WEIGHT LOSS JOKES

FUNNY WEIGHT LOSS JOKES GALORE AND MORE!!!

LITERARY AGENT & PUBLISHER WANTED: a lifelong collection of more than 65-years compiled by DANIEL WORONA "Rara Avis." Plus-plus thousand's of ORIGINAL diet humor sayings, diet ditties, jokes and quotes by Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis."

I want to share this lifelong collection diet humor sayings with YOU.
(Please read on to find out how.)

I am saving the "CREME DE LA CREME" of my DIET HUMOR collection for when my DIET HUMOR collection is published in book form.

PLEASE HELP ME TO FIND A PUBLISHER.

Please check the bottom of this page for newer WEIGHT LOSS JOKES and the new study on the HEALTH BENEFITS OF BEING OVERWEIGHT.

BEAUTY TIP: A smile is the easiest way to improve your looks.

FUNNY WEIGHT LOSS TIP
(from DIET HUMOR guru: Daniel Worona)

100 laughs a day is equal to 10 minutes of exercise!
How can it can get any easier than that?

FUNNY WEIGHT LOSS ONE LINER:

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

Daniel Worona’s LAUGH IT OFF DIET: A compilation of thousands of DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES and growing fatter every day.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

WEIGHT LOSS JOKES

FUNNY WEIGHT LOSS JOKE:

LOST WEIGHT

Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit.

Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of slacks.

"Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was 183."

Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"

WEIGHT LOSS & WEIGHT GAIN QUOTE:

I started dieting. I dieted, dieted, dieted and tried all the diets and I would lose and then I would go back to normal eating and would put it on and then some.
-Suzanne Somers

Self-love is the only weight-loss aid that really works in the long run.
- Jenny Craig

WEIGHT LOSS JOKES

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
THE GARLIC DIET: You don't lose weight; you just look thinner from a distance.
I gave up jogging for my health reasons. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
CHOCOLATE WEIGHT LOSS With more than twelve billion catalogs being mailed annually, it's little wonder that marketers are distributing mailing lists anywhere possible.

In one particularly cruel move, the proprietors of a chocolate catalog purchased the mailing list of a weight-loss organization.

Chocolate sales rose almost immediately, but the weight-loss group wised up and now keeps it clients' names to itself.

THINSPIRATION

WEIGHT LOSS HUMOUR and JOKES

FAT KID JOKE:

The Wall Street Journal reports this week that the candy industry is so worried about falling candy sales they are now adding caffeine to their candy. Well, that’s every parent’s worst nightmare — a fat kid who’s up all night.

HILARIOUS BUMPER STICKER:

If guns kill people, a spoon made Rosie O’Donnell fat.

WEIGHT GAIN JOKE: Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two...alone.

THE GOLFER’S DIET JOKE:

"A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible."

BLESSED ARE YE DIET:

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets."

DIET GLOOMER JOKE: A GLOOMY JOKE...

"Food has replaced sex in my life; now, I can't even get into my own pants."

PEP PILLS JOKE :

"I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster."

— Joe E. Lewis

SHAPE JOKES:

CHATTY FATTY PATTY DIET :

"Rich, fatty foods are like destiny: they too, shape our ends."

OLD AGE JOKE

"The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends."

BATHROOM SCALE JOKE :

"In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips, and chains. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale."

WEIGHT LOSS JOKE: POOR LOSERS...

"Many a person who goes on a diet finds out in short order that they are poor losers."

BULIMIC JOKE :

"I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge."

— Paula Poundstone

THE STRESS DIET JOKE:

"'Stressed' spelled backwards is 'desserts.' Coincidence? I think not!"

FREE DIET JOKES:

"Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good."

NO WORRIES DIET JOKE:

"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number of carats in a diamond."

— Mae West

THE WORRY DIET: WORRY OFF THE CALORIES.

WEIGHT LOSS PUN:

Successful dieters might win the Nobelly prize.

SLIMMING PUNS:

Some people don't like food going to waist.

CHILHOOD OBESITY PUNS:

Childhood obesity is a growing problem.

WORIGINAL ORIGINAL by DANIEL L. WORONA

WEIGHT LOSS SLOGANS:

Eat wise, drop a size.

Eat right and the pants won't be tight.

Give up the fat, watch your belly go flat.

WEIGHT LOSS QUOTES:

1. Your body is the baggage you must carry through life. The more excess the baggage, the shorter the trip.

2. The rest of the world lives to eat, while I eat to live.
Socrates

3. Take twice as long to eat half as much.

4. If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.

5. Rule your mind or it will rule you.

DID YOU KNOW THAT NINETY-NINE POINT FIVE PERCENT (99.5%) OF MY DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IS NOT FOUND ON THE INTERNET!!! I HAVE A "GOLDMINE" OF DIET HUMOR AND DIET JOKES, HOWEVER, THE MAJORITY OF THIS COLLECTION (THE BEST OF THE BEST) WILL REMAIN "BURIED" UNTIL IT IS PROPERLY PUBLISHED IN BOOK FORM.

THINGS CHANGE. THIS STATEMENT NEEDS TO BE UPDATED.

I HAVE BEEN ONLINE SINCE THE 1990s.

I HAVE THE FATTEST DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IN THE UNIVERSE.

This is WEIGHT LOSS HUMOR. Please so not take it personally. If you do... you need to LIGHTEN UP!! (Get it?)

--Daniel Worona "Rara Avis"

(PLEASE NOTE: My name is not Author Anonymous.)

This is not a "mean" WEIGHT LOSS HUMOR Web site.

TO BELITTLE IS TO BE LITTLE.

NO WEIGHT LOSS PLAN IS GUARANTEED:

IF YOU WANT A GUARANTEE, BUY A TOASTER.

--CLINT EASTWOOD.

TRY THESE WEIGHT LOSS FOODS:

TWINKIES

Since Twinkies cannot technically be considered food (in a nuclear war, they will outlast even cockroaches), you’re welcome to eat as many of these as you want. They are also VERY valuable for appetite control. Don’t believe me? Eat a dozen of these colon-stoppers and see how your appetite is.

RICE KRISPIE SQUARES

Everybody knows Rice Krispies are made up almost entirely of air. So eating Rice Krispie squares is just like eating air. That thick layer of fudge on the top is just required to keep the squares from floating away. It’s a totally guilt-free snack. In fact, eat the whole pan and you’ll actually get LIGHTER because you’re eating so much air.
By Nick Nilsson

HEALTH BENEFITS OF BEING OVERWEIGHT A new report suggests that being overweight is not as harmful as is commonly believed, and actually confers some surprising benefits.

Being five to ten pounds overweight could protect people from ailments ranging from tuberculosis to Alzheimer's disease, research indicates. Those carrying 15 to 25 extra pounds are better able to recover from adverse conditions such as emphysema, pneumonia, and various injuries and infections, states the report.

Thirty to forty pounds of flab could help fend off breast, kidney, pancreatic, prostate, and colon cancer. And an extra fifty pounds on the scale may improve eyesight, reverse baldness, cure the common cold, and reduce global warming.

In general, the report concludes, overweight people are happier, more successful in business, smarter, and friendlier.

The study was funded by a research grant from McDonald's, Burger King, Jack in the Box, Taco Bell, Domino's Pizza, Starbucks, Haagen Dazs, Sara Lee, and Krispy Kreme.

BEAUTY TIP:A smile is the easiest way to improve your looks.

EAT LIKE A PIG AND YOU WILL LOOK LIKE ONE.
Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona

EAT DOUGH, LOOK LIKE DOUGH.

Send me a FUNNY WEIGHT LOSS JOKE and you will lose weight right-a-way.
Don't believe me? Try it!!!

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

Please include the words "DIET HUMOR"or "WEIGHT LOSS JOKE" in the Subject line, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Copyright: by Daniel L. Worona "Rare Bird" Daniel Worona’s LAUGH IT OFF DIET: A compilation of thousands and thousands of DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES and growing fatter every day.

DIET HUMOR, DIET GURU AND WELLNESS EXPERT DANIEL L. WORONA

Experience: Daniel Worona "RARA AVIS" ("Rare Bird") is a diet guru and fitness expert. He is a retired physical education teacher and personal trainer (They didn't call him DAN DAN THE MUSCLE MAN for nothing). His parents were both "health nuts" and taught him well... wellness. Needless to say, he is a published author, wordsmith, linguist and humorist.

He is looking for a literary agent and major publisher for his collection of umpteen thousand DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

He has "searched the world" for more than 65-years for diet humor / humour, diet ditties, diet limericks, weight-loss humor, fat humour and diet slang. Daniel Worona has thousand's of original and unpublished diet humor sayings, diet cartoons, and diet word plays. NO ONE CAN EVEN COME CLOSE TO DULICATING THIS NONESUCH DIET HUMOR COLLECTION.
This is the FATTEST and best diet humor / humour collection in the world!!!

WORST-CASE SCENARIO:

DIET HUMOR WEBSITE: danworona.50megs.com

If for some reason my lifelong collection of DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES is never published, it will probably end up in a trash can.

Who loses? Not me! YOU DO!!! BIG-TIME!!!

Why? Because I have had a ton of fun and a ton of laughs collecting it.

Would you like to enjoy my DIET HUMOR sayings collection?

You will when I am published!!!

LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis"

This is a 65-year plus collection and compilation of thousands and thousands of DIET HUMOR sayings.

IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!

ONLINE SINCE THE 1990s.

[Get real, Glockenspiel.]

NUTRITION JOKE:

The Nutritionist, Dermatologist and Orthopedist merged their practices into one. They call it skin and bones.

[Take Care, Polar Bear.]

FAT KID DIET JOKE:

FAT KID: I know I can have 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?

THIS IS A HOBBY DIET HUMOR WEBSITE.

YOU ARE SAFE. I AM NOT SELLING ANYTHING.

My E-mail address is: dworona@yahoo.com

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me.

PLEASE NOTE: My YAHOO E-MAIL ADDRESS is 100% SECURE.

The connection to the YAHOO server is encrypted.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

RE: E-MAILING DAN WORONA.

PLEASE BE ADVISED: My website E-mail link (50MEGS server) is broken.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

If you want to contact me, YOU WILL HAVE TO TYPE MY E-MAIL ADDRESS IN MANUALLY. (or do a COPY & PASTE)

My E-mail address is: “dworona@yahoo.com” without the quotes.

FUNNY WEIGHT LOSS TIPS:

You can’t lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut.

Woriginal original by DAN WORONA

Even though tobacco is a green, leafy plant, a cigarette does not count as a salad.

When eating donuts, only eat the center part.

A GOLFER'S DIET: live on greens as much as possible.

Pinterest: the only place where you can save weight loss tips and how to make chocolate covered French bread pizza without shame.

MOST PEOPLE AREN'T SMART ENOUGH TO READ ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM OF MY DIET HUMOR WEBPAGES.

BUT YOU JUST DID.

CONGRATULATIONS!

HOW YOU CAN HELP ME:

PLEASE ADD A HOT (ACTIVE) LINK TO MY DIET HUMOR & CHOCOLATE WEBSITE ON YOUR BLOG, WEBSITE, or SOCIAL MEDIA.

THANK YOU!

DAN WORONA