FUNNY DIET QUOTES GALORE AND MORE!!!

HILARIOUS DIET QUOTES:

I want to share this lifelong collection of thousands of diet humor sayings with YOU. 

(Please read on to find out how.)

FUNNY DIET TIPS AND QUIPS:

FUNNY MOTIVATIONAL & INSPIRATIONAL DIET QUOTES AND HILARIOUS DIET HUMOR QUOTES. 

DIET HUMOR QUOTE: I ONLY EAT THREE TIMES A DAY --MORNING, NOON, AND NIGHT.
-Woriginal original by Daniel L. Worona

DIETER: I ONLY EAT IN THREE PLACES: HERE. THERE. AND EVERYWHERE.
-Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona

("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!! Don't be a FATHEAD!!!)

THINSPIRATIONAL QUOTE:

GOOD NEWS: CHEESECAKE IS NOT FATTENING (provided you get sufficient physical exercise).
...LIKE RUNNING A MARATHON!

--Woriginal original Daniel L. Worona

("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!! Don't be a FATHEAD!!!)

If you use any quotes from my website, please give me credit.
IT'S ONLY FAIR.

I am on my way to Corsicana, Texas, Fruitcake Capital of the World. They'd better give free samples, or heads will roll.
--Earlene Fowler

(In reference to sensible eating and losing excess pounds)

HUNGRY CATS LIVE LONGER THAN FAT CATS.

OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND.

My box of chocolates is OUT OF SIGHT, and I'm OUT OF MY MIND.
-Woriginal by Daniel Worona

("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!! Don't be a FATHEAD!!!)

Gifts: Flowers are always appropriate, though I prefer CHOCOLATES myself.

Please do not take any of the DIET HUMOR personally. If you do, then you need to LIGHTEN UP! (Get it?) --Daniel Worona

SMART PUBLISHER WANTED: Please e-mail me if interested.
Why do I need a publisher? Because I couldn't sell a lifeboat on the Titanic. Besides, if I knew what I was doing, I'D BE DANGEROUS!

Daniel Worona M.D. (Master of Disaster)

FUNNY ONE LINERS: 

1. NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS BEING THIN FEELS.

2. NEWS FLASH: Worldwide obesity epidemic.

OBESITY IS A WIDENING PROBLEM.
--Daniel Worona

3. Bad diet advice: DO WHAT YOU ARE GOOD AT.
LET'S SEE, I'M GOOD AT COOKING. I'M GOOD AT EATING.
--Daniel Worona

4. Where do you go to get anorexia? 

-Shelly Winters

5. Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.  –Mrs. Anon.

6. I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge. 

-Paula Poundstone

7. More die in the United States of too much food than of too little. 

–Johnny K. Galbraith

8. Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge. 
-Don Kardong

9. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow ye diet. 

-Lewis C. Henry

10. I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me! 
Anon.

11. I never worry about diets.  The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. 

-Mae West

12. I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days. 

–Two Ton Tony

13. I'm allergic to food.  Every time I eat it breaks out into fat. 

-Jennifer Greene Duncan

14. Rich, fatty foods are like destiny:  they too, shape our ends.  

15. I'm on a seafood diet.  I see food and I eat it. 
-Attributed to Daniel L. Worona

16. A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit.  –Who Cares

17. The Cardiologist's Diet:  If it tastes good, spit it out.  –Sr. Anon.

18. It is a hard matter, my fellow citizens, to argue with the belly, since it has no ears. 

-Plutarch

19. I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu. 

-Jane Wagner

20. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 

-The Cookie Industry

21. To lengthen your life, shorten your meals. 

Proverbius Proverb

22. If you really want to be depressed, weigh yourself in grams. 
-Jason Love

23. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. 
-Anon.

24. I buy Hefty designer jeans, not at the Gap, at the Gorge.
-Billy Elmer

25. One should eat to live, not live to eat.  ~Cicero

HoW To KeEp A HeALthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOPLe iNsAnE:

Q: HoW dO yOu GeT a CoUch PotaTo tO dO SiT-uPs?
A: TapE tHe rEMotE cONtroL tO hIs aNkLeS.
--DaNieL L. WoROnA

IMAGE CREDITS AND DISCLAIMER: If any of the images or sayings on this Web site are in violation of copyright, I will remove them immediately or give the proper credit. 

MY GUARANTEE: NO ONE IN THE WORLD CAN COME EVEN CLOSE TO DUPLICATING MY DIET HUMOR COLLECTION!!!

IT CONTAINS UMPTEEN THOUSAND DIET HUMOR SAYINGS AND DIET JOKES. NO ONE, MYSELF INCLUDED, CAN MATCH IT! IF I HAD TO START FROM SCRATCH TOMORROW, I COULD NOT DUPLICATE THIS INIMITABLE COLLETION.

THIS COLLECTION INCLUDES THOUSAND'S OF ORIGINAL DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, FUNNY DIET WORD PLAYS,  AND DIET JOKES BY DANIEL WORONA. (Not to mention his humongousand hilarious FOOD AND DRINK HUMOR collection.)

DIET QUOTES, DIET HUMOR QUOTES compiled by DANIEL WORONA "Rara Avis."

COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA "RARE BIRD"
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

ONLINE SINCE THE 1990s.

DIET HUMOR, DIET GURU AND WELLNESS EXPERT DANIEL L. WORONA 

Experience: Daniel Worona "RARA AVIS" ("Rare Bird") is a diet guru and fitness expert. He is a retired physical education teacher and personal trainer (They didn't call him DAN DAN THE MUSCLE MAN for nothing). His parents were both "health nuts" and taught him well... wellness. Needless to say, he is a published author, wordsmith, linguist and diet humorist.

He is looking for a literary agent and major publisher for his collection of thousands and thousands of DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES.

E-MAIL: Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

(Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail.)

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES AND MOTIVATIONAL SAYINGS:

Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper."
Adelle Davis

Great eaters and great sleepers are incapable of anything else that is great.
Henry IV of France

FUNNY DIET MOTIVATION AND INSPIRATION SAYINGS:

People say that losing weight is no walk in the park. When I hear that I think, yeah, that's the problem.

When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away.
But first I spray them with Raid so I won’t dig them out of the garbage later.
Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn’t taste that bad.

- Janette Barber

MOTIVATIONAL DIET QUOTE:

Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.

DIET & FITNESS QUOTES:

1. Remember this: your body is your slave; it works for you.

Jack LaLanne

2. The only way you get that fat off is to eat less and exercise more.

Jack LaLanne

FUNNY OBESITY QUOTE:

"Obesity is a condition which proves that the Lord does not help those who help themselves and help themselves and help themselves."

Daniel L. Worona, diet humorist, diet guru, anti-obesity activist, and fitness expert, wishes you a HEALTHIER and WELL-THIER you!!!

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis"

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

This is a 65-year plus collection and compilation of DIET HUMOR sayings.

IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!

ONLINE SINCE THE 1990s.

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: If any of these diet humor / humour sayings and/or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit.

LAUGH OUT LOUD, LAUGH YOUR HEAD OFF, AND LAUGH YOUR FAT OFF with Daniel Worona's LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

DIET HUMOR, DIET JOKES, DIET QUOTES, OBESITY HUMOR, OBESITY JOKES, OBESITY QUOTES, FAT HUMOUR, FAT JOKES, FAT QUOTES, You name it, I´ve got it!!! 

WORST-CASE SCENARIO:

DIET HUMOR WEBSITE: danworona.50megs.com  

If for some reason my lifelong collection of oodles and oodles of DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES is never published, it will probably end up in a trash can. 

Who loses?  Not me!   YOU DO!!!   BIG-TIME!!!

Why? Because I have had a ton of fun and a ton of laughs collecting it.

Do you want to enjoy my DIET HUMOR sayings collection?

You will when I am published!!!

SEEKING LITERARY AGENT AND PUBLISHER: Please e-mail me if you can help me.

LAUGH IT OFF DIET

IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis"

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

This is a 65-year plus collection and compilation of oodles and oodles of DIET HUMOR sayings.

IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!

ONLINE SINCE THE 1990s.

[I'm headed out, rainbow trout.]

SPORTS JOKE:

Q: Why are some umpires fat?

A: They always clean their plate!

THIS IS A HOBBY DIET HUMOR WEBSITE.

YOU ARE SAFE. I AM NOT SELLING ANYTHING.

My E-mail address is: dworona@yahoo.com        

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me.

PLEASE NOTE: My YAHOO E-MAIL ADDRESS is 100% SECURE.

The connection to the YAHOO server is encrypted.

RE: E-MAILING DAN WORONA.

PLEASE BE ADVISED: My website E-mail link (50MEGS server) is broken.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

If you want to contact me, YOU WILL HAVE TO TYPE MY E-MAIL ADDRESS IN MANUALLY. (or do a COPY & PASTE)

My E-mail address is: “dworona@yahoo.com” without the quotes.

THIS IS WORTH REPEATING!!!

DIET AND HEALTH SECRET:

DIET, HEALTH AND GOOD POSTURE:

SIT UP STRAIGHT.

WHY OH WHY?

Oh, gosh! My vital organs are being squashed!

DON’T SLOUCH ON THE COUCH!

Never slouch, as doing so compresses the lungs, and your other vital organs are being squashed.