HEALTH SECRET by DIET GURU DANIEL L. WORONA

DIET, HEALTH AND GOOD POSTURE:

SIT UP STRAIGHT.

Never slouch, as doing so compresses the lungs, and squashes other vital organs.

YOU WILL FIND LOT'S OF DIET HUMOR AND DIET JOKES DOWN YONDER, BUT LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF FIRST AND TELL YOU A SECRET:

DIETERS GO TO "WOR"!!! (Read on, my friend.)

I am saving the "CREME DE LA CREME" of my DIET HUMOR collection for when my DIET HUMOR collection is published in book form.

DIET HUMOR, DIET GURU AND WELLNESS EXPERT DANIEL "WOR" WORONA:

IF YOU CAN READ THIS… THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY!!!

This has been the #1 DIET HUMOR Web site in the world for nearly twenty years.

DIET TIPS AND QUIPS:

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

FOOD IDIOMS:

(HE or SHE'S) OUT TO LUNCH.

MEANING: to behave crazily or madly.

TO HAVE A FULL PLATE:

MEANING: to have a lot to do.

FOOD PUN:

A sandwich is an attempt to make both ends meat.

HEALTH QUOTE:

A HEALTHY BODY IS A HAPPY BODY.

WEIGHT LOSS TIP:
(from DIET HUMOR guru: Daniel Worona)

100 laughs a day is equal to 10 minutes of exercise!

How can it can get any easier than that?

FUNNY DIET AND SLIMMING FACTS:

LAUGHING IS HEALTHY.

LAUGHING PROLONGS YOUR LIFE.

(So if you follow my DIET HUMOR Web site, you will live forever.)

THE WORLD'S NUMERO UNO DIET HUMORIST:

EXPERIENCE: Daniel Worona "RARA AVIS" ("Rare Bird") is a diet guru and fitness expert. He is a retired physical education teacher and personal trainer (They didn't call him DAN DAN THE MUSCLE MAN for nothing). His parents were both "health nuts" and taught him well... wellness. Needless to say, he is a published author, wordsmith, linguist and humorist.

Daniel "WOR" Worona, diet humorist, diet guru, anti-obesity activist, and fitness expert, wishes you a HEALTHIER and WELL-THIER you!!! He is looking for a literary agent and major publisher for his collection of DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES.

Daniel "WOR"  Worona's e-mail address can be found at the bottom of this webpage.

PLEASE READ ON IF.... you are interested in seeing my collection of DIET HUMOR sayings published in book form.

I will be most happy to share this 65-year plus collection with Y-O-U and the whole wide world. However, I will NOT put the bulk of my DIET HUMOR collection (more than 99%) on the internet.  NEVER!!! 

WHY?

WHY SHOULD I???!!! ... just to be ripped off by a bunch of ingrates who will not give me an iota of recognition for over 60 years I have spent collecting this diet humor (not to mention my thousands of Woriginal original diet humor sayings and diet jokes by yours truly).

My DIET HUMOR collection has a lot more to offer than just diet humor and diet jokes.

FOR EXAMPLE:

1. I have a considerable collection of "motivational diet sayings."

2. I have a wealth of diet tips (some serious, some not).

3. DANIEL "WOR" WORONA'S DIET:

THE "WOR" DIET: TOP SECRET (Read my mind).

If you follow my diet concepts, you will be able to strike the word "diet" from your vocabulary!  Think I am kidding? You better think again, my friend.

"WOR" IS COMING!!! 

DIET GURU: DANIEL "WOR" WORONA: "He has forgotten more about dieting than most of you will ever know about dieting.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO ENJOY MY FULL DIET HUMOR COLLECTION?

You will see my full DIET HUMOR collection when I am published in book form.

I have ZERO influence with the news media and less than zero influence with the publishing industry.

I do not have a friend in the world to help me get published, EXCEPT YOU.

Why do I need a publisher?

Because... I COULDN'T SELL A LIFEBOAT ON THE TITANIC, however, I am the foremost DIET HUMOR collector in the world. My area of expertise is collecting DIET HUMOR, not publishing. 

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

DOES ANYONE CARE?

CAUTION: DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE, BECAUSE IT WILL BE IN YOUR BRAIN FOREVER AND EVER.

OOPS! TOP SECRET. I CANNOT TELL YOU. READ MY MIND.

So you will never enjoy my primo DIET HUMOR collection. THAT'S WHAT!!!

GET THE PICTURE?

I HAVE A "GOLD MINE" OF DIET HUMOR AND DIET JOKES, HOWEVER, THIS COLLECTION WILL REMAIN "BURIED" UNTIL IT IS PROPERLY PUBLISHED IN BOOK FORM.

The easiest way to find this DIET HUMOR Web site is to search "diet humor" or YAHOO / GOOGLE "Daniel Worona" and you will get the "HOT" link to this Web site.

Diet humor Web address: danworona.50megs.com

ANTIDEPRESSANT JOKE:

CHUBBY GIRL SAYS: I’m not a doctor, but I know that adding cheese to anything makes it an antidepressant.

ELEPHANT JOKE:

Male elephant as a female elephant passes by says, “Wow! She’s a perfect 264-286-327!”

Diet guru Daniel L. Worona says; “Your lips may lie, but your hips don’t!

What do we want?

A cure for obesity.

When do we want it?

After dinner.

CHRISTMAS SEASON DIET HUMOR DITTY AND IT AIN'T PRETTY:

'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS:

Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips
were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips   

Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care
in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.   

While Mama in her my girdle and I in chin straps
had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.

When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash
tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.

The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.

When what to my wandering eyes should appear:
a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!   

That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick
I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.

The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer
I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear was:
On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS and 
a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.

From the top of the scales to the top of the hall
now dash away pounds now dash away all.

Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress
my clothes were all bulging from too much excess.   

My droll little mouth and my round little belly
they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.

I spoke not a word but went straight to my work
ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.  

And laying a finger beside my heartburn
I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned.   

I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry
if temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by.   

And I mumbled again as I turned for the night
in the morning I'll starve... 'til I take that first bite!

CHRISTMAS DIET JOKE:

Christmas is just plain weird.

What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree in your living room eating candy and snacks out of your socks?

A FUNNY "WOR": 

YOU HAVE ENTERED THE "WOR" WAR ZONE

"WOR" GOES TO WAR OVER DIET HUMOR!!!

DECLARATION OF "WOR"

By Daniel "Wor" Worona

I will no longer add the "Primo" (Best of the Best) DIET HUMOR or CHOCOLATE HUMOR to this Web site until my full DIET HUMOR and CHOCOLATE HUMOR collection of thousands of DIET HUMOR and DIET JOKE sayings is properly published in book form.

DIET WAR: At this point it is ME against the world. I do not have any connections in the publishing industry (or anywhere else for that matter). 

If you can help me to get published or offer a suggestion, please e-mail me. Daniel Worona's e-mail can be found at the bottom of this webpage. 

DIET AND HEALTH PUN

by DANIEL WORONA
********************
ILL CHOICES = ILL CONSEQUENCES.
***********************************
I repeat:ILL CHOICES EQUALS ILL CONSEQUENCES.
*************************************************
I wish you, one and all, A “WELL-THY” LIFE.

WORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA

SLIMMING QUOTATION:

A WOMAN IS A DIET WAITING TO HAPPEN.

SLIMMING HUMOR / HUMOUR:

LITTLE AND OFTEN DOES NOT MEAN A TRIP TO THE FRIDGE EVERY HALF HOUR.

SLIM’S SLIMMING JOKE:

My girl has the physique of a greyhound.

Not the slim athletic dog... The bus!

SLIM CHANCE DIET MUSING:

My friend asked me, "Are you on a diet? You look so slim! What's your secret?!"
I said, "Poverty."

FAST WOMAN JOKE:

Looking in the mirror I thought I looked great at 30. Long silky hair, beautiful blue eyes, pert breasts, firm abs, long slim legs.

I wondered how I would look at 60, but then I thought it might be dangerous at that speed.

SLIMMING JOKE? RIDDLE? or POEM?:

It´s YOUR turn!!!  SEND ME ONE!!!

FUNNY WEIGHT LOSS TEAM NAMES:

Skinny Up

Muffin Top Stoppers

FUNNY DIET TEAM & SLIMMING TEAM  NAMES:

Thin to Win

 Good Bye Lovehandles

WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE?

Diet guru and diet humorist Daniel L. Worona not only makes you laugh, he also makes you think!!!

1. Daniel L. Worona advises you: DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ... and only half of what you see.

2. "The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that you can never know if they are genuine."
--Abraham Lincoln

3. IF YOU BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ, YOU BETTER NOT READ.

4. YES, INDEED! TAKE HEED WHEN YOU READ!!!
-Woriginal original by Daniel L. Worona

DANIEL WORONA "HONEST DAN" is also a bit of a philosopher. His nearly 75 years of wisdom can be boiled down to one sentence: Boys and girls,

ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH!
(Then run like hell!!!).

WORIGINAL ORIGINAL by DANIEL WORONA

(PLEASE NOTE: My name is not Author Anonymous.)

("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!! Don't be a FATHEAD!!!)

NO BALONEY, MAHONEY!

HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT DIETING!!!

GUARANTEED!!!

by Coach Daniel L. Worona

When you follow Daniel Worona's healthy eating lifestyle, weight loss is an automatic side effect.

SIDE EFFECTS:

1. ADIOS LOVE-HANDLES!

2. WHITTLE YOUR MIDDLE!

3. REDUCE YOUR PROFUSE CABOOSE!

You're welcome!

NUTRITION AND FITNESS COACH: DANIEL L. WORONA

FUNNY CLEAN JOKES ABOUT DIETING:

Q: WHAT DO SEVEN DAYS OF DIETING DO?

A: THEY MAKE ONE WEAK (WEEK).

Q: HOW CAN YOU KEEP FROM GETTING A SHARP PAIN IN  YOUR EYE WHEN YOU DRINK DIET SHAKES?

 A: TAKE THE SPOON OUT OF THE GLASS.

 ENGLISH LESSON QUESTION:

How come you can drink a drink, but not food a food?

NEWBIE JOKES JEST 4U:

OLD AGE JOKE:

MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT.

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time.

- Chinese Proverb

The easiest way to find this DIET HUMOR Web site is to search "diet humor" or  GOOGLE or YAHOO "Daniel Worona" and you will get the "HOT" link to this Web site.

Diet humor Web address: danworona.50megs.com

COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: If any of these diet humor sayings and/or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit. Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

COPYRIGHT Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"

NOTICE OF COPYRIGHT:

If you borrow from this DIET HUMOR Web site, at least have the decency to give DANIEL L. WORONA his due credit.

WARNING: If you steal Daniel Worona's DIET HUMOR material, you will be hexed with a BIG FAT CURSE!!!

(PLEASE NOTE: My name is not Author Anonymous.)

("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!!)

THANK YOU VERY MUCH: I thank all the kind people out there in cyberspace who have been giving me credit when when they use material from this DIET HUMOR Web site.

Daniel Worona

WARNING!!!: For those who continue to steal from this DIET HUMOR Web site without giving Daniel Worona proper credit, you will be bombarded with CALORIES and FAT BOMBS!

BAD KARMA WILL GET YA!!!  (JUST YOU "WEIGHT"!!!)

WORST-CASE SCENARIO:

DIET HUMOR WEBSITE: danworona.50megs.com

If for some reason my lifelong collection of more than "MUCHO MANY" DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES is never published, it will probably end up in a trash can. 

Who loses?  Not me!   YOU DO!!! BIG-TIME!!!

Why? Because I have had a ton of fun and a ton of laughs collecting it.

Would you like to enjoy my thousands of DIET HUMOR sayings and DIET JOKES collection?

You will when I am published!!! 

 LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

COPYRIGHT Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird"). 
(Online since: June 7, 1999.)

The world's #1 DIET HUMOR Website for a quarter century: danworona.50megs.com.

[Wave goodbye, Butterfly.]

FUNNY DIET TIP OF THE DAY:

When eating donuts, only eat the center part.

THIS IS A HOBBY DIET HUMOR WEBSITE.

YOU ARE SAFE. I AM NOT SELLING ANYTHING.

My E-mail address is: dworona@yahoo.com        

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me.

PLEASE NOTE: My YAHOO E-MAIL ADDRESS is 100% SECURE.

The connection to the YAHOO server is encrypted.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

RE: E-MAILING DAN WORONA.

PLEASE BE ADVISED: My website E-mail link (50MEGS server) is broken.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

If you want to contact me, YOU WILL HAVE TO TYPE MY E-MAIL ADDRESS IN MANUALLY. (or do a COPY & PASTE)

My E-mail address is: “dworona@yahoo.com” without the quotes.