WEIGHT LOSS JOKES

Over 90,000 WEIGHT LOSS JOKES and growing fatter every day: a collection of 50-years plus compiled by DANIEL WORONA "Rara Avis." Plus-plus thousand's of ORIGINAL diet humor sayings, diet ditties, jokes and quotes by Daniel L. Worona "RaraAvis."
PLEASE NOTE:

DONE CHANGED MY MIND: As of February 29, 2008 I will continue to add DIET HUMOR to this Web site, however, I will not be posting the "PRIMO", or "THE BEST OF THE BEST" of my more than 50-year DIET HUMOR collection. I am saving the "CREME DE LA CREME" of my DIET HUMOR collection for when my DIET HUMOR collection is published in book form.
PLEASE HELP ME!!!
.....................................................................
PLEASE HELP ME TO FIND A PUBLISHER.

WEIGHT LOSS TIP
(from DIET HUMOR guru: Daniel Worona)

100 laughs a day is equal to 10 minutes of exercise!
How can it can get any easier than that?

WEIGHT LOSS JOKES

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

WEIGHT LOSS JOKES

FUNNY WEIGHT LOSS JOKES

LOST WEIGHT

Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit.

Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks.

"Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was 183."

Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"

WEIGHT LOSS & WEIGHT GAIN QUOTE

I started dieting. I dieted, dieted, dieted and tried all the diets and I would lose and then I would go back to normal eating and would put it on and then some.
-Suzanne Somers

Self-love is the only weight-loss aid that really works in the long run.
- Jenny Craig

WEIGHT LOSS JOKES

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
THE GARLIC DIET: You don't lose weight; you just look thinner from a distance.
I gave up jogging for my health reasons. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
CHOCOLATE WEIGHT LOSS With more than twelve billion catalogs being mailed annually, it's little wonder that marketers are distributing mailing lists anywhere possible.

In one particularly cruel move, the proprietors of a chocolate catalog purchased the mailing list of a weight-loss organization.

Chocolate sales rose almost immediately, but the weight-loss group wised up and now keeps it clients' names to itself.

THINSPIRATION

WEIGHT LOSS JOKES
FAT KID JOKE:
The Wall Street Journal reports this week that the candy industry is so worried about falling candy sales they are now adding caffeine to their candy. Well, that’s every parent’s worst nightmare — a fat kid who’s up all night.
BUMPER STICKER:
If guns kill people, a spoon made Rosie O’Donnell fat.
WEIGHT GAIN JOKE Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two...alone.

WEIGHT LOSS QUOTES

1. Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess the baggage, the shorter the trip.

2. The rest of the world lives to eat, while I eat to live.
Socrates

3. Take twice as long to eat half as much.

4. If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people. 5. Rule your mind or it will rule you.

DID YOU KNOW THAT NINETY-NINE POINT FIVE PERCENT (99.5%) OF MY DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IS NOT FOUND ON THE INTERNET!!! I HAVE A "GOLDMINE" OF DIET HUMOR AND DIET JOKES, HOWEVER, THE MAJORITY OF THIS COLLECTION (THE BEST OF THE BEST) WILL REMAIN "BURIED" UNTIL IT IS PROPERLY PUBLISHED IN BOOK FORM.

CAN YOU HELP ME FIND A LITERARY AGENT, PUBLISHER OR OFFER A SUGGESTION? IF SO, PLEASE E-MAIL ME. Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Why do I need a publisher?: Because... I COULDN'T SELL A LIFEBOAT ON THE TITANIC, however, I am the foremost DIET HUMOR collector in the world. My area of expertise is collecting DIET HUMOR, not publishing.
A big thanky, Daniel L. Worona
This is WEIGHT LOSS HUMOR. Please so not take it personally. If you do... you need to LIGHTEN UP!! (Get it?) --Daniel Worona "Rara Avis"

This is not a "mean" WEIGHT LOSS HUMOR Web site.

TO BELITTLE IS TO BE LITTLE.

NO WEIGHT LOSS PLAN IS GUARANTEED:
IF YOU WANT A GUARANTEE, BUY A TOASTER.
--CLINT EASTWOOD.
TRY THESE WEIGHT LOSS FOODS:

TWINKIES

Since Twinkies cannot technically be considered food (in a nuclear war, they will outlast even cockroaches), you’re welcome to eat as many of these as you want. They are also VERY valuable for appetite control. Don’t believe me? Eat a dozen of these colon-stoppers and see how your appetite is.

RICE KRISPIE SQUARES

Everybody knows Rice Krispies are made up almost entirely of air. So eating Rice Krispie squares is just like eating air. That thick layer of fudge on the top is just required to keep the squares from floating away. It’s a totally guilt-free snack. In fact, eat the whole pan and you’ll actually get LIGHTER because you’re eating so much air.
By Nick Nilsson