than of too little.
–Johnny K. Galbraith
8. Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.
9. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow ye diet.
-Lewis C. Henry
10. I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me!
11. I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
12. I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days.
–Two Ton Tony
13. I'm allergic to food. Every time I eat it breaks out into fat.
-Jennifer Greene Duncan
14. Rich, fatty foods are like destiny: they too, shape our ends.
15. I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
-Attributed to Daniel L. Worona
16. A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit. –Who Cares
17. The Cardiologist's Diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. –Sr. Anon.
18. It is a hard matter, my fellow citizens, to argue with the belly, since it has no ears.
19. I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.
20. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
-The Cookie Industry
21. To lengthen your life, shorten your meals.
22. If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams.
23. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
24. I buy Hefty designer jeans, not at the Gap, at the Gorge.
25. One should eat to live, not live to eat. ~Cicero
HoW To KeEp A HeALthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOPLe iNsAnE:
Q: HoW dO yOu GeT a CoUch PotaTo tO dO SiT-uPs?
A: TapE tHe rEMotE cONtroL tO hIs aNkLeS.
--DaNieL L. WoROnA
IMAGE CREDITS AND DISCLAIMER: If any of the images or sayings on this Web site are in violation of copyright, I will remove them immediately or give the proper credit.
MY GUARANTEE: NO ONE IN THE WORLD CAN COME EVEN CLOSE TO DUPLICATING MY DIET HUMOR COLLECTION!!!
IT CONTAINS MORE THAN 333,333.33 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS AND DIET JOKES. NO ONE, MYSELF INCLUDED, CAN MATCH IT! IF I HAD TO START FROM SCRATCH TOMORROW, I COULD NOT DUPLICATE THIS INIMITABLE COLLETION.
THIS COLLECTION INCLUDES THOUSAND'S OF ORIGINAL DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, FUNNY DIET WORD PLAYS, AND DIET JOKES BY DANIEL WORONA. (Not to mention his humongousand hilarious FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR collection.)
DIET QUOTES, DIET HUMOR QUOTES compiled by DANIEL WORONA "Rara Avis."
COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA "RARE BIRD"
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
DIET HUMOR, DIET GURU AND WELLNESS EXPERT DANIEL L. WORONA
Experience: Daniel Worona "RARA AVIS" ("Rare Bird") is a diet guru and fitness expert. He is a retired physical education teacher and personal trainer (They didn't call him DAN DAN THE MUSCLE MAN for nothing). His parents were both "health nuts" and taught him well... wellness. Needless to say, he is a published author, wordsmith, linguist and diet humorist.
He is looking for a literary agent and major publisher for his collection of more than 333,333.33 DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES.
E-MAIL: Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: email@example.com.
(Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail.
INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES AND MOTIVATIONAL SAYINGS:
Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper."
Great eaters and great sleepers are incapable of anything else that is great.
Henry IV of France
FUNNY DIET MOTIVATION AND INSPIRATION SAYINGS:
People say that losing weight is no walk in the park. When I hear that I think, yeah, that's the problem.
When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away.
But first I spray them with Raid so I won’t dig them out of the garbage later.
Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn’t taste that bad.
- Janette Barber
MOTIVATIONAL DIET QUOTE:
Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.
DIET & FITNESS QUOTES:
1. Remember this: your body is your slave; it works for you.
2. The only way you get that fat off is to eat less and exercise more.
FUNNY OBESITY QUOTE:
"Obesity is a condition which proves that the Lord does not help those who help themselves and help themselves and help themselves."
Daniel L. Worona, diet humorist, diet guru, anti-obesity activist, and fitness expert, wishes you a HEALTHIER and WELL-THIER you!!!
Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
LAUGH IT OFF DIET.
IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.
COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis"
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
This is a 60-year plus collection and compilation of more than 333,333.33 DIET HUMOR sayings.
IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!