BEST ELVIS JOKES, QUOTES, ONE-LINERS & ELVIS HUMOR / HUMOUR.

FUNNY ELVIS HUMOR AND FUNNY ELVIS JOKES:

This webpage is dedicated to the King of Rock and Roll: ELVIS PRESLEY.

VINTAGE ELVIS HUMOR BUTTON:

I SAW ELVIS.

He sat between me and Bigfoot
on the UFO.

ELVIS PRESLEY JOKES:

FUNNY ELVIS WORDPLAY:

Elvis had a good sense of humor and he loved wordplay. He couldn't resist turning words on themselves.

Elvis Presley singing Heartbreak Hotel became:

ELVIS PRETZEL singing HEARTBURN HOTEL.

Elvis Presley had a BIG APPETITE for life, singing, women, cars, and food. He had "food issues", and I will be poking fun and spoofing his food "faux pas" and his food "ET"-iquette. If you know what I mean. He shoulda "et" a healthy diet.

Elvis also had "drug abuse" issues.

You are not as smart as you think you are. I betcha don't know his cause of death at at age 42 back in 1977. Do ya? I'll give you three guesses.

HOW ELVIS DIED:

Q: DO YOU KNOW WHAT KILLED ELVIS?

A: Butter!!!

According to Dr. Jerry Francisco, the Shelby County coroner who performed the autopsy, said, "Elvis had coronary disease and hypertension. Butter probably produced more damage on his heart than drugs."

FAMOUS GREASE DIETS:

THE ELVIS PRESLEY GREASE DIET versus THE DANIEL WORONA GREASE DIET. Which would you choose? 

THE ELVIS PRESLEY GREASE DIET: It consisted of tons of Southern fried food, cheeseburgers, bacon, and butter galore. Elvis put butter on his butter.

DANIEL “WOR” WORONA’S GREASE DIET: Diet, health and fitness guru Daniel “WOR” Worona recommend’s tons and tons of grease in your diet… --ELBOW GREASE!!!

ELBOW GREASE is an idiom for working hard and vigorous exertion (as in: "BURN, BABY, BURN!... those calories.").

HUMAN NATURE IS FUNNY:

IF YOU WANT TO MAKE PEOPLE ANGRY, LIE TO THEM.

IF YOU WANT TO REALLY PISS THEM OFF, TELL THEM THE TRUTH.

THINSPIRATIONAL MESSAGE:

Right before your eyes, The Big Kahuna of Dieting, Daniel Worona, is about to perform dieting magic. He is going change an ELVIS NEGATIVE into a ELVIS POSITIVE!!!

ELVIS THE LEGEND: He conquered the world with his guitar and his voice.  

THE LATE GREAT ELVIS: Elvis was great at everything he did. Many people believe he was the greatest singer and entertainer ever, myself included. 

ELVIS' MISSION IN LIFE:

He used to wonder what his "mission in life" was. Well, dieting guru Daniel "WOR" Worona is about to tell you. His poor eating habits are notorious. By spoofing Elvis Presley's poor eating habits, Daniel Worona will change a negative image into a positive. Elvis was a GOOD EXAMPLE of a  BAD EXAMPLE!!!

THE RELEVANCE OF FAT ELVIS:

Elvis Presley was a prodigious eater. This Fat Elvis spoof, by yours truly, will show you how NOT to eat!!! Fat Elvis will serve as a bad example of what happens when you Hoover up your food. (That was his ultimate "mission in life.")

TO HOOVER: A slang term meaning to eat very fast and too much.

e.g. "He pigged out by Hoovering up all the cheeseburgers.”

FAT ELVIS was kind of a human Hoover vacuum cleaner when he ate.
(Learn from his mistakes!)

So friends and neighbors, step away from the trough, diet guru Daniel Worona is about to show you the "LITE"!!!!

EAT RIGHT, OR DIE(t)!!!, that's my motto.

Woriginal Original Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"

(PLEASE NOTE: My name is not Author Anonymous.)

("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!! Don't be a FATHEAD!!!)

A COMIC ELVIS POEM by MARY DOERR:

FAT ELVIS (THERE’S MORE TO LOVE!!!)

Now I don't mean
To sound lewd
But I just really
Loved food

I ate all day long
And into the night
You know...all my fancy costumes
Got way too tight

Thank you... thank you very much!!

By Mary L. Doerr

This has been the #1 DIET HUMOR Web site in the world for twenty-one consecutive (21) years.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

EAT RIGHT, EAT "LITE"!!! 

Woriginal Original Daniel L. Worona "Rare Bird"

Daniel L. Worona, diet humorist, diet guru, anti-obesity activist, and fitness expert, wishes you a HEALTHIER and WELL-THIER you!!! 

ELVIS CHOCOLATE JOKE:

Q: WHAT WAS ELVIS' FAVORITE TYPE OF CHOCOLATE?

A: CHOCOLATE COVERED CHOCOLATE.

FUNNY ELVIS PRESLEY "DOWN HOME" RECIPES: FOOL'S GOLD SANDWICH:

"Elvis ate two Fool’s Gold sandwiches every night. That’s a jar of peanut butter, a jar of strawberry jam, and a pound of bacon on a loaf of hollowed out bread. That’s after dinner."

WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE?

Diet guru and diet humorist Daniel L. Worona not only makes you laugh, he also makes you think!!!

1. Diet guru and diet humorist Daniel L. Worona advises: DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ... and only half of what you see.

2. "The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that you can never know if they are genuine."
--Abraham Lincoln

3. IF YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ, YOU BETTER NOT READ.

4. YES, INDEED! TAKE HEED WHEN YOU READ!!!

-Woriginal original by Daniel L. Worona

There has been a lot of "baloney" written about Elvis' eating habits. Take heed when you read.

Woriginal original by Daniel L. Worona

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

FUNNY ELVIS PRESLEY JOKE:

ELVIS VERSUS GODZILLA

Eating Habits:

Godzilla: Would eat anything.

Elvis: Would eat anything fried.

Eating Habits:

Godzilla: Has eaten the building.

Elvis: Has eaten everything in the building.

FUNNY ELVIS PRESLEY KNOCK KNOCK JOKE:

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Elvis.

Elvis who?

How soon they forget.

ELVIS PRESLEY PHILOSOPHY "LIFE QUOTE":

LIVING THE MOMENT:

You only pass through this life once. You don't come back for an encore.

--ELVIS

ELVIS jokes on the album From Memphis to Vegas/From
Vegas to Memphis (1969):

ELVIS: "This is my first live appearance in nine years. I've appeared dead
before, but this is my first live appearance.

ELVIS RIPS IT UP!!!

ELVIS: “Good god I just ripped the seat of my pants do you believe it? Don't laugh -- but 60,000 people saw me rip the seat out of my pants.. Don't laugh -- could happened to you.”

Dec 31, 1975.

WHAT IF ELVIS JOKE:

If Elvis only wrote sad songs, he would be known as Elvis Depressly.

A CORNY ELVIS JOKE:

I don't understand how Elvis got so fat

He ate nothing but a hound dog.

[PLAY ON: HE AIN’T NOTHING BUT A HOUND DOG.]

ELVIS RIDDLE AND PUN:

Q: What does Elvis say when he's done doing your landscaping?

“Thank you, thank ya very mulch.”

[It obviously needs to be read in Elvis' voice for the joke to make sense.]

I’VE GOT MOVES LIKE ELVIS:

I got moves like Elvis…

…After he died.

Sonny West (One of Elvis’s bodyguards):

“Elvis, as much as anybody I've ever known in my life, loved to laugh. His whole life was built around trying to find humor in things.”

Please send me some ELVIS PRESLEY JOKES, ELVIS FAT JOKES, FUNNY ELVIS POEMS, and FUNNY ELVIS LIMERICKS, and so on.

My e-mail address is at the bottom of this page.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 

Daniel Worona

Elvis’s income dropped from nearly $500,000 a month to $78 a month after he was drafted into the U.S. Army on Dec. 19, 1957.

Look on the bright side: It was a much lower tax bracket.

Elvis's 1956 two-sided hit, "HOUND DOG" / "DON'T BE CRUEL," is the most popular jukebox selection of all time.

GET REEL!!! (It's a pun, not a typo.)

Elvis’ favorite movie, supposedly, was James Dean’s Rebel Without a Cause, which he supposedly memorized line by line.

(DANIEL WORONA'S WORDS OF WISDOM: Just because someone says something, that doesn't make it true.)

NOTE: Many comments are just a figure of speech, not meant to be taken literally. Elvis was an usher as a teenager and saw the film Rebel Without a Cause over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

Many of Elvis's comments are distorted. (I can give you many examples.)

HIS LIFE STORY:

I hope I didn't bore you too much with my life story.

--ELVIS PRESLEY

He loved to eat fried peanut butter & banana sandwiches. I'm sure you knew that but, what the hay.

 TOM SWIFTIES: ELVIS PRESLEY.

"Elvis is dead," reported Tom expressly.

FAT ELVIS JOKES

DON'T GET "ALL SHOOK UP!"

OBESE ELVIS:

Elvis weighed approximately 230lbs when he died. His normal weight averaged 165-175lbs. His weight had soared because of poor eating habits, inactivity and bloating from the massive amounts of prescription drugs he had been taking. (And don't forget all that "butter.")

He certainly didn't look like himself, the bloating in his face was very apparent and changed his looks more than the weight gain alone.

THE ELVIS COMPUTER VIRUS JOKE:

ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self-destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

ELVIS PRESLEY HUMOR & JOKES & RIDDLES & PUNS:

Thankyouverymuch.

Q: What was FAT ELVIS' favorite romantic song?

A. BABY, BABY, BABY (BABY BACK RIBS).

ELVIS PRESLEY HUMOR AND  ELVIS JOKES

FUNNY ELVIS QUOTES:

1. Ambition is a dream with a V8 engine.

2. "People ask me where I got my singing style. I didn't copy my style from anybody . . . . Country music was always an influence on my kind of music."

DUMB, STOOPID, LAME, CORNY ELVIS JOKE:

*******************************************
Q: What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?

A: Elvis has been sighted!

What was Elvis Presley's worst song?

A: "Queenie Wahine's Papaya" from 1966's Paradise, Hawaiian Style will have to fit the bill.

Or maybe it was: “Yoga Is As Yoga Does”. Take your pick.

ELVIS ONE-LINERS: PHILADELPHIA, June 23, 1974, A.S.: "Don't do that after just eating breakfast..." Elvis says, after finishing Polk Salad Annie.

LAS VEGAS, August 20, 1970, M.S.: "You give me hope and constipation..."

ELVIS VS. JESUS

The similarities between Jesus Christ and Elvis Presley are almost uncanny. Just check the following parallels for yourself!

Jesus said "Love thy neighbor." Elvis said "Don't be cruel."

Jesus is the Lord's shepherd. Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.

Jesus was part of the Trinity. Elvis' first band was a trio.

Jesus walked on water. Elvis surfed (Blue Hawaii, 1965).

Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members. Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.

Jesus was resurrected. Elvis had the famous 1968 "Comeback" TV special and many posthumous mall sightings.

Jesus said "If a man thirst, let him come to me, and drink." (John 7:37). Elvis said "Drinks on me" (Jail House Rock, 1957).

Jesus fasted for 40 days and nights. Elvis also had irregular eating habits (eg, 5 banana split breakfast).

Jesus is a Capricorn (Dec 25). Elvis is a Capricorn (Jan8).

Matthew was a biographer of Jesus. Neil Matthews was a biographer of Elvis (A Golden Tribute).

"Jesus countenance...like lightning...raiment snow white." (Matthew 28:3) Elvis wore snow white jumpsuits with lightning bolts.

Jesus lived in a state of grace in a near-eastern land. Elvis lived in Graceland in a nearly eastern state.

Jesus' mother Mary had an immaculate conception. Elvis' wife Priscilla went to Immaculate Conception H.S.

People called Jesus a "...glutton and a drunk." (Luke 7:34) People called Elvis "...an overweight druggie...".

Jesus died for us. Young girls would 'die for' Elvis.

Jesus was born in humble surroundings. Elvis was born in Mississippi.

Even today Jesus has a cult following. Even today Elvis has a cult following.

Jesus was called "King of Israel.." (John 12:13) Elvis was called "King of Rock n' Roll."

THE ELVIS COMPUTER VIRUS:

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

ELVIS PRESLEY KNOCK KNOCK JOKE:

Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Elvis!

Elvis who?

Elvis-eeing you around soon, macaroon!

ELVIS LIGHTBULB JOKE:

How many paranoid delusionals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Who wants to know? Why do you want to know? Who sent you? Elvis, is that you?

ELVIS GAG A LAG BAG:

Q: What do you call the king of vegetables?

A: Elvis Parsley.

ELVIS  HA-HA JOKE:

Q: What's green and sings? 

A: Elvis Parsely.

ELVIS ONE-LINER:

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."

-Johnny Carson

ELVIS KNOCK, KNOCK JOKE:

Knock Knock

Who's There?

Elvis!

Elvis who?

Elvis has left the building.

ELVIS BLONDE WISECRACK:

Q: What is the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?

A: Elvis has been sighted!

Q: What's stiff and excites women?

A: Elvis Presley!

DON'T FORGET!

Only smart people read to the bottom of my webpages!

Have I ever lied to you before?

DAN WORONA "RARA AVIS"