DIET HUMOR SOS

FUNNY DIET HUMOR | DIET HUMOR | DIET JOKES | MISC. DIET HUMOR | CHOCOLATE HUMOR & CHOCOLATE JOKES | DIET DROPOUT HUMOR | DIET PUNS | DIET BALONEY | DIET RIOT | DIET HUMOR SOS | DIET QUOTES | WEIGHT LOSS JOKES | DIET "WOR" | OBESITY HUMOR & OBESITY JOKES | FUNNY FAT JOKES |  ELVIS HUMOR | HANK WILLIAMS HUMOR | WEIGHT WATCHERS JOKES | NEW DIET JOKES | YOU'RE #1! JOKES | WHATEVER!  JOKES | WORIGINAL JOKES | Favorite Links Page | CONTACT DAN WORONA

LAUGH IT UP. LAUGH IT OFF.

FUNNY DIET HUMOR SOS:

DIET HUMOR SOS (SAVE OUR SHAPE)
(This is part of my LAUGH IT OFF DIETand HA-HA DIET)
Copyright byDaniel L. Worona "Rara Avis."
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.


You are enjoying Daniel L. Worona’s #1, world-famous “LAUGH IT OFF” DIET.

The phrase “LAUGH IT OFF” existed long before I was born 75 years ago, but I (Daniel L. Worona) was the first one to use this phrase as a “DIET PUN" and a "DIET SLOGAN." I don’t care if you spell it: “LAUGH IT OFF!” or “LAUGH-IT-OFF”, or if you spell it upside down and backwards.

YE WHO READS THE FOLLOWING WEBPAGE SHALL BE GREATLY REWARDED.
(I promise. Have I ever let you down before?)

DIET HUMOR SOS: SOS...---...,S0S...---...SOS...---...,SOS!

Dear Friends,I have ZERO clout/influence with the news media. I have even LESS influence with the publishing industry.OBJECTIVE: To publish my 65-year plus collection of  thousands and thousands of DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET JOKES, and DIET QUOTES.  Much of this collection has never been published. It is a unique and priceless collection.

MY DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IS SECOND TO NONE!!!

Why do I need a major publisher & literary agent? Because I couldn't sell a lifeboat on the Titanic. Besides, if I knew what I was doing, I'D BE DANGEROUS!
--Dock Daniel L. Worona M.D. (Master of Disaster) 

MY PRIORITY: I want to share this unique and priceless collection with YOU! ...and the rest of the world. My motive is purely selfish: I enjoy making people laugh. (It makes ME feel good, real good!!!)

 


TO EACH HIS CONE.

CAN YOU HELP ME?

Answer: YES YOU CAN!!! (I am only asking for your MORAL SUPPORT.)
HOW?

1. WORD OF MOUTH: Please tell your friends about my DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES website: DANWORONA.50MEGS.COM.

 2. I need "CONTACTS" to people in the publishing and news media.

3. Please write, phone, or e-mail people in the news media about my unique DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKES website. Hopefully they will print an article about my website.
IF YOU CAN HELP ME, PLEASE E-MAIL ME:

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the subject line of your e-mail.


LIFE IS UNFAIR. (So what else is new?)

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND ATTENTION.

OBSESSIVE DIETER: If you take your diet too seriously, you need to LIGHTEN UP!

Please do not take any of the following DIET HUMOR personally. If you do, then you need to LIGHTEN UP! (Get it?) --Dan Worona

 

Tofu for lunch? INCLUDE ME OUT!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND ATTENTION!
Now for your reward: DIET HUMOR.

1. The Quaker Poet Whittier wrote: "For all the sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: 'It might have been'!" I don't think so. To me the saddest words of tongue and pen are these: "HEY! WHO ATE ALL THE ICE CREAM?"
--Woriginal by Daniel Worona (Actually I stole this ditty from the great mystery writer Lawernce Sanders, but substituted my own punch line. I give you my permission to do the same.)

2. HOW TO BE HAPPIER RIGHT NOW!
Do 40 jumping jacks. If the exercise doesn't rev up your engine and lift your spirits, stopping will.

3. NEWS FLASH: Worldwide obesity epidemic:
OBESITY IS A WIDENING PROBLEM. 
THERE IS WIDESPREAD PANIC!
--Woriginal diet humor quote by Daniel Worona

HOLY-MOLE-POZOLE!   HOLY RAVIOLI! 
HOLY GUACAMOLE!    --D. Worona

4. DIET SLOGAN: DON'T BE HUNGRY FOR FOOD. BE HUNGRY FOR LIFE.

5. 1960's COFFEE MUG: DOWN WITH UP.

6. As grandpa use to say: HEALTH IS THE GREATEST WEALTH, BOY. DON'T EVER FORGET IT!

7. FITNESS IS ABOUT SANITY, NOT VANITY.

8. WALKING FOR EXERCISE IS THE RIGHT STEP.

 

AND PEOPLE SAID I WOULDN'T AMOUNT TO MUCH. --PAUNCHA GORDA

 9. BEST BUDS: Did you hear about the two inseperable overweight friends who always  went out to eat together?

They call themselves: THE TASTE BUDS.

--Woriginal pun by Daniel Worona "The Pun-isher"

10. I MUST BE  ALLERGIC TO CHEESECAKE. EVERY TIME I EAT, I BREAK OUT INTO FAT ALL OVER MY BODY. 
--Daniel Worona

11. I HAVE FLABBY THIGHS, FORTUNATELY MY STOMACH COVERS THEM.  --Sir Laughalot

 

THE PROBLEM AT HAND. (FOOD)

12. I just had a delicious breakfast at Starbux:
A COFFEE-FLAVORED DOUGHNUT WITH A DOUGHNUT FLAVORED COFFEE.

OLD CHINESE PROVERB: ANY DAY THAT STARTS WITH COFFEE AND DOUGHNUTS CAN'T BE ALL BAD.
--Woriginal by Daniel Hung Ree Worona

13. I AM NOT FAT. I AM A NUTRITIONAL OVERACHIEVER.
--Monsieur Anonymous

14. T-shirt on a rather large person: WARNING: CONTENTS UNDER PRESSURE.   --CHUCK L. HEAD

 

MY FLABBER IS GASTED.

15. DIET JOKE: I am on a diet, so my husband hid my box of chocolates. He figured: "OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND." It's true!!! The box of chocolates is OUT OF SIGHT and I'm going OUT OF MY MIND!

--Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona

 

HAVE YOU HAD YOUR VITAMIN CH TODAY?

16. As Oscar Mayer used to say: IT LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT A WIENER! 

--Oscar Mayer (DUH!)

 

17. SOMEONE ONCE SAID WE MUST STRIVE TO DIE YOUNG AT A VERY OLD AGE.

18. Missing persons report: She was wearing a green t-shirt, jeans, and thirty extra pounds.

19. MODERATION IN ALL THINGS, some Ancient Greek advised. He wrote that, of course, before the invention of pizza.
Who said that? I did.

---Woriginal  by Daniel L. Worona

20. I AM NOT FAT. I AM CALORICALLY CHALLENGED.

21. YOU HAVE TO PAY A HEFTY PRICE (a very big, big, BIG PRICE) FOR EXCEEDING THE FEED LIMIT.
(Get it?) Who said that? I did.

--Woriginal by Daniel Worona

22. Why do I work? I'm supporting a habit. I have to eat every now and then.  --Loren D. Estleman

23. OBESITY IS A GROWING THREAT.

--Daniel Worona

24. PizzAHH!

25. Weight no longer.  Diet now!  --Daniel Worona

WARNING: More hilariously funny DIET HUMOR / HUMOUR ahead.

DIET HUMOR S.O.S. (SAVE OUR SHAPE)
(This is part of my LAUGH IT OFF DIET.)

People ask me: Why do you collect diet humor?
BECAUSE I CAN'T DANCE. I CAN'T SING, AND I'M TOO FAT TOO FLY.  --Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis." (a.k.a.
PAUNCHO GORDO)PAUNCHO GORDO is my Mexican alias.)

COPYRIGHT  Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis."
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

DIET HUMOR AND WELLNESS EXPERT DANIEL L. WORONA 

 

Experience: Dan Worona "RARA AVIS" ("Rare Bird") is a diet guru and fitness expert. He is a retired physical education teacher. His parents were both "health nuts" and taught him well... wellness.

 

YOU'RE MEDICINE FOR ME.

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: If any of these diet humor sayings and/or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit.

I do not have a friend in the world to help me get published, EXCEPT YOU.
 
Please COPY AND PASTE the following e-mail and pass it on to all your friends.

To: (All your friends)
From: (Your name)
Subject: DIET HUMOR SAYINGS: a 65-year plus collection.

Dear Friend,
Daniel Worona's amazing, fast-acting, pleasant tasting, polyunsaturated DIET HUMOR E-MAIL DIET:
Read half of my DIET HUMOR website (danworona.50megs.com) and you will laugh off *5 pounds.
If you take time to enjoy the entire DIET HUMOR website, you will laugh off *10 pounds.
Send this message to all your friends and you will lose *5 pounds.
If you delete this message, you will instantly gain 15 pounds.

*RESULTS MAY VARY ACCORDING TO YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.
Thank you,
Daniel Worona "Rara Avis"  (danworona.50megs.com)

COPYRIGHT: Daniel L. Worona

DIET & WEIGHT LOSS JOKES AND ONE-LINERS

1. Q: Why do they call it pound cake?
A: Because every time you eat a piece, you gain a pound.
 
2. Diet joke: You know your diet is in trouble when you count your blessings and McDonald's is always the first one.

3. Sign in DAN THE MAN's gym: BE A "BUSY"-BODY.
--Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona

4. YOUR STOMACH SHOULDN'T BE A WAIST BASKET.

5. CHOCOLATE IS MY KRYPTONITE.  --Daniel Worona

6. OBESITY IS A BIG TOPIC (of conversation).
--Daniel Worona

7. ABSINTHE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER. (pun)

 

You have enjoyed the above DIET HUMOR. How about returning the favor and send me a few of your favorite DIET HUMOR SAYINGS or DIET JOKES???

FUNNY DIETING, WEIGHT LOSS, HEALTH, EXERCISE AND FITNESS QUOTES

One should eat to live, not live to eat. Moliere

To lengthen thy Life, lessen thy meals. Benjamin Franklin

Never eat more than you can lift. Miss Piggy

I prefer Hostess fruit pies to pop-up toaster tarts because they don't require so much cooking. Carrie Snow

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it. Andy Rooney

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.  Anonymous

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. Totie Fields

Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we diet!  Anonymous

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. Mae West

To feel "fit as a fiddle," you must tone down your middle.  Anonymous

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping! Milton Berle

He who does not mind his belly, will hardly mind anything else. Samuel Johnson

I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge. Paula Poundstone

Old people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get. Robert Orben

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. Fred Allen

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting. Mark Twain

When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away. Robert M. Hutchins

Too many people confine their exercise to jumping to conclusions, running up bills, stretching the truth, bending over backward, lying down on the job, sidestepping responsibility and pushing their luck.

HILARIOUS DIET TIP: "Dance like nobody's watching! Eat like somebody is!"

WORIGINAL DANIEL L. WORONA

GUTTON JOKE:

ROSES ARE RED,
PIZZA SAUCE IS TOO.
I ORDERED A LARGE,
AND NONE OF IT'S FOR YOU.

 

FATSO JOKE:

IT WAS TOO LARGE TO FIT ON THIS SCREEN.

 

 

 

 

 

HEALTH IS WEALTH

COFFEE SHOP SIGN
DEJA BREW: The feeling that you've had this coffee before.

I have ZERO influence with the news media and less than zero influence with the publishing industry.

I do not have a friend in the world to help me get published, EXCEPT YOU.

Why do I need a publisher?: Because... I COULDN'T SELL A LIFEBOAT ON THE TITANIC, however, I am the foremost DIET HUMOR collector in the world. My area of expertise is collecting DIET HUMOR, not publishing. 

 Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

 

DIET HUMOUR, WEIGHT LOSS HUMOUR, FAT HUMOUR, and OBESITY HUMOUR for all to enjoy. 

This is a hobby DIET HUMOR Web site... FOR ALL TO ENJOY!!!

HoW To KeEp A HeALthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd
dRiVe OtHeR PeOPLe iNsAnE:

Q: HoW dO yOu GeT a CoUch PotaTo tO dO SiT-uPs?
A: TapE tHe rEMotE cONtroL tO hIs aNkLeS.
--DaNieL L. WoROnA

DIET HUMOR DIETS by Daniel L. Worona:

1. THE ITALIAN PASTA DIET by Daniel L. Worona

1. You walka pasta da pizzeria.

2. U walka pasta da candy store.

3. You walka pasta da ice cream shop.

4. You walka pasta da bakery and da donut shop.

5. You walka pasta da table and da fridgerator.
(More better, you walka pasta da kitchen.)

6. You walka pasta da pasta. (I notta walka pasta da pasta.
Thatta my problem.)

7. You justa walka and walka.

8. Lasta but no leasta, you laya offa da vino, bambino.

Hey, paisano! What'sa matta you? No like? You gotta better idea?

If so, please e-mail your comments:

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at:

dworona@ yahoo.com

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

2. Daniel Worona's famous "CHICKEN DINNER DIET"

UNBELIEVEABLE!!! Eat all the chicken dinners you want
and still lose weight!!!

Of course, as you know, chickens only eat pure corn grain
for dinner. 
(with a little bit of grass and weeds on the side.)
Sorry, no salad dressing allowed.

Copyright by Daniel L. Worona

3. Daniel Worona's FAT-FREE DIET:
ALL FOOD IS FAT-FREE, IF YOU DON'T EAT IT, SILLY!

4. The sensational "GNU DIET" (Also spelled "NEW DIET").
It is the "GNU" way to lose weight.
Gnu's subsist in the wild on grass, leaves and herbs.
NOTE: You may substitute alfalfa and hay if any of the above
are unavailable. No limit. Eat to your heart's content.
--Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" 

Thank you for taking a look. I commend your good taste.
"LAUGH IT OFF" DIET by Daniel L. Worona

Until we eat again, Daniel Worona

HASTA LA PASTA.

COPYRIGHT by Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" (Rare Bird)
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Please note: NINETY-NINE POINT FIVE PERCENT (99.5%) OF DANIEL L. WORONA’S DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IS NOT FOUND ON THE INTERNET!!!

No one can even come close to duplicating Daniel L. Worona’s 65-year plus DIET HUMOR collection. It is a ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!!!

My goal is to publish this collection and share it with everyone.

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

THINGS CHANGE!!!!

THE ABOVE STATEMENT WAS WRITTEN LONG AGO.

HOWEVER, I STILL HAVE THE FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IN THE UNIVERSE.

WORST-CASE SCENARIO:

DIET HUMOR WEBSITE: danworona.50megs.com  

If for some reason my lifelong collection of  umpteen thousand DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES is never published, it will probably end up in a trash can. 

Who loses?  Not me!  YOU DO!!!  BIG-TIME!!!

Why? Because I have had a ton of fun and a ton of laughs collecting it.

Would you like to enjoy my  DIET HUMOR sayings collection?

You will when I am published!!!

SEEKING LITERARY AGENT AND PUBLISHER: Please e-mail me if you can help. 

MY E-MAIL ADDRESS:
Yes, I will read your e-mail and diet jokes if you include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis"

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

This is a 65-year plus collection and compilation of thousands and thousands of DIET HUMOR sayings.

IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!

ONLINE SINCE THE 1990s.

[Gotta kick it, little Cricket.]

DIET JOKE:

The best thing about diet jokes is that they're zero calories.

If your dog is too fat, then you’re not getting enough exercise.

THIS IS A HOBBY DIET HUMOR WEBSITE.

YOU ARE SAFE. I AM NOT SELLING ANYTHING.

My E-mail address is: dworona@yahoo.com        

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me.

PLEASE NOTE: My YAHOO E-MAIL ADDRESS is 100% SECURE.

The connection to the YAHOO server is encrypted.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

RE: E-MAILING DAN WORONA.

PLEASE BE ADVISED: My website E-mail link (50MEGS server) is broken.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

If you want to contact me, YOU WILL HAVE TO TYPE MY E-MAIL ADDRESS IN MANUALLY. (or do a COPY & PASTE)

My E-mail address is: “dworona@yahoo.com” without the quotes.