CHOCOLATE HUMOR

Home Page | DIET HUMOR | DIET JOKES | MISC. DIET HUMOR | CHOCOLATE HUMOR | DIET DROPOUT HUMOR | DIET PUNS | DIET BALONEY | DIET RIOT | DIET HUMOR SOS | DIET QUOTES | WEIGHT LOSS JOKES | DIET "WOR" | Favorite Links Page | OBESITY HUMOR & OBESITY JOKES | FAT JOKES |  ELVIS HUMOR | WEIGHT WATCHERS JOKES | NEW DIET JOKES | YOU'RE #1! | HANK WILLIAMS HUMOR | WHATEVER!  | WORIGINAL

CHOCOLATE JOKES AND QUOTES GALORE AND MORE!!!

 

FUNNY CHOCOLATE HUMOR & FUNNY CHOCOLATE JOKES & FUNNY CHOCOLATE QUOTES:

WELCOME TO THE WORLD’S FATTEST DIET HUMOR AND CHOCOLATE HUMOR COLLECTION

It is a lifelong collection of more than 65 years. I have collected thousands and thousands of diet jokes and other humor related to dieting, weight loss, food and fitness. I am a former physical education teacher and I know whereof what I speak.

A PEERLESS DIET HUMOR COLLECTION compiled by DANIEL L. WORONA

(PEERLESS: without equal; unrivaled.)



Daniel Worona’s LAUGH IT OFF DIET: IT WORKS!

PLEASE BE ADVISED: Only smart, good-looking people will enjoy this DIET HUMOR, DIET JOKES and CHOCOLATE HUMOR website.

YOU ARE HERE! So that means YOU ARE SMART!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

MORE GOOD NEWS: After you have laughed off thousands and thousands of calories and laughed off 10 or 20 pounds reading my 23 webpages of DIET HUMOR and CHOCOLATE HUMOR, you’ll be LOOKING-GOOD and GOOD-LOOKING, too.





CHOCOLATE ALERT!

The following CHOCOLATE SAYINGS, CHOCOLATE JOKES, and CHOCOLATE QUOTES have been ripped off from me right and left for years.

Either give me credit, or don't use them!!!


CHOCOLATE: HERE TODAY... GONE TODAY!

--WORIGINAL ORIGINAL by Daniel L. Worona

(aka SR. COCOA LOCO, Daniella "Cocoa Chanel", "Cocoa Chanelle")


Q: HOW MANY CALORIES ARE THERE IN A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE?

A: WHO CARES?

--Daniella "Cocoa Chanel" aka "Cocoa Chanelle"

WORIGINAL ORIGINAL by  Daniel L, Worona



CHOCOLATE MILK: THE POOR MAN'S CHAMPAGNE.

-Woriginal original by diet specialist Daniel Worona (aka SR. COCOA LOCO)

"Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!!



 ROMANCE: THE FIRST KISS!!!

DESCRIBE YOUR FIRST KISS.

IT WAS A CHOCOLATE KISS. (I was only five years old for Pete's sake!)

-Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona  "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird").



ELVIS PRESLEY HUMOR:

ELVIS' FAMOUS LAST WORDS: She won't mind if I take the last piece of chocolate.

-Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona  "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird").

Yes, friends, ELVIS was a chocolate lover. How do you think he got so fat?!



CHOCOLATE PUN: CHOCOLATE IS FATTEST-THIGHING.

--WORIGINAL ORIGINAL by Daniel Worona



This is a collection of DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET JOKES, CHOCOLATE HUMOR / HUMOUR, CHOCOLATE JOKES, CHOCOLATE PUNS, and CHOCOLATE QUOTES: a 65-year plus lifelong collection compiled by DANIEL WORONA "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird").

 Plus-plus thousand's of ORIGINAL diet and chocolate sayings by Daniel Worona (most of which has never been published).


This has been THE NUMBER ONE (#1) DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKE website in the world for twenty consecutive (20) years.


I want to share this lifelong collection of diet humor sayings with YOU. (Please read on to find out how.)


IF YOU CAN READ THIS... THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY!!!


CHOCOHOLIC by Mary Doerr

***************************

 

CHOCOHOLIC, CHOCOHOLIC

 

2X4

*

I CAN'T SQUEEZE THROUGH

THE KITCHEN DOOR.

*

I CAN'T EAT JUST ONE PIECE

 

I ALWAYS WANT MORE.

*

I CAN'T SEE MY FEET

 

I CAN'T SEE THE FLOOR.
*

THERE'S NOT ENOUGH GAS

 

TO GET ME TO THE STORE.
*

EEEEEEEEEK!!!

 

I'M A CHOCOLATE FREAK!!!

*

by MARY DOERR



HUNGRY FOR SOME CHOCOLATE HUMOR?

 

FUNNY CHOCOLATE ONE LINERS: 

 

1. WHEN NO ONE UNDERSTANDS YOU, CHOCOLATE IS THERE.
--SR.
COCOA LOCO (aka Daniel Worona)


2. SEVEN DAYS WITHOUT CHOCOLATE MAKES ONE WEAK.

 


3. I AM NOT OVERWEIGHT. I AM CHOCOLATE-ENRICHED.

 


4. EINSTEIN WAS EATING CHOCOLATE WHEN HE CAME UPON THE THEORY OF RELATIVITY.
--Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"

 


5. THE 12-STEP CHOCOHOLICS PROGRAM: NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE!

 


6. LIFE WITHOUT CHOCOLATE IS NO LIFE AT ALL.

 


7. I WANT IT ALL!!! AND I WANT IT SMOTHERED IN WHIPPED CREAM AND CHOCOLATE.

 


8. CHOCOLATE IS CHEAPER THAN THERAPY, AND YOU DON'T NEED AN APPOINTMENT.

 


9. THERE IS NOTHING BETTER THAN A GOOD FRIEND, EXCEPT A GOOD FRIEND WITH CHOCOLATE.

 


10. CHOCOLATE DOESN'T MAKE THE WORLD GO AROUND. BUT IT CERTAINLY MAKES THE TRIP WORTHWHILE.

 


11. AND ON THE EIGHTH DAY GOD CREATED CHOCOLATE.

 

12. IN HEAVEN, CHOCOLATE HAS NO CALORIES AND IS SERVED AS THE MAIN COURSE.

13. THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE CHOCOLATE.


14. Q. HOW MANY CALORIES ARE THERE IN A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE?
A. WHO CARES?
--Daniella "Cocoa Chanel" aka "Cocoa Chanelle" 
(Copyright Daniel Worona)


15. SO MUCH CHOCOLATE. SO LITTLE TIME!


16. IF THERE IS NO CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I'M NOT GOING!


17. I ONLY EAT CHOCOLATE FOR YOU, SO THERE WILL BE MORE OF ME TO LOVE.


18. DO NOT DISTURB: CHOCOLATE FANTASY IN PROGRESS.


19. THE BEST OVER-THE-COUNTER PRESCRIPTION TO PERK YOU UP IS CHOCOLATE.


20. DON'T SEND ME ROSES, UNLESS THEY ARE CHOCOLATE!


21. THERE ARE TWO FOOD GROUPS: CHOCOLATE AND FRUIT. AND IF IT IS FRUIT, IT SHOULD BE DIPPED IN CHOCOLATE.


22. THERE IS NO CHOCOLATE'S ANONYMOUS BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO QUIT.


23. WHO SAYS CHOCOLATE ISN'T A FOOD GROUP!!


24. ONE OF LIFE'S MYSTERIES IS HOW A TWO-POUND BOX OF CANDY CAN MAKE A PERSON GAIN FIVE POUNDS.


25. TAKE ANOTHER DEEP BREATH, AND DO WITHOUT THAT CHOCOLATE CAKE!  NOT!


26. SAVE EARTH. IT'S THE ONLY PLANET WITH CHOCOLATE.  -Sr.
COCOA LOCA, Mr. Cocoa Channel


27. IN THE COOKIES OF LIFE, FRIENDS ARE THE CHOCOLATE CHIPS.


28. LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES. . . FULL OF NUTS.


29. THOSE CALORIE-FREE SWEETS TASTE GREAT DIPPED IN CHOCOLATE!


30. CHOCOLATE COMES WITH ITS PRICE. . . CONTROL-TOP HOSE.


31. WHAT CAME FIRST, WOMAN OR THE CHOCOLATE BAR?


32. CHOCOLATE. . . IT ISN'T JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE.


33. (THIS SPACE RESERVED FOR THE FUNNY CHOCOLATE SAYING YOU ARE GOING TO E-MAIL TO ME.)


[My e-mail address can be found at the bottom of each webpage.]



 

34. I WOULD GIVE UP CHOCOLATE, BUT I'M NO QUITTER.

 


35. MILK CHOCOLATE IS A DAIRY PRODUCT.

 


36. IF GOD HAD MEANT US TO BE THIN, HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED CHOCOLATE.

 


37. IF I EVER NEED RELIGION, I'LL WORSHIP CHOCOLATE CAKE.

 


38. IF IT AIN'T CHOCOLATE, IT AIN'T BREAKFAST!

39. THERE'S NOTHING BETTER THAN A GOOD FRIEND, EXCEPT A GOOD FRIEND WITH CHOCOLATE

40. CHOCOLATE: HERE TODAY... GONE TODAY!
--Daniel Worona
(aka SR. COCOA LOCO, Daniella "Cocoa Chanel", "Cocoa Chanelle")

 


41. MAN CANNOT LIVE BY CHOCOLATE ALONE, BUT IT SURE IS FUN TRYING.

 


42. CHOCOLATE MILK: THE POOR MAN'S CHAMPAGNE.
-Woriginal original by diet specialist Daniel Worona (aka SR. COCOA LOCO)


("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!! Don't be a FATHEAD!!!)

 

43. FLOWERS WILT, JEWELRY TARNISHES, AND CANDLES BURN OUT...BUT CHOCOLATE DOESN'T HANG AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO GET OLD.

 


44. BEWARE OF CHOCOLATE SQUARES!:

A: SQUARE SWEETS MAKE YOU ROUND.
--Daniel Worona (aka  SR. COCOA LOCO)

 

B: SQUARE SWEETS MAKE BIG SEATS.  --Daniel Worona


Do you have a CHOCOLATE SAYING you would like to share?
IF SO, PLEASE E-MAIL ME:

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.

 

Please include the words CHOCOLATE HUMOR in the Subject line, ortherwise it will be deleted and unread.



45. ROMANCE: THE FIRST KISS!!!

DESCRIBE YOUR FIRST KISS.

IT WAS A CHOCOLATE KISS. (I was only five years old for Pete's sake!)

-Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona

("Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!!)

Copyright by Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird").



 


CHOCOLATE JOKES GALORE AND MORE!!!

MY INIMITABLE DIET HUMOR, DIET JOKE, CHOCOLATE HUMOR AND CHOCOLATE JOKE COLLECTION IS SECOND TO NONE.

MY GUARANTEE: NO ONE IN THE WORLD CAN COME EVEN CLOSE TO DUPLICATING IT!!!
IT CONTAINS UMPTEEN THOUSAND DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET JOKES, CHOCOLATE HUMOR / HUMOUR AND CHOCOLATE JOKES. NO ONE, MYSELF INCLUDED, CAN MATCH IT! IF I HAD TO START FROM SCRATCH TOMORROW, I COULD NOT DUPLICATE THIS INIMITABLE COLLETION.

THIS COLLECTION INCLUDES THOUSAND'S OF ORIGINAL DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET WORD PLAYS AND DIET JOKES BY DANIEL WORONA.

Please note: The majority of my original material has never been published.


A PEERLESS DIET HUMOR COLLECTION compiled by DANIEL L. WORONA

(PEERLESS: without equal; unrivaled.)

 

SAYS WHO?

SAYS DIET HUMORIST, DIET GURU, OBESITY GURU, AND WELLNESS EXPERT DANIEL L. WORONA 

Experience: Daniel Worona "RARA AVIS" ("Rare Bird") is a diet specialist and fitness expert. He is a retired physical education teacher and personal trainer (They didn't call him DAN DAN THE MUSCLE MAN for nothing). His parents were both "health nuts" and taught him well... wellness. Needless to say, he is a published author, wordsmith, linguist and humorist.

He is looking for a literary agent and major publisher for his collection of thousands and thousands of DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES.

E-MAIL: You may contact me at: dworona@yahoo.com
(Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail.)

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.



 WORD OF MOUTH: Please tell your friends about my DIET HUMOR, DIET JOKES, and CHOCOLATE HUMOR Web site.

PLEASE E-MAIL ME YOUR COMMENTS, SUGGESTIONS AND DIET AND CHOCOLATE JOKES: dworona@yahoo.com 

A BIG THANKY FROM Daniel Worona "Rara Avis"


T-shirt: EMERGENCY ALERT: If wearer of this shirt is found vacant, listless, or depressed...
ADMINISTER CHOCOLATE IMMEDIATELY.


1. Exercise is a dirty word... Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

2. "Las cosas claras y el chocolate espeso." (Ideas should be clear and chocolate thick.) Spanish proverb

3. Nuts just take up space where chocolate ought to be.

4. I don't understand why so many "so called" chocolate lovers complain about the calories in chocolate, when all true chocoholics know that it is a vegetable. It comes from the cocoa bean, beans are veggies, 'nuff said.

5. Humor button: PUT THE CHOCOLATE IN THE BAG AND NOBODY GETS HURT.

6. A day without chocolate is a day without sunshine.

7. Life without chocolate is like a beach without water.

8. Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get.  Forrest Gump in "Forrest Gump" (1994)

9. In the beginning, the Lord created chocolate, and he saw that it was good. Then he separated the light from the dark, and it was better.

10. CHOCOLATE: THE BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS!

11. If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top hose. An entire garment industry would be devasated.

12. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

13.Chocolate doesn't make the world go around ... but it certainly makes the ride worthwhile!

 
14. MONEY TALKS. CHOCOLATE SINGS.


15. IF GOD HAD MEANT US TO BE THIN, HE WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED CHOCOLATE.


16. IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, HAVE A CHOCOLATE.


17. CHOCOLATE: IT'S NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE.


18. QUILTING IS MY PASSION, BUT CHOCOLATE COMES IN A CLOSE SECOND.


19. CHOCOLATE BARS ARE BETTER THAN GOLD BARS.


20. WHAT CAME FIRST, THE WOMAN OR THE CHOCOLATE SHOP?


21. MAN CANNOT LIVE ON CHOCOLATE ALONE; BUT WOMEN SURE CAN. 

22. YIELD NOT TO CHOCOLATE TEMPTATION  
Chocolate Sensation,
Sweet Temptation.
Resistance is vain,
Causes such pain.
Eat the lot,
Temptation gone.
-Daniel L. Worona (version)


M&M CHOCOLATE CANDIES & CHOCOLATE CANDY JOKES:
(Love them peanut M&M's and Reese's Pieces):

1. How do you know when some bozo has been making chocolate chip cookies?
You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor..

 
2. CHOCOLATE CANDY BARS

Chocolate is a vegetable.
Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans.
Bean = vegetable
Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets.
Both of them are plants, in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy.
So candy bars are a health food.


ELVIS PRESLEY HUMOR:

ELVIS' FAMOUS LAST WORDS:

She won't mind if I take the last piece of chocolate.


 


CHOCOLATE NUTrition advice:

EAT A SQUARE MEAL A DAY; EAT A BOX OF CHOCOLATE COVERED NUTS. --Daniel Worona 

DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE, DOUBLE YOUR FUN, EAT TWO BOXES OF CHOCOLATE INSTEAD OF JUST ONE. (And you'll probably double your weight, too.)
Woriginal quote by  --Daniel L. Worona

THERE ARE FOUR BASIC FOOD GROUPS: MILK CHOCOLATE, DARK CHOCOLATE, WHITE CHOCOLATE, AND CHOCOLATE TRUFFLES.
--Daniel "WOR" Worona

DIGITAL CHOCOLATE IS CALORIE-FREE, TASTE-FREE AND FUN-FREE. (Give me the REAL DEAL!) --Daniel Worona

IF IT AIN'T CHOCOLATE, IT AIN'T BREAKFAST!  

A LITTLE TOO MUCH CHOCOLATE IS JUST ABOUT RIGHT.

 

If you steal (er- I mean borrow) these quotes, at least have the decency to give Daniel L. Worona his due credit. 
WORIGINAL QUOTES BY DANIEL L. WORONA



I want to share this lifelong collection of DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES with YOU. (Please read on to find out how.)

This has been the NUMBER ONE (#1) DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKE website in the world for nearly twenty years (20 years).

Daniel Worona’s LAUGH IT OFF DIET: A lifelong compilation of oodles of DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET JOKES, OBESITY HUMOUR, FAT HUMOUR and growing fatter every day.


FUNNY BOOK TITLES:

THE CHOCOLATE BAR by KEN I. HAVESUM




CHOCOLATE: HERE TODAY...GONE TODAY!

1. THERE'S A THIN PERSON INSIDE OF ME SCREAMING TO GET OUT, BUT I KEEP HER SEDATED WITH CHOCOLATE.

2. CHOCOLATE JOKE: Plump lady to the waitress: "I would like to have DEATH BY CHOCOLATE for dessert, but only enough to put me in critical condition.

3. I MUST BE ALLERGIC TO CHOCOLATE. EVERY TIME I EAT IT, I BREAK OUT IN FAT ALL OVER.  --Daniel Worona

4. Chocolate joke: YOU KNOW YOUR DIET IS IN TROUBLE WHEN YOU COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS AND CHOCOLATE IS ALWAYS THE FIRST ONE. --Daniel Worona

5. CHOCOLATE IS MY KRYPTONITE. --Daniel Worona.



 



6. NOBODY KNOWS THE TRUFFLES I'VE SEEN.

7. CHOCOLATE PUN: CHOCOLATE IS FATTEST-THIGHING.
--Daniel Worona

8. Bumper sticker:  IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING. 


LET'S CHOCOLATE OUR BLUES AWAY!

9. FIRST YOU CONSUME CHOCOLATE, THEN CHOCOLATE CONSUMES YOU.

10. CHOCOLATE IS A NATURAL WONDER DRUG.

11. REMEMBER: DIETING IS NO PIECE OF (CHOCOLATE) CAKE.

12. CHOCOLATE TONGUE TWISTER: A CHEEKY CHIMP CHUCKED CHEAP CHOCOLATE CHIPS IN THE CHEAP CHOCOLATE CHIP SHOP.



 


I need YOUR help!!!

 

 

"WOR" GOES TO WAR OVER DIET HUMOR!!!

 

  

DECLARATION OF "WOR"
By Daniel "Wor" Worona

 

 

Sad but true: I will continue to add DIET & CHOCOLATE HUMOR to this Web site, but I will no longer be adding the "best of the best" DIET HUMOR or CHOCOLATE HUMOR to this Web site until my full DIET HUMOR and CHOCOLATE HUMOR collection is properly published in book form. I am tired of having my material "ripped off."

At this point it is ME against the world. I do not have any connections in the publishing industry (or anywhere else for that matter). 

 

 

If you can help me to get published or offer a suggestion, please e-mail me. My e-mail address can be found at the bottom of each webpage. 


Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.
 

NOTE: Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me. 

Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis"



COPYRIGHT  Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird").
 
(Online since: June 7, 1999.)




THERE IS NO CHOCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO QUIT.

Dear Friends, 

I am an ethnologist, and have enjoyed more than fifty years of collecting humor (both in English and Spanish), and now I want to share my inimitable collections with the world. Can you help me find a literary agent and/or publisher?


WORD OF MOUTH: Please tell your friends about this DIET HUMOR and CHOCOLATE HUMOR Web site.


Daniel Worona’s LAUGH IT OFF DIET: A lifelong compilation of oodles and oodles of DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES and growing fatter every day.


PUBLISHERS, LITERARY AGENTS, TELEVISION, MAGAZINES AND NEWSPAPERS: please e-mail me for more detailed information.
 
 
OBJECTIVE: I want to publish my inimitable collection so that everyone may enjoy it.
(That means Y-O-U!!!)

 

I am seeking a literary agent and a major publisher who will do justice to my DIET HUMOR, DIET LAUGHS and DIET JOKES collection.



DIET HUMOR, DIET GURU, OBESITY EXPERT, AND WELLNESS EXPERT DANIEL L. WORONA 

Experience: Daniel Worona "RARA AVIS" ("Rare Bird") is a diet guru and fitness expert. He is a retired physical education teacher and personal trainer (They didn't call him DAN DAN THE MUSCLE MAN for nothing). His parents were both "health nuts" and taught him well... wellness. Needless to say, he is a published author, wordsmith, linguist and humorist (joke writer).

Why do I need a publisher?: Because... I COULDN'T SELL A LIFEBOAT ON THE TITANIC, however, I am the foremost DIET HUMOR collector in the world.

My area of expertise is collecting DIET HUMOR, not publishing. And, besides, IF I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING, I'D BE DANGEROUS!!!

Thank you, Daniel Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird").          


ROMANCE: THE FIRST KISS!!! by Daniel L. Worona

HOT STUFF!!!!     DON'T READ THIS!!!

DANIEL WORONA TELLS ALL!!!

DESCRIBE YOUR FIRST KISS.

IT WAS A CHOCOLATE KISS. (I was only five years old for Pete's sake!)

Copyright 1949 by Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird").


CHOCOLATE QUIPS AND QUOTES:

And Above All Think Chocolate! -"Betty Crocker"

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy and you don’t need an appointment. -Anonymous



STRESS HUMOR:

Stress wouldn’t be so hard to take if it were chocolate covered.
-Anonymous



MONDAYS JOKE:

Chocolate is nature’s way of making up for Mondays.
-Anonymous



 

CHOCOLATE CHEMISTRY JOKE:

Biochemically, love is just like eating large amounts of chocolate.

-John Milton, The Devils Advocate



There’s more to life than chocolate, but not right now.
-Anonymous



Other things are just food. But chocolate’s chocolate.

-Writer Patrick Skene Catling



 

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. 

-Forrest Gump



Chocolate makes everyone smile-even bankers.

-Chocolatier Benneville Strohecker



 

Chocolate makes everyone smile-even bankers.
-Chocolatier Benneville Strohecker




 

If any of the above chocolate sayings, jokes, puns,  quotes, chocolate recipes or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit.


COPYRIGHT by DANIEL L. WORONA

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.


DIET HUMOR SAYINGS and DIET JOKES: a collection of 65-plus years compiled by DANIEL WORONA "Rara Avis." Plus-plus mucho many of ORIGINAL diet humor sayings, jokes and quotes by Daniel L. Worona (most of which has never been published).


IMAGE CREDITS AND DISCLAIMER: If any of the images or sayings on this Web site are in violation of copyright, I will remove them immediately or give the proper credit. 



Please note: NINETY-NINE POINT FIVE PERCENT (99.5%) OF DANIEL L. WORONA’S DIET HUMOR COLLECTION IS NOT FOUND ON THE INTERNET!!! 

No one can even come close to duplicating Daniel L. Worona’s 65-year plus DIET HUMOR & CHOCOLATE collection.

More than mucho many DIET HUMOR & CHOCOLATE sayings and growing fatter every day!!!

It is a ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!!!



IT'S ALL-OUT "WOR"!!!

DECLARATION OF "WOR"!!!
By Daniel "Wor" Worona

My DIET HUMOR or CHOCOLATE HUMOR, a collection of more than thousands and thousands diet and chocolate sayings, will be properly published in book form someday.

DONE CHANGED MY MIND: As of February 29, 2008 I will continue to add DIET HUMOR to this Web site, however, I will not be posting the "PRIMO",  or "THE BEST OF THE BEST" of my more than 65-year DIET HUMOR collection. I am saving the "CREME DE LA CREME" of my DIET HUMOR collection for when my DIET HUMOR collection is published in book form. PLEASE HELP ME TO FIND A PUBLISHER.


CHOCOLATE

Chocolate is what I love to eat

The taste of it just can't be beat.

I'd rather eat chocolate

Than a piece of meat!

By Mary Doerr

&&&&&&&&&&&

One for the money
And two for the show
Give me some chocolate

And go cat go!


By funny lady: Mary Doerr



CHOCOLATE JOKES GALORE AND MORE!!!:

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.



BETCHA LAUGH CHOCOLATE JOKE:

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.



CHOCOLATE SAYING:

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way at least you'll get one thing done.



AN A+ CHOCOLATE JOKE:

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?


CHOCOLATE JOKE:


HOW TO BE IRRESISTIBLE TO WOMEN:

A man found a bottle on the beach. He opened it and out popped a genie, who gave the man three wishes. The man wished for a million dollars, and poof! There was a million dollars. Then he wished for a convertible, and poof! There was a convertible. And then, he wished he could be irresistible to all women… Poof! He turned into a box of chocolates.



A+ CHOCOLATE JOKE:

You know you’re a chocoholic if the bartender tells you you’ve had enough shots of chocolate syrup for one night.



CHOCOLATE JOKE:

Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean is a vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category too. Therefore chocolate is a vegetable.



A BALANCED DIET JOKE:

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?



OH SAY CAN YOU SEE?


Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now there’s only one. Why?

Fred: I don’t know. It must have been so dark I didn’t see the other one.



CHOCOLATE IS A HEALTH FOOD…

Chocolate also contains milk which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.



WHY DON'T THEY MAKE WHITE M&M'S? 

Q: Why don’t they make white M&M’s?

A: Because they’d enslave the black M&M’s, steal all the red M&Ms’ land, hunt the blue M&M’s to extinction, accuse the yellow M&M’s of obstructing trade, start a panic that the little green M&M’s were invading the Earth, and complain that the brown M&M’s were taking all their jobs.



 EVEN CANNIBALS LOVE CHOCOLATE... DUH!!! 

Q: What do cannibals eat for dessert?

A: Chocolate covered aunts.



DEATH BY CHOCOLATE JOKE:

 Plump lady to the waitress: I’d like Death by Chocolate for dessert, but only enough to put me in critical condition.



A CHOCOLATE GIGGLE:

Q: Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?

A: Because no one wants to quit.



BETCHA LAUGH CHOCOLATE JOKE:


An old man and a young man worked in office next to each other. The young man noticed that the older man always had a jar of peanuts on his desk. The young man loved peanuts.

One day while the older man was away from his desk, the young man couldn’t resist and went to the old man’s jar and ate over half the peanuts. When the old man returned, the young man felt guilty and confessed to taking the peanuts.

The old man responded, “That’s ok. Since I lost my teeth all I can do is lick the chocolate off the M&Ms.”



 THE DYING MAN ON HIS DEAT BED AND CHOCOLATE COOKIES JOKE:

 An elderly man lay dying in his bed.

 In death’s agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.

 Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. He slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and, with even greater effort, forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door, gazing into the kitchen.

 Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out on the kitchen table, were hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

 Mustering one final effort, he threw himself toward the table. His aged and withered hand painstakingly made its way toward a cookie when it was suddenly smacked by a spatula.

 “Stay out of those,” said his wife, “they’re for the funeral.”



YOU KNOW YOU’RE A CHOCOHOLIC IF…

You know you’re a chocoholic if, when the leaves change in the fall, you start gathering Almond Joy candy bars for the coming winter.



CANDY BAR JOKE:

Did you hear about the affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.



M & M JOKE:

 Q: How do you confuse a complete idiot?

A: Ask him to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.



M & M JOKE:

Q: How do you know when a complete idiot has been making chocolate chip cookies?

A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.



M & M JOKE:

Q: Why do complete idiots hate M&Ms?

A: They’re too hard to peel.



M & M JOKE:

Q: Why did the complete idiot get fired from the M&M factory?

A: He threw out the W’s.



M & M JOKE

Q: What job function does a complete idiot have in an M&M factory?

A: Proofreading.



CHOCOLATE JOKEROO:

If you can't eat all of your chocolate it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?



I LOVE CHOCOLATE TOO MUCH,

NOW MY TOES I CANNOT TOUCH.

Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona "Rare Bird" July 1, 2008



At this point it is ME against the world. If you can help me to get published or offer a suggestion, please e-mail me.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.



COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: If any of these diet humor sayings and/or images are in breach of copyright, I will willingly remove them and/or give proper credit.


COPYRIGHT by Daniel L. Worona "Rara Avis" (I made up my first diet / chocolate joke when I was only 5 years old.)
 
(Online since: June 7, 1999.)


NOTICE OF COPYRIGHT:

If you borrow from this DIET HUMOR Web site, at least have the decency to give DANIEL L. WORONA his due credit.

You may borrow up to a maximum of fifteen (15) sayings from Daniel L. Worona’s DIET HUMOR Web site for your Web site PROVIDED you attach an active link back to this Web site: (danworona.50megs.com).


WARNING: If you steal Daniel Worona's DIET HUMOR material, you will be hexed with a BIG FAT CURSE!!!


THANK YOU VERY MUCH: I thank all the kind people out there in cyberspace who have been giving me credit when when they use material from this DIET HUMOR Web site.

Daniel Worona


WARNING!!!: For those who continue to steal from this DIET HUMOR Web site without giving Daniel Worona proper credit, you will be bombarded with CALORIES and FAT BOMBS.


BAD KARMA WILL GET YA!!! 

(JUST YOU "WEIGHT"!!!)



WORST-CASE SCENARIO:

DIET HUMOR AND CHOCOLAT HUMOR WEBSITE: danworona.50megs.com  

If for some reason my lifelong collection of DIET HUMOR & DIET JOKES & CHOCOLATE HUMOR is never published, it will probably end up in a trash can.
 

Who loses?  Not me! YOU DO!!! BIG-TIME!!!

Why? Because I have had a ton of fun and a ton of laughs collecting
it.


Do you want to enjoy humongous DIET HUMOR sayings collection?

You will when I am published!!



LAUGH IT OFF DIET.

IT'S A FUNNY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT.

COPYRIGHT 1949-2019 by DANIEL L. WORONA "Rara Avis"

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

This is a 65-year plus collection and compilation of oodles and oodles of DIET HUMOR sayings.

IT IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND COLLECTION!



THIS IS A HOBBY DIET HUMOR WEBSITE.

YOU ARE SAFE. I AM NOT SELLING ANYTHING.

My E-mail address is: dworona@yahoo.com        

Please include the words DIET HUMOR in the Subject line of your e-mail, otherwise it will be deleted and unread.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me.

PLEASE NOTE: My YAHOO E-MAIL ADDRESS is 100% SECURE.

The connection to the YAHOO server is encrypted.

Please use your regular e-mail service to e-mail me at: dworona@yahoo.com.



SMART PEOPLE KEEP ON KEEPING ON!!!

Because you are smart, and read the entire CHOCOLATE HUMOR and CHOCOLATE JOKES webpage, I added a few more CHOCOLATE DITTIES!



COOL NAMES FOR A CHOCOLATE SHOP:

Choco La-ti-da

Choco Loco

Sinsational chocolates (or Sinsational- a chocolate shop)

Confectionately Yours

Chock Full of Chocolate




CHOCOHOLIC MOTTO:

CHOCOHOLIC SAYS: Two for me, none for you.



CHOCOLATE QUOTE:

Chocolate: the poor mans' champagne.    

Daniel Worona



CHOCOLATE QUOTE:

Chocolate is nature's way of making up for Mondays.

--Unknown



CHOCOLATE QUOTE:

Chocolate is great, it gives you energy which can be used to go buy more chocolate.



CHOCOLATE QUOTE:

 Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!

--Anonymous



If you can't remember my name, just say "Chocolate" and I'll turn around.

--Anonymous



CHOCOLATE QUOTE:

Dear Diamond,

We all know who is really a girl's best friend.

Sincerely yours,

Chocolate Cake.



All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

CHARLES M. SCHULZ



SAVE THE ECONOMY!!!

Skip dieting, buy larger clothes, Twinkies, M&M's, chocolate.



HEALTHY FOOD HUMOR:

Chocolate.... Just a little something to kill the taste of healthy food.



AN INSIDE JOKE FOR INTELLIGENT HUMANS: 

DANIEL WORONA "RARE BIRD" says: Chocolate is something to crow about!

[This is an "INSIDE JOKE" that involves my surname. Only intelligent people will get it.]




CHOCOLATE JOKES GALORE AND MORE!!!

MY INIMITABLE DIET HUMOR, DIET JOKE, CHOCOLATE HUMOR AND CHOCOLATE JOKE COLLECTION IS SECOND TO NONE.

MY GUARANTEE: NO ONE IN THE WORLD CAN COME EVEN CLOSE TO DUPLICATING IT!!!
IT CONTAINS UMPTEEN THOUSAND DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET JOKES, CHOCOLATE HUMOR / HUMOUR AND CHOCOLATE JOKES. NO ONE, MYSELF INCLUDED, CAN MATCH IT! IF I HAD TO START FROM SCRATCH TOMORROW, I COULD NOT DUPLICATE THIS INIMITABLE COLLETION.

THIS COLLECTION INCLUDES THOUSAND'S OF ORIGINAL DIET HUMOR SAYINGS, DIET WORD PLAYS AND DIET JOKES BY DANIEL WORONA.

Please note: The majority of my original material has never been published.




 CHOCOLATE HUMOR, JOKES, PUNS AND QUOTES

 A box of chocolates is more than just a meal!



CHOCOLATE DITTY:

A chocolate in the mouth is worth two on the plate.



CHOCOLATE HUMOR:

If it ain't chocolate, it ain't breakfast!



CHOCOLATE HA HA:

Chocolate – Why God gave us taste buds.



CHOCOLATE HUMOR T-SHIRT:

EMERGENCY ALERT:

If wearer of this shirt is found vacant, listless, or depressed...

ADMINISTER CHOCOLATE IMMEDIATELY.



 

CHOCOLATE HUMOR:

Chocolate is good for three things. Two of 'em cannot be mentioned on public television.



CHOCOLATE HUMOR:

Life is like a box of chocolates, the best ones are half eaten!!



 SPANISH CHOCOLATE PROVERB:

AMIGOS Y AMIGAS:

"Las cosas claras y el chocolate espeso." (Ideas should be clear and chocolate thick.)

Spanish proverb.



CHOCOLATE HUMOR:

 Life without chocolate is like a beach without water.



CHOCOLATE JOKEROO:

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process.... It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance?



CHOCOLATE JOKE:

If you believe that, you REALLY need to meet that special someone who can change your mind.

If you HAVE met that special someone and still believe that, I REALLY NEED to know where you get your chocolate!!!



 

CHOCOLATE QUOTE:

 Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get.

Forrest Gump in "Forrest Gump" (1994)



 

CHOCOLATE HUMOR:

If life is like a box of chocolates, then it’s time for me to buy another box, I seemed to have already devoured all the good ones!



 

CHOCOLATE HUMOR:

In the beginning, the Lord created chocolate, and he saw that it was good.

Then he separated the light from the dark, and it was better.



 

CHOCOLATE HUMOR:

Chocolate - The breakfast of champions!



 

GOOD THINGS ARE WORTH REPEATING.

CHOCOLATE ALERT!

The following CHOCOLATE SAYINGS, CHOCOLATE JOKES, and CHOCOLATE QUOTES have been ripped off from me right and left for years.

Either give me credit, or don't use them!!!


 

 CHOCOLATE: HERE TODAY... GONE TODAY!

--WORIGINAL ORIGINAL by Daniel L. Worona

(aka SR. COCOA LOCO, Daniella "Cocoa Chanel", "Cocoa Chanelle")


CHOCOLATE MUSE:

Q: HOW MANY CALORIES ARE THERE IN A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE?

A: WHO CARES?

--Daniella "Cocoa Chanel" aka "Cocoa Chanelle"


 

WORIGINAL ORIGINAL by  Daniel L, Worona

CHOCOLATE MILK: THE POOR MAN'S CHAMPAGNE.

-Woriginal original by diet specialist Daniel Worona (aka SR. COCOA LOCO)

"Woriginal": That means, if you put it on your Web site, give Daniel L. Worona credit!!!


 

 ROMANCE: THE FIRST KISS!!!

DESCRIBE YOUR FIRST KISS.

IT WAS A CHOCOLATE KISS. (I was only five years old for Pete's sake!)

-Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona  "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird").


ELVIS PRESLEY HUMOR:

ELVIS' FAMOUS LAST WORDS: She won't mind if I take the last piece of chocolate.

-Woriginal by Daniel L. Worona  "Rara Avis" ("Rare Bird").

Yes, friends, ELVIS was a chocolate lover. How do you think he got so fat?!


CHOCOLATE PUN: CHOCOLATE IS FATTEST-THIGHING.

--WORIGINAL ORIGINAL by Daniel Worona




 


DEALING WITH "MIDDLE MANAGEMENT" --D. W.